Well, its been a very long time that I felt that I could do this... but I am able to at least give somewhat of a good update to my situation.<p>Well, many of you don't know that my WW and I are seperated again. As of December 25th, I moved back to Houston, unplanned, with C and D, into my mother's house. The OM went to jail on December 25th for violating the protective order. I was the one who notified the police. A major LB on my part. <p>Well since then she has still fence sat but I am getting feelings from her that the affair is approaching its final stages. I can't count on them one hundred percent just yet, but here are a few things that I have learned in the past few weeks. <p>1. She is in counseling. Her counselor told her that it is obvious that she still loves me. It sounds as if her counselor is a good counselor, who is going to help her get back to her marriage. <p>2. She has been very lonely over the last month. She says she has wanted to tell me that she misses me, but she is still afraid of hurting me, if all the sudden her feelings change. Therefore, she hasn't told me what her feelings were. She has tried to remain truthful to herself about her feelings and she is trying to remain neutral in her thinking, to see if her heart is speaking to her. It sounds, by some of the things she has said that she is listening to her heart.<p>3. She wanted one month ago to try and get back together with me and work things out. She became scared that it would only be temporary and decided in the best interest of us both to wait and see where her heart is.<p>4. She gave the OM one week to move out of her house. Not to necessarily end the affair, but so that she could take some steps on her own without him controlling her.<p>5. She tells me that she doesn't love the OM, that she is only buying time with him for him to move on slowly. She does tell him that she loves him, to keep him calm, uncontrolling and 'happy'. She is afraid of what he is going to do, if she just ended the relationship.<p>6. The OM has a hearing in April to determine whether or not he will be allowed to be near her regarding the protective order. WW says that he may get 2 years probation, and an order to stay away from her and the baby. A violation of that order would be a direct trip to jail, for probation violation.<p>7. She is talking more with me openly, although the last 2 days have been busy. Her coversation is more 'awareful' of her surroundings and her life.<p>So, without counting any thing before anything hatches... I'm being cautious, listening and being the safe harbour and friend that I feel that she needs right now. I am planning on relocating back to Dallas in a few weeks, yes, moving the boys again..., to finish my plan A. If my final steps at plan A don't pan out for me, then I will be moving onto Plan B. The boys will be near their mother, in the least. I have thought this through patiently and with much discussion and thought. I heard what many of you (in email) had to say, and have taken every detail to heart.<p>I will only have 9 weeks till the boys are out of school and I plan on relocating when the opportunity is there. I had planned on relocating this weekend, but opportunities, fell through on my own doing. So, I'm going to take a few steps to ensure that I do this on my own, paying attention to the little details as I prepare our path. <p>Maybe, speaking prematurely most likely, I have weathered the storm of the affair, this hurricane maybe nearly over. Of course, I'm in Texas, and the weather changes every 5 minutes. So I know to be careful [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] and tread lightly with patience.<p>Amist, please continue to keep us in your prayers. Every little bit helps.

Hi H2U,<p>It's has been a bit rainy here also, but at least there are no rabbit fur flying! LOL!!!!<p>Well make the move that will be in the interest of your family. She does need to make up her mind and stick with it. That little baby is growing up quickly and all the children need both parents. <p>AS of the future of the OM, well he is a big boy, he can take care of himself. Besides he has his own 'mommy' to look after him......<p>Aloha bro,
L.

I am happy to hear that you are going to move back to Dallas with the boys. I believe if they can be near both parents, then they should be.<p>Just please keep a good guard on yourself this time, and be sure to stick to your plan... and do NOT fall for any 'good ideas at the time' like you did the last time. You know what I mean there. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We're here for you, as usual. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Please keep us updated as much as you can, k?<p>How is your family dealing with this? Are they accepting to you moving to Dallas? I know it's you and your M and your sons that matter here... but I'm also curious about that side of the situation.<p>Karen

H2Y,
It's good to hear from you. Keep your boys interests at heart, and keep your head on your shoulders. What ever you plan to do note that we are behide you for all the support. May God guide you and bless you all the way.

Leanne, Karen and Sherry,<p>Thank you for your continued support and the encouraging words.<p>She has been a little distant over the past few days but, I think its more attributed to having all the boys, their girlfriends and friends over at her house all week. She sounds very tired.<p>I finally got to speak to her today for longer than 10 or 15 minutes. She told me that today was on of the worst days of her life. She was very sad and depressed. I tried to find out what was so horrible about today. She only would say that she missed me and that she was very lonely. <p>When she told me last night that she was lonely, and yes the OM was right there in the house with her, she asked me if I ever get lonely [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] and I told her 'yes'. (um, not to be disrespectful, but duh). I told her that she shouldn't be lonely, she had someone to hold her, to cry on, to kiss and to hold if she wanted. I acknowledged her lonliness, but I told her I didn't understand why she was. She told me that she hasn't wanted to hold him or anything that, its me that she wants to hold and misses me holding her, since the last time that I did, several weeks ago.<p>I tried being her friend, to just listen, and allow her to open up to me, but she wouldn't, couldn't, SS had to use the phone. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] (as always) I told her I wouldn't judge her, tell her I told ya so, or lecture her in any way... she only could say that she was "homeless, jobless, car-less, moneyless, broke, moralless and a bad person. To me it sounds like that OM has been arguing with her, telling her that she is worthless again, and that she won't make it on her own. I told her that she was a wonderful person, very special to me and that I loved her dearly. I told her that she was special. I began speaking of all the things that I did around the house here at my mothers today; washing the cars, the laundry, the dishes, vacuuming the house, reorganizing the boys clothes in their cubbies and drawers, after doing several loads of wash. Helping my stepdad with the flowerbeds and I could here her sniffling. I asked her if she was crying and she said no. I asked her if anything was wrong and she said no. Knowing her, very well at times, I know that she is probably overwelmed. Without the OM's help with the children and with the house, and now the bills are stacking up... she's got to be hating all of this. I reassured her that everything was going to be okay, calmed her down a little and told her that SHE and I were going to be okay. It will take sometime for us to get back to normal, through counseling and alot of care, love and patience. <p>She I feel is missing our relationship a great deal...but I know.. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] one day at a time. She could slip and fall back over there at anytime. There are steps that she is going to have to take, and until then her world is going to be like it was today for her. I think that maybe she is feeling some guilt...but I'm not sure. I know that her lonliness can't be good for her and his relationship. I wish I could be there for her, but I know that I must stand back and let her crash...until I can help her pick up the pieces. Its been 3 years and 3 months since all this began and I know that all I'm waiting on now is the clock. She, I don't think is going to divorce me...so she says. She wants us to work, she says at times, but she is concerned with putting me and her oldest back into the house together again. He and I fought like dogs last year. I know what I must do to control my anger and authoritativeness around him now... but I won't really know how I'll fair. <p>She is worried that the two older boys are going to cause us alot of trouble if we are back together. I told her that she needs to be the mom, love them, but don't let them run her life. <p>Anyhow... that's where I'm at today... watching the storm from the shores of my banks....and the tide rolls in... I'll make my move as soon as I have fairer seas in front of me, and when the tide retreats...it will be safer for me then.<p>I pretty much have an ace card that I'm holding out on the OM, he doesn't know I'm holding it, and I'm troubled whether to play it or not. His hearing and arraignment is on the first, so if I am going to play it I have to do it now. <p>Thanks, again.. So, am I doing okay? Any ideas on her? Her boys? Me? The OM?

Despite her condition, you seem to be on firmer ground. Stay there H2U, it is safer for you and the boys. <p>All the incidental issues are for her to deal with. Don't let her play with your emotions. Funny how she seems to treat you nicer when you are out of arms reach. <p>I do agree that the fall is still coming. Chin up, you have been through this before and you will survive this round also. <p>It is good she is talking to you. Her next challenge is not allowing the OM or herself to change her mind about you and the boys. <p>You may need to stress test that challenge. <p>Take Care,
L.