Well, I last posted an update only a few days ago, but A LOT has happened in those few days. First off, DW will probably read this, so please be sensitive in any responses.... Thanks in advance.<p>W has written a letter to OM, and saw him last night to "end it." (my words). She's said that she needs to explore her relationship with me and couldn't honestly do that while seeing him.<p>I believe she feels real remorse for some things for the first time since last October (at least she's expressed it to me for the first time).<p>I know that she's hurting terribly right now, and I want nothing more than to try to comfort her, but she feels it's not appropriate. Please reach out to her and give her any support that she'll accept.<p>I'm particularly concerned about any expectations she may have for a quick end to "withdrawl." If any of you have been through this, your comments would be most welcome.<p>I want to say so much more, but I'm unsure how much is too much right now. I want to be respectful of her feelings, but I want to help her through this so badly.<p>I ask you all to pray for both of us.<p>Thank you,
Kevin

Dear Mr & Mrs. Kevco,<p>IMHO right now Kev, you are going to have to let her do the work. All your desire to help her will not really be perceived as help even though it is. Is this making sense? No because it is not suppose to but it is reality. <p>I am not being sarcastic. I am trying to help you help yourself and your W. For me learning to keep more quite and expect more what a turning point in the 'recovery'. For some reason, the WS seems to have to prove to themselves and others that they need to prove their worth and we the BS need to let them do that. <p>Kinda like when someone is in therapy. As much as you want to help them walk, it is something they must do on their own. It is sometimes painful to watch but the burden still rests on the patients shoulders. Not to sit back and nit pick but let her find her home legs again. It has been a while since she has been 'home', her mind and heart need to take time to adjust. Almost like they are coming back in an amesia state and need get reacquainted with the whole household. <p>That is what I saw in our case. They put sooo much uncertainty in their lives, they are afraid to trust. Hm.....that should be our stance. <p>Ok, so while my H was getting his land legs back in shape (knowing where he was going to sleep everynight), I also showed that I needed confirmation of that. Initially I took it easy, now he is answering and giving cooperation with our family. Even to the point of telling the OW NOT to bother any of us anymore. Willing to do the letter and all but obviously afraid. The conflict avoider thing is still around but the A isn't. At least that is how it looks now. <p>I have set my boundaries, it is now up to him to keep it. <p>L.

You have my prayers, Kevco and Mrs. Kevco.<p>Dear Mrs. Kevco,<p>I have added a link to this post pointing to a story of a very well respected WS, her screen name is SKM. If you feel like it, perhaps take a few minutes and read.<p>SKM's Chronicles<p>Best to you both.
Lv,
Jo

Hi guys!
I am happy to see this development. We are here for you TWO. By we, I mean Bill and I as well as all the wonderful folks here. I know you have our home information and if there is something you'd like to discuss there, if you'd feel more comfortable, please feel free.<p>Mrs Kev,
Withdrawal can be hard. It can take a long time. I know this isn't what you want to hear, at least it isn't what I wanted to hear when I went through it. But there are ways to help yourself through it. You may be feeling confused and unsure of yourself, I know I sure did. I read alot here, posted a few times and talked to Bill A LOT. I would have to say that reading other folks experiences and seeing that I wasn't alone in my feelings helped tremendously. I know what the PAINS of withdrawal feel like. PLEASE feel free to contact me anytime you want, in any fashion; here, via e-mail, or call me. I promise to be non judgmental and I really do have strong shoulders! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Kev,
Good News!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Your strength is a gift from God I hope you know that. Jill's too. She is a VERY strong woman to be doing what she is doing. It took me a bit, months really, to accept that about myself. I was so much into feeling guilt and all the negative, that I forgot to see that I changed all that around. Bill's praise and acknowledgment of my strength was an immense help and relief to me. YOUR strength and patience are blessings to you, no matter how this pans out... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'll guide Bill here to so that he can share his perspective.
Praying for you both always,<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: Mrs WLD ]</p>

Mr and Mrs Kevco,
Its been a long bumpy road, I am happy for you.
Jill, I think it helped my Husband to know that the withdrawel would end. He felt really crappy for a while but he got over it and we have regained our friendship and love for each other.

Kevco and the Mrs, Glad to hear of the no-contact letter. We are ALL cheering for you both. This is no easy road that we are all on....recovery OR divorce takes years to heal from. Keep learning and growing. God has the answers so lean on him and not your own understanding. Be patient with each other and yourselves. I wish there was a magic potion that you could take to heal all the pain and confusion, but there is not.<p>Prayers and God's best for you both,
TW

Will keep you both in my prayers. I am happy for both of you. Even tho this will be a hard road to travel...I think you will find it is worth it in the end. Best of luck!!

Kevco,<p>I suggest that you and the Mrs. take it slowly, WAY more slowly than last time...<p>Mr. and Mrs. Kev,<p>Here's something out of the bible. I think it's a recipe to a successful marriage. It's of course a very famous passage, but this is my favorite translation of the passage...<p>I hope you won't just skim these because you've read them so often...please read them as if this were the first time...<p>1st Corinthians 13<p>Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails. <p>
For right now I think the verse that will help you guys the most is "Love never keeps record of wrongs"<p>Take care and good luck,<p>ANNA<p>[ March 24, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Kev,<p>I don't have too much to add to the others, in fact maybe just repeat a little. Your love and your strength will see you through, no matter what happens. If it doesn't strengthen your marriage, IT WILL STRENGTHEN YOU!<p>I can't think of anything more powerful than loving someone when they're giving you little or no reason to love them. Not that this is currently the case for you, but it's that never relenting love that IS the key. Let her know you see her work (when you see it). Let her know when you're having a tough time, so she can know what's going on in your head and/or why you may act a certain way. Keep communicating, not pushing.<p>You're in our prayers,

Thank you all for your responses.... I knew I could count on you! You all don't have any idea (well, maybe you do) how much this place has meant to me and helped me through some tough issues. Thank you for that.<p>I do have one favor to ask. To those of you who have used DW name, please edit your responses and delete it. She has asked that I not use it on the boards, and I respect her wish. Thanks in advance!<p>Later,
Kev

Please accept my most sincere apologies! [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] It was wrong of me to assume that that was ok. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by kevco-:
<strong>
I do have one favor to ask. To those of you who have used DW name, please edit your responses and delete it. She has asked that I not use it on the boards, and I respect her wish. Thanks in advance!<p>Later,
Kev</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Kev,<p>I feel a little slow today....What does DW stand for??? Here's some possibilities I came up with...<p>Darling Wife<p>Delightful Wife<p>Dazzling Wife<p>Da Wife<p>I'm leaning more towards the "Da Wife"...Did I get it??? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ANNA