snl, <p>I finally talked to my W about what my lawyer said earlier this week. It was a brief discussion, here's the gist of it:<p>sd: "When I saw my lawyer last Tuesday, she said your lawyer gave her the impression you might be having second thoughts (re: divorce). I realize our lawyers haven't communicated well and she may have gotten the wrong impression, but if you want to talk about it let me know."<p>WS: "My lawyer never said that. Your lawyer's nuts."<p>sd: "Well if you ever do want to talk about it let me know, but I guess it's time we talk about selling the house."<p>WS: "We can't sell the house."<p>sd: "Why not?"<p>WS: "Because you're suing me for it. That's what your paperwork says." <p>sd: "That's why I went to see my lawyer, to talk about selling the house, so if you're ready we should start getting things in order."<p>WS: "OK."<p>That was about it. My lawyer did ask for the house (just some legal posturing, we knew it would never happen). But WS knew about this since early January. Six weeks or so ago when we got into it about custody, selling the house is one of the things she wanted to talk about, so I don't know why she wanted to talk about it then, but not since. It's very confusing. For someone so sure she wants a D, her lawyer is taking no steps in that direction, except for filing for custody mediation.<p>Any thoughts? <p>sad dad

I assume your wife is intelligent, her responses aren't. That suggests to me she is responding like a cornered animal, clawing and scratching at anything she can. Now that alone might mean you cannot recover, you can't fix her, she has to fix herself....it just sounds like she will say anything to keep you off balance, while at the same time act in ways that indicate she does not want to divorce at this time. IMO (and by all means listen to the experts sh etc.) you should simply continue to proceed with whatever path you deem appropriate to resolve (be it divorce, controlled seperation, some kind of reconcilliation) etc.... take your time, continually tell her you prefer reconcilliation, and keep her informed of what is happening legal wise. Who knows when (of if) she will finally wake up and start cooperateing with you (either for amicable divorce, or reconcilliation). <p>You may have to do the whole divorce yourself, if she won't do anything else, and won't cooperate, and you don't want to live as roomates forever. But by remaining calm, honest, informative, plan a, etc. you give her a safe place. I personally do not think one should wait very long for resolutions, a year is enough, and by then be on a clear path to somewhere...living a limbo marriage is not healthy in my mind...and even if one ends up divorced, one can still keep the door open for reconcilliation, but you are on the proper side of the legal boundary..... living married, when nothing is happening is just plain stupid IMO....there is a season for everything, and for marriage (a dynamic process) you nurture it, or you lose it, that is how I think God, and mother nature designed us.<p>The other possibility is your w has a real medical/psych issue, one that needs intervention and treatment...she seems to not be fully in touch with reality...could just be huge denial, and avoidance...but by pushing her, you could be contributing to that, I don't suppose she would consent to a medical/psych evaluation?

snl,<p>Pretty sound advice. My W seems to be lashing out at my lawyer. In the past week, she has accused her of playing games, being a liar and being nuts. I have complete faith in my lawyer's competency.<p>For now I will begin taking the neccesary steps towards selling the house. I need to move in that direction for my own well being. I will continue to let her know that I am open to reconcilliation, but that living in limbo like this is not healthy for any of us. I haven't avoided any legal discussions, there just hasn't been anything "legally" to discuss. The only legal step that has been taken has been her lawyer filing for mediation.<p>"The other possibility is your w has a real medical/psych issue, one that needs intervention and treatment...she seems to not be fully in touch with reality...could just be huge denial, and avoidance...but by pushing her, you could be contributing to that, I don't suppose she would consent to a medical/psych evaluation?"<p>You may be right about this, but it's an issue I can't raise. But if there's any truth to what OM said about her "wanting to kill herself", the courts or my lawyer may want to address it. That's out of my hands.<p>Thanks,
sad dad

Hey -<p>Have any good prime rib lately?<p>Sorry to hear that things aren't all wonderful on your side of the fence.<p>I agree with snl, she does sound like she is reacting to the situation like she feels crunched in a corner.<p>Have you talked with your lawyer about her mental state?<p>You know, the mediation thing might be a good step for you guys to take. These folks have seen every situation and then some, and it is almost like they can 'smell' what's going on when you walk in the door. They can also ask for a order to counseling or a order to hold the process if they think there is resonable reason for reconcilliation. They also can order a psych eval for her. <p>Hope you're having a good weekend.<p>Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth,<p>Thanks for checking in. Sorry our get together was cut short last weekend. Hope your daughter is feeling better.<p>I know you don't know much about my story. I'll fill you in a little about the recent events. About a month ago, I got a call from the OM. He denied anything is going on with my W, was pissed that I had his (and W's) phone records subpeonaed and told me that at one time she told him "she wanted to kill herself". Of course, my W denied it, but I can think of no reason for him to make that up. This raised some serious concerns about my W's emotional/mental state. I did tell my lawyer about it and she said she may request a psyche evaluation if necessary. <p>I agree with you & snl, she must be feeling like a cornered animal. She must know by now that I've gotten the phone records and the jig is up, so to speak. The phone records show that contact with OM has continued this whole time, in spite of her denials. If nothing else, they prove she is lying. I think she is angry, probably at herself, and is lashing out at my lawyer because she knows if she lashes out at me I can come back at her with much more. <p>I think she may have told her lawyer that she didn't want this D and wanted to reconcile, but not because she meant it, but to portray herself as the victim. I could be wrong.<p>As far as the house, my lawyer did ask for it, but I'm sure my W has some recourse. She could have signed it over to me, asked me to buy her out or taken legal action to force me to sell it. Instead, she's done nothing.<p>Interesting info on mediation. I don't really know much about it. For now, I'm going to start laying the groundwork for selling the house, tying up the financial loose ends and begin moving on. I have an appointment with Steve Harley on Thursday and I'll see what he thinks of the latest developments. Have a good weekend.<p>sad dad