Well the radical honesty thing is a little hard to deal with sometimes. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>H and I were talking last night before bed. I asked him some very specific questions about A.<p>Like how many times did they meet in a hotel? Only 2 he says. I knew of one, didn't know of other one. That was painful. Also where were they having sex? In the back seat of her car? H says, yes, where else could they go. Was I happy now?<p>Ok I couldn't help it, I busted out laughing. He was a little mad about that. But I played it off like, "What do you mean, am I happy now? What kind of silly question was that?" REALLY, I was cracking up out of relief. If he's only nailing her in the back seat of a car, and won't even rent a hotel room for her then he didn't care as much as I thought so. He also revealed that they didn't have sex as often as I think they did. They really didn't have time. <p>Ok so for 11 months this little stupid wh@re did him in her car?? What a wh@ore!! I'm so happy I could shout (I know it sounds weird, but it shows me where his heart was).<p>But on the down side, all of this is so painful to hear... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I want to ask so many things, but I'm also afraid to ask....God if he answers all my questions I may be sorry. But at least some of the puzzle pieces are falling in place.<p>And he gets so MAD when he finally tells me. I ask as gently and calmly as possible. I try not to react at all. Nothing. Not until I can answer calmly. But he still gets so mad!!<p>Is that normal? Should I draw attention to it and ask him about it or just ignore it, thank him for the honesty and keep on talking?<p>Also, afterwards I really want to make love to him, to feel connected again, after discussing al of this mess. He on the other hand, doesn't want to because he feels so quilty..<p>How in the world can we POJA that?<p>thanx for all your advice as usual.... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

OMG I'm laughing so hard.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> If he's only nailing her in the back seat of a car, and won't even rent a hotel room for her then he didn't care as much as I thought so. <hr></blockquote><p>I called up my x and read this to him (hope you don't mind). It sad that my H threw his M away for a few "moments" and nailing some broad in the back of HER car. He wouldn't even do it in our car. Yeah, these women were the light of their lives all right.<p>The questions last as long as you have them. I still have them even though we are divorced. I guess I am a tad bitter. Oh well. I suggest that you ask away, and thank him for his honesty. He isn't mad you have questions, he is just mad that he is stupid enough to have those kind of answers. That is what my x says.<p>Maybe you could give him a little time to lick his wounds before you jump his bones. I do think that one of the good things that getting all this crap out in the open brings is the ability for us to feel closer afterwards.<p>Elizabeth

OMG [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>What did your x say??? Was he amused??<p>The part about feeling stupid because he has those answers is true...he said it makes him feel stupid that he has to say those things.<p>Yeah I let him lick his wounds last night. Told him never mind. We had a little talk about that too. He says it's not that he doesn't want to have sex with me. It's just that he's feeling guilty and never knows if he will be welcome or shot down. Poor baby. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>No, I don't mind if you tell your X anything... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

And this is what my ever so wonderful x spouse had to say.<p>"See, it's not just me, lots of guys fu(k other women in cars."<p>Gosh, I wonder why we couldn't work it out, and ended up divorced.<p>Oh well. At least yours is making an effort. That counts!<p>Elizabeth

margue: I believe if you really want to move on "as quickly as humanly possible", you have to ask the questions even if they hurt. My reasoning is: You will still have the questions in your mind regardless if they are asked and answered or not. Myself, I would rather ask the questions and get answers now rather than keep them bottled up and then way down the road finally ask them and feel all the pain and hurt all over again. But, not everyone is the same. I also believe, and I told my WW this, if the BS really wants to move on in the marriage, then he should feel obligated to answer whatever question may be asked, now matter how bad the answer. Again I would rather know now than later to have the pain now instead of later.<p>BIG NOTE: I am Male and I believe if he was gettin' some in the backseat of a car. OW didn't mean that much either, just a piece of... Down side to that thought is, OM was nailin' my W at his parent's house (doesn't have a place of his own), how much did W mean to OM or how did W feel about OM?

Justthewife,<p>Yes, that's true. Other men are doing it. But what he needs to remember is that it's sleazy men fu(king sleazy wh@res in the car [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So there...<p>hahaha<p>Yes he is making an effort. We're just struggling through every step of the way..it's so hard for both of us.<p>wrestling,
Yeah, I'd rather face it now then to keep dragging it out. It's been very enlightening. I have found out so much. Alot of it is good for me, because it's negative things for her. I know him well enough to know if he's not gonna fork out $80 for a hotel room, it ain't love... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] hahaha<p>As far as your wife it says two things, I think, 1)she has more class then to give it up in the back seat of a car
2)he's a loser that doesnt even have his own place<p>Both good things (you gotta find the good where you can... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by margue:
<strong>Ok so for 11 months this little stupid wh@re did him in her car?? What a wh@ore!! I'm so happy I could shout (I know it sounds weird, but it shows me where his heart was).<p>I want to ask so many things, but I'm also afraid to ask....God if he answers all my questions I may be sorry. But at least some of the puzzle pieces are falling in place.<p>And he gets so MAD when he finally tells me. I ask as gently and calmly as possible. I try not to react at all. Nothing. Not until I can answer calmly. But he still gets so mad!!<p>Also, afterwards I really want to make love to him, to feel connected again, after discussing al of this mess. He on the other hand, doesn't want to because he feels so quilty..<p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>margue~
I was replying a few hours ago and AOHell booted me.. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] So, I'm back.. I'm not sure how to post multipule individual replys but here it goes..,<p>About the sex in the car.. I'm glad your looking at it like you are. I'm looking for anything to tell howw my H felt towards the ow.. honestly. H says it was for kicks and grins.. I don't believe it was like that. (Altho in H defence.. He was in Tx for almost 6 months without me and never met her or even talked on the phone)<p>About asking questions: I figured out if I explained that I have thought about every question I want to ask him 1000's of times already and the answers my mind has imagined are far worse than anything that he tells me. My mind/imagination spends alot of time in right field. It seemed to help him relax more about answering questions. Just an idea to try, if you think it would help.

About your H being mad when he tells you things about the A. The only thing I can think of there is he's reminded of how much he hurt you, the kids and everyone around him. Maybe some guilt/shame coming out as anger towards you??? <p>About making love after: H and I are the same way so I can relate. Heck we made love D-day after deciding to make this work. (after I told him he'd never touch me again about 6 hours before.. LoL) Maybe it's the same guilt/shame I was talking about earlier. Have you explained your need/desire for reconnection after discussions?

I guess your right about finding the good where you can, especially when there is very little good that happened.<p>[ March 23, 2002: Message edited by: wrestlingwithlove ]</p>

My H also had sex with my (former) best friend in the back of her car. Of course they lied about it for years and I just found out. They also made out at our office, had sex in her bed and the WORST, he took her into my house and my bed. This was a woman I loved and cared about. The next night she actually called to ask how I was! Can you believe it. She never did admit what happened and would lie today if I asked, even though I finally know the truth.<p>My take on all of this....100% PURE SELFISHNESS

Yes they are incredibly selfish.
I can't believe how much. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]