I agree...it does suck.<p>I have run out of Zoloft...probably another reason why I am down in spirits tonight. My subscription had me taking only 1/2 a pill a day and I just didn't make it on that-so I checked with my doctor neighbor and he said I could take a whole pill a day.<p>Unfortunately, when I called my prescription to refill it---they won't let me get a refill because I went through it too fast. So, I am out of zoloft....yuck!!! Have to call the doctor on Monday. I never dreamt I would need medicine like this. It sure does affect my moods tho. <p>Hope you have a better day tomorrow...You will be in my prayers. Pat

MnM,<p>I am so sorry that you are having a tough time tonight.<p>My WH is coming Wed with my son for the weekend, he said he was getting billeting on base, and I'm so glad, I couldn't handle what you are going through.<p>You know the same thing will probably happen next weekend, unless bimbo is with him. So Pat how are you going to handle it the next time so you don't have to feel so bad?<p>Ok peoples Pat needs a plan for the next time cakeman tries to be normal. What can she do? How can we help her form a plan of action so she doesn't have to feel this crappy?<p>My suggestion,<p>"Jim, I'm sorry but I really need to sit by myself so I can constrait(sp) on daughters game, perhaps you and I can talk later." Then move to another seat or have your own lawn chair(just one) Just my 2 cents worth.<p>What suggestions do you peoples have to help with this plan?<p>Hope you get to feeling better!! Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Pat,<p>Dawn is right you need a plan for next wkend or the next time the bimbete is out of town.<p>You need this to protect yourself but also your kids. Look at how your D's came home talking about, it is not fair to your children to get their hopes up (this has happen to them before).Just think if your OD's thought the things you mentioned what did your S think. <p>I know my OS said he hated it when we all played family for 2 yrs. <p>You could make plans to go somewhere after the games with friends. Do you have a friend who will be there by their selves? Go together. <p>You can do this.

Hi Pat,
first of all...I am sooo sorry you had such a horrible night and I hope you feel a little better this morning. Last weekend I had a rough time of it and with the help of everyone here, I made it through the night. My heart goes out to you and your girls! <p>One thing that I have found is that I can not be in the same room with my WS for more than a few mintues without feeling depressed. We see each other at family parties so what I have started doing is this. When I get there I politely say hello to him, chat for a few minutes, then go to another room. It helps me a lot. I still get sad knowing he is there and we can't sit and talk, laugh, etc, but I don't find myself sinking into depression or leaving the room to cry. I know it is different at a sports game where you can't physically leave a room, but if you can somehow not sit with him, it will do you the world of good. I like the idea of bringing a friend with you (especially if it is a friend your H doesn't like for some reason!) Anyway, Pat, my prayers are with you. Stay strong and God bless!
BH

I do feel better this morning. My son has a game up in KC today. I just wrote and told him to do great...I am not going to go today. I have tons to do here and emotionally, I want to be stronger and prepare for the next time I have to be near him.<p>Daybreak, Sing and Brokenhearted,<p>Great suggestions. I didn't think about planning for this...but you are right, that is exactly what I need to do. I do have tons of friends at the games...and I can easily sit with them.<p>Yesterday, I just kind of fell into that situation and I was shocked at how bad it made me feel. You are right, it did affect the kids. And I am sure Kyle did think that and hoped that everything would be normal again. I didn't even think about how it would affect the kids. Guess I am in my own FOG too.<p>Everyone gave me good advice last nite--I feel so much better today. I had a lot to think about. From now on I am going to try to be nice--but remain distant. Thank you again for your help and encouragement.

MnM
I am glad you are feeling better today. I will see my H today for a game. I really have been so depressed this weekend. I do not have any medication either! I feel the same way as you...spmetimes my H comes to pick up my sone to go the game...you know how they have to be there early....well, it's so stupid because I leave about 20 minutes after them and go to the same place!!! A few weeks ago he offered to drive me to my oldests son's varsity game...it was over an hour away...at night...and there is really nothing out there.....ended up my youngest got sick and I didn't go. But the very next weekend we had games all over the state(ok,,,it felt like it!!) and I put over 200 miles on my big car that day and we didn't drive together. It made me mad. He knew it. It would have been him and me alone for the whole day. I know everything would have been fine.....he couldn't handle it and I am sure that OW wouldn't have liked it....we wouldn't want to cheat on OW with wife would we???<p>
You are doing fine...these meetings are going to keep happening. My kids know that we talk at the games and I think it makes them feel good. I think if they saw us sitting seperate it would make them twinge a little when they are out playing. I Know it hurts me...but sometimes I just need to talk to my best friend....I have to say that I think that he does too. It doesn't matter if I sit with him or not....he still goes home to her and it makes me ill. <p>I rambled on a little didn't I? I am definetly having a depressing weekend.
MAX

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by miserynmissouri:
I have run out of Zoloft...probably another reason why I am down in spirits tonight. My subscription had me taking only 1/2 a pill a day and I just didn't make it on that-so I checked with my doctor neighbor and he said I could take a whole pill a day.<p>Unfortunately, when I called my prescription to refill it---they won't let me get a refill because I went through it too fast. So, I am out of zoloft....yuck!!! Have to call the doctor on Monday. I never dreamt I would need medicine like this. It sure does affect my moods tho.
<hr></blockquote><p>Morning Pat,<p>Been thinking about you a bunch, praying for you and th kids too.<p>Say, don't forget to call the Doc first thing on Monday to get a "FULL" prescription of Zoloft. I hate taking meds too. Never thought I'd be depending on a pill to get me thru the day. But without it, who knows where I'd be right now ... probably some Rubber Room.<p>I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better.<p>Lv,
Jo

MnM, Gosh, that is the name of a music group I banned my teens from!
Hi! It has been awhile since I have seen you post, and I have been so busy that I didn't see this for a couple of days. I am sorry that you are going through all this now. And I am glad you are not alone in this... persee.. You sound as though you have your childrens support. And you have all the people here as well!
It seems to me that he wishes to gain the childrens and the friends support also, like here I am, See I'm not such a bad guy after all, I'm still there when they need me. If he can feel like he did that then he won't have that massive load of guilt on his concience, which trust me he has, telling him what an absolute B#####D he has been to do what he's done. IMHO
YOU, are not missing life because you are not trying to live fantasy where everything is perfect, which nothing in life really is.You are doing the greatest and second, (to me) greatest job on earth, Raising your children to be reasonable, responsible adults, AND teaching the rest of our children to do the same. I have a very good friend who is a teacher, so I know the trials and tribulations of the profession, as well as dealing with a home and children as well... I think you have been an amazingly strong person. I APPLAUD YOU! You are a very valuable person in your own right, and if you don't believe me then look at the love in your childrens faces each day. Look to the friends who support you and the extended family that cherishes you!
I can also understand why you still love him. You made a promise before God to love and cherish this man 'till death do you part. YOU are not the one who forsook that vow. You love him for what he was before and what he could have been.
I actually agree with SNL...red-letter day, this IS about him, not you. You are still going about your life, paying the bills, raising the children, and working toward a future. And you have every right to be afraid of that future, since the rug was torn out from under you, and you don't know where it is safe to stand, as yet. But, I think you are a very strong lady, and although you are tired and depressed from this, you will come back stronger and more independent than you have ever been. Then one day he will be the one who says... I miss my son, I miss my wife, my ordinary life, Just like the song says... And you will be strong enough to decide on what is right for YOU...
Giant Hugs...

BUMP, FOR MNM

Thanks Cherise,
That was nice to read. Sometimes I don't know if I am doing things right.<p>He is trying to make himself feel better. It seems to be working a little too.<p>My son got home from his house yesterday. He said Dad bought him two more games for his X box, a new bat, balls and baseball helmet, robots and lego sets. He also had an Easter egg hunt for him with a big basket full of things and sent home baskets with $100 in each one of them for the kids. <p>The girls appreciated the money...but know what he is doing. It is so sad. <p>It is amazing that he doesn't have money to pay bills, but he does have money to spend on the kids. Hope my name is really off the credit cards.<p>My son told me last night that dad acts weird when he leaves. I asked how weird...he said he acts like a clown and sometimes cries. He also wrote to Mandy and said that he has spoken to his parents and cried over her and her reactions to this situation. Hmmmmmm....Right<p>My son told me the Grampy and Grammy are coming to our house for my oldest daughter's graduation in May. I haven't heard anything about that. Then my oldest daughter came home and said that Grammy is coming and is staying with Jim and his girlfriend in KC. Nice support after 25 years of loving their son. This will be fun...I can tell. He is going to want the kids up there for graduation. UGH!!!!! This pain and complications never end...all because one person couldn't honor his marriage vows. It is really sad.<p>I guess I will be living with this mess for the rest of my life. I hate it. <p>Anyway, thanks for writing. I wish I felt strong...I feel like I am just surviving. Pat

Please, Pat, check on the credit cards! It could save you TONS of heartache in the future!
I only hope I can be of some help.
My week hasn't been all that great either. I have strepp throat, and so does my 12 year old, Nickolaus. Unfortunatly, although I can't talk, I am still going to the office each day. Statement time. I have been doing the books for a doctor from 10:30 in the morning until 5:00, then getting off there and going to my second job untill 2:30 in the morning every day for 2 monthes. But, I have to do this for a few monthes. I need a heart valve transplant(had a heart attack DDAY and another small one in hospital next day when DH walked in),so it is in my best interest. It IS Hard.
You keep up the good work and stay strong.
Wouldn't it be nice to just take a week off and go on vacation like my doctor!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Gosh, <p>Take care of yourself Cherise!!!!<p>Do you have insurance? The heartvalve thing sounds really serious. It makes my problems look tiny....thank you so much for your support. I have been kind of whiney lately.<p>Boy, strep is nothing to fool with. Are you on medication? We have seen some serious complications with it here this winter. <p>A week off would be great. My two oldest are going skiing on Thursday. I would love to go so bad. Will have to start saving for next year. Take care of yourself!!! Pat<p>PS...I am looking into the credit cards. My H wrote me yesterday and said he was cashing in his IRAs to pay bills. Wish he would just look for a job. Don't know how that will look with the settlement. What a mess. <p>Have to get to work. Just thought I would glance in this morning.

Pat,<p>You need to sit down with your OD & ask her what she wants to do for graduation. This is her time. (Hope I can take my advice this time next yr). <p>Whatever you feel, push it back, come here & vent, email me whatever but make this the best for your D. (here I am sitting crying for you, because it is unfair)<p>but ask what she wants, what she will feel comfortable with etc. if your stbx-in laws are coming, work on how she can see them & still be happy.,<p>and if some battles need to be fought with your STBX, you will need to fight them.<p>my best idea would be maybe after you know how your D wants to handle the whole graduation thing, is for the 2 of you to set down with your STBX (hard, I know, but this way he can't yell at your or her, or put undone pressure on her) and tell him what she wants & see how his plans could or would fit in the picture.<p>I have to go through this next yr. So I am going to need you to hold my hand through this.<p>Let me tell you what OW did to me this wkend. I never call their house. I email STBX, or call his cell phone. I only call their house when I need to speake to him right at the moment or when I know I can just leave a messag. Sun. OS calls & asks if they can stay still Mon morning as the website he is making for his dad was having problems. Thier dad would get them here in time for school I agreed, we hung up. I then thought of something I needed to tell STBX, so I called back. OW answered I just asked to speak to STBX, so then she goes "Hon, phone" the odds of her knowing it wasn't me, yeah right. For some reason this came up with OS, & he thought it was mean, I shouldn't have mentioned it but he said something about her answering when I called (he knows I hate it when she does that) & I said oh that wasn't a problem what ticked me off was when she.<p>anyway have a good wk.

MnM -- WHOA! Stop!<p>You just said your H is cashing in IRA's to pay bills???<p>Excuse me but if you are in divorce proceedings, those assets should be frozen, and you are entitled to half of those assets. Not to mention the fact that you will be heavily taxed and penalized for early withdrawl.<p>IMHO you should not be giving up your share of those assets to get him out of a financial jam.
Talk to your lawyer about this pronto.

Dear Lexxy and Sing,<p>Just have a few minutes to check in before soccer tonight.<p>Sing as usual, you have good advice about the graduation. It is going to be so hard. I am not looking forward to it. We have had a little time to talk about it ...but not a lot. We are both running crazy with our schedules. I will let you know what we work out. I definitely know Meg does not want that OW anywhere near us--so that is good for me. Meg says she doesn't have anything to do with her or her life--so she doesn't want her there.<p>Lexxy,
Thanks for that infor--I hadn't thought of that. I am going to get off right now and call my attorney to see what I should do. THanks<p>Gotta run. Pat

MnM
When I read what you wrote about graduation, it hit so close to home. My son graduates in June. He does not want OW to attend. The kids have not met her yet...because of the temporary orders. THey want to have nothing to do with her. H thinks that once we are divorced they will come to visit him. The boys say that they do not want to be apart of his new family. The OW has a 87 yr old. I can understand them feeling bad knowing that their D sees some kid he has known a few months more than his own two boys. They are right in feeling the way that they do. <p>For graduation the school gives us 8 tickets....after my parents and my sister and her H....my h, me and my youngest son.....we have one ticket left. I will lose the ticket before I ever let this oman near graduation! My son doesn't want her there....and that is the way it is going to be. But what do we do about a party....or some type of celebration? What a mess theyhave made for all of us.
MAX

Feeling So Alone,<p>I know how you are feeling...this graduation and all the stuff that goes with it, has me worried.<p>My H's mom---who has supported him through all of this mess, is going to be here. She is going to stay with him. It is going to make this whole weekend a nightmare--I know my H will want the kids to be with her. I don't want my family torn apart that weekend. I hate this so much.<p>
My nephew-who is manic-depressive is going to fly in with her and stay with us for 10 days-- is what I have heard. He was scheduled to make a trip here over Christmas when he had a complete breakdown. He is really close to my 16 year old-she really wants to see him. That whole scenerio worries me tho. It is amazing how I am no longer considered part of H's family---but they act like I should be welcoming and inviting as usual.<p>I just want life to get back to normal. I am so tired of this. He wanted to leave so bad--but they all still want the supportive, loving wife in the picture--but just moved over for the new women. It is disgusting. <p>I am going to try to plan out that weekend in advance and arrange what Meg and I want to happen. This is her weekend...and I won't have my H's family ruin it for her. I will keep your situation in my prayers too--guess this will be only one of the first of uncomfortable situations we will be facing in the future because of the selfish decisions of one individual. Take Care Pat

Hey Pat,<p>Is it possible to have two parties or celebrations and you and Meg plan yours and let WH and Meg plan theirs? I know that might be hard for her though. <p>How about if you let MIL know that there is alot going already that weekend and perhaps her and Meg could get together for breakfast, the morning of graduation or the morning after, limit the time that Meg is available to MIL, without it looking like you are controlling it.<p>It is so hard that someone that we once loved can be so very selfish, If it would only hurt them and not all those around them, the ripples seems to get bigger and bigger as time goes by!!<p>Someone suggested you get the lawyer called ASAP about the IRA's. I hope you get that done tomorrow, are you on spring break?<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi daybreak,<p>Yea, I am trying to figure something out for that weekend. Meg will be really busy--I know she won't feel like driving up there. I am afraid he is going to want the other ones to be up there with her. Have no idea if OW will be there too--I am assuming she will be.<p>I did call my new lawyer on Monday. He agreed to take the case for another mere $2000 retaining fee. Gosh, I have already spent $4000 and owe the other lawyer $900. I told him about the IRA thing and his response was that I need to get out of this thing quickly or he will financially drain us of everything. He thinks we can settle out of court and get this done pretty quick. Guess we will see.<p>This has been a sad day for me...the older kids left for a skiing trip with the church youth group....and the younger kids and I want to go so bad. It would be great to just have fun for a change. I almost did go...but took a look at my financial picture--and it was too bleak. Pretty disappointing. So, ended up cleaning and washing clothes all day. Did manage to take a nap tho. We are on our spring break--Thurs, Fri, and Monday. It is nice to relax for a little bit.<p>I got a new prescription for Zoloft--will be picking that up tomorrow. Have to do some Easter candy shopping too. <p>Do you still have that overwhelming sense of sadness? I still feel like my life has been torn from me...and I am supposed to be happy, well adjusted and moved on by now. I have seen lots of acquaintances here who have split up this past year--and they do seem like they have moved on and are pretty together. I am starting to wonder if there is something really wrong with me. Or is it just that I have to keep dealing with him--and it just never ends. I hate feeling like this. Oh well. Talk to you later. Pat<p>How is it going with you? Any new developments?

Dear Pat,<p>I just dropped in here since you sent me a lovely cyberhug on my thread, so......right back atcha!!!<p>Now...you need to get your assets frozen RIGHT NOW. Giving H any time at al will deplete funds even further. I thought my H would never do it to me, but by the time I did investigate stuff, he had drained $50,000 Australian dollars from the funds, and we have no idea where they are.<p>Do yourself a big favour and get a good financial advisor to look into things. That is what i did, and he saw the missing funds right away......whereas they were invisible to me.<p>Protect yourself and your children. The WS has no morals.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky.