--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am thankful that threw the grapevine I found a long lost college friend who has gone through the same situation. She just introduced me to the 'bible' SA and I don't know where I'd be without her.
My H and I married in June 01 after dating for 5 years. He was always head over heels for me and everyone knew it. During 01, I moved 6 times and lost 2 people in my family (9/11). Three of the moves were since our marriage just 8 months ago. Due to the move I had a difficult time adjusting (no job and no friends and family) and truly being there for my husband. I expected him to be the solution for all my woes and did little to meet his needs. He tried for a month or 2 to do this but got sick of all the work. Unfortunately we never had the blissful 'honeymoon', and i soon lost his interest and affection. <p>During the past year he has been speaking on the phone with an attractive young acctg. girl 4-5 times a day. And truly enjoyed her company and conversation. When he first started this relationship he was many states away from her and hadn't met her face to face. This last move has not only found us in the same state as this colleague but also in the same office. They finally met and he told me how attractive she found him. A few weeks later he took her to dinner to thank her for all the work she had done for him over the past years. It never dawned on me what this would begin.<p>We have begun to fight a lot, he withdrew, didn't enjoy my company, no longer found me attractive and eventually he asked me to leave saying that may anger and nagging to cheer up had become too much. <p>It has been 10 days since I moved out. We did go to a counselor last week and I have started my plan A (out of the house obviously) and he has agreed to go back even though he insists he is only doing it so when we get a divorce he can tell everyone that 'he tried'. In counseling he is so stubborn about not wanting to be with me and not being in love or attracted to me. He tells the counselor there is nothing to be done.<p>I am so hurt and confused and sad. I have so many questions. I am uncertain if he is cheating I believe the affair is only emotional now and he finds himself in conflict with his moral background and personality. I fear that if i make a wrong move it will be sexual and his guilt and shame and stubborness will keep him from coming back. His family is pressuring him to work it out with me. They have become increasingly angry with him.<p>Is he cheating? or could he just be going through a depression or something?
By allowing him to throw me out am I making it too easy for an affair to begin?
When we return to counseling should I confront him with the suspect affair? (i'm in plan A)
What can i do?
can he be fired?

MCM,<p>I think you need to do some reading here. It would appear that your H is having what is called an "emotional affair" EA. You will come to realize that whether or not it becomes a physical affair, PA, there is great danger to your marriage now. I think you realize this.<p>However, educating your husband to the fact he is already having an affair is not going to help you. He needs to see you in a different light than he does now. Thus your Plan A needs to be very good. You need to try and meet his needs when you can. Work on the things about yourself you feel need to be improved. Particularly those things that might have drive him away.<p>More people will post to you once the weekend is over, but go to the library or book store and read two books His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair, by Harley.<p>Hang in there and allow patience and time work for you. Most affairs do die once they are brought to the light of day. <p>God Bless,<p>JL

TALK!!! TALK!!! TALK!!! & even more TALK!!!
Try to talk to him and tell him the way you really feel. If my WW would have, the A probably wouldn't have happened. H*ll, if I would have talked to her about why I withdrew from her (her constant lying), maybe the A wouldn't have happened. Like I said, TALK!!! Learn what "his" needs are, so you will be more able to meet them.<p>It's never to late to get the marriage going in the right direction again. Try to do this to end the A before it goes to far, it's harder then.

Your husband is in "the fog." Sounds like he is totally withdrawn and doesn't care if you meet his needs or not. He may be just looking for a justification to leave and, like 99% of men, is unaware of what is going on. Read the books recommended above - quickly. Use every possible angle to get your H to reconsider. Remind him that there is no good divorce and that no matter how well it goes, the kids will be scarred. Try and get him to agree to at least give the Harley method a try before doing anything drastic - including escalating his EA into a PA! If it's not going to work, then he has little to lose by giving it a shot. At least then he'll know he gave it real try, not a "token" try. There are a lot of people who have been through what your H is going through.

bump....