Ok, I have a few question I would like thoughts on, mainly from the spouses who has cheated (damn I hate that word) If this post gets harsh it's only cuz I have questions that I want answered.. It's not towards anyone, except my H..<p>How could you love me enough to stay with me, but hate me enough to do this to me? and how on earth could you watch my pain, not knowing WHY I was being pushed away, and just discount my feelings everyday, making me feel "dramatic" or "emotional"... How could you spend all those hours w/ her planning your lives together then come to bed to me? How can you chose to devastate someone you love intentionally? I'm not accepting the fog theory.. H is 30 y/o he knows right from wrong. He knew it was wrong otherwise he wouldn't have hide it from me.<p>Wheww.. In the middle of this post I broke down.. Fortunately H was home and helped me through it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Didn't say anything, but just held me and let me bawl my eyes out. It feels good to let it all out.. <p>Thanks all..

I'm not a betrayer, but I can do two things for you. <p>1) I'll give your post a bump.<p>2) I'll give you a big hug.<p>My x had a construction accident in July '00. He has been left with permanent disability and a traumatic brain injury. He is in a wheelchair most of the time now, but can get around his little apt with a walker most of the time. <p>Traumatic injury is the pits. One last hug for the road.<p>Elizabeth

Elizabeth..<p>I'm sorry to hear of your H accident. A traumatic accident is hard to get through, I must admitt. Hopefully were strong enough to heal, finally. It's been 5 yrs and were just now dealing with resentments. <p>I'm sorta numb today. I got more developments and and I'm taking them pretty personally. I found out H was telling the ow about our sex life, and how it was "different". I took the comment about not being capable of doing a few positions very personally. That was like a dagger cutting open the wound again. That was the only thing of "ours" that he didn't contaminate during the A. I feel like he left nothing for us. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Because of my disability that was the one thing, I thought, I could do right and keep him happy. Guess I was wrong. H came to my aide when it started getting to me. And talked me out of my head, but I'm still numb. Fortunately our MC appointment is this afternoon.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: hopin2heal61497 ]<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: hopin2heal61497 ]</p>

JTW<p>I had to say that I just realised your H REALLY fell off a building...I thought you said that as an expression of how stupid he was in having an A. Whoops.<p>Dancer [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by hopin2heal61497:<p>How could you love me enough to stay with me, but hate me enough to do this to me? and how on earth could you watch my pain, not knowing WHY I was being pushed away, and just discount my feelings everyday, making me feel "dramatic" or "emotional"... How could you spend all those hours w/ her planning your lives together then come to bed to me? How can you chose to devastate someone you love intentionally? I'm not accepting the fog theory.. H is 30 y/o he knows right from wrong. He knew it was wrong otherwise he wouldn't have hide it from me.<p>ALady: Because I was selfish and unwillingly to deal with our problems in a responsible way. I betrayed you, our family and myself in the worst possible way. It was all about me, and the poor decisions I made. It was never about you, you didn't deserve this. I hope you'll forgive me and allow me to prove my love and earn your trust again. <p>That's a short summary of what I said. I meant it too. <p>Hopin: Wheww.. In the middle of this post I broke down.. Fortunately H was home and helped me through it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Didn't say anything, but just held me and let me bawl my eyes out. It feels good to let it all out.. <p>Alady: I'm glad hubby was able to help you through this. Some times the best thing you can do is let it out emotionally. Best wishes to you.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ALady:
<strong>
ALady: Because I was selfish and unwillingly to deal with our problems in a responsible way. I betrayed you, our family and myself in the worst possible way. It was all about me, and the poor decisions I made. It was never about you, you didn't deserve this. I hope you'll forgive me and allow me to prove my love and earn your trust again. <p>That's a short summary of what I said. I meant it too. <p>
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>ALady.. All I can say is THANK YOU!! You'll never know how much I needed to read that. I was crying before I ended the first 2 sentences.

Dear Hopin,
No excuses. It was one of the most deceitful things that I have ever done. I was only thinking of myself during my A. It was one of the most self centered things I have ever done. I had total disregard for my H's feelings. Instead of looking within my marriage I chose to go outside of it to find answers to my problems. I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused my H. I would give anything to have found a better way of dealing with my "issues". <p>It was my choice and I accept all blame for it. My H did NOTHING wrong. He is NOT to blame. I could have turned the other way but I CHOSE to continue with my A. I am so sorry. <p>I hope you find peace. It sounds like your H is doing the right thing. Holding each other and "letting it all out" is the best medicine.<p>Take care,
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