I was told to come to this section because I may get more advice. I found out about a year and a half ago that my husband was having an emotional affair with my best friend. He confronted her about it and she was very upset and let me know. That's how I found out. He denied it at first and
then finally confessed. I know I've been told that
his emotional needs werent being met but I guess I didnt include the whole story. Before his emotional affair he had anger control problems. He never actually hit me but he did get alittle physical. Well that was three years ago when that occured so it was hard for me to forgive him for that and to continue to love him when I never knew when he was going to blow up. He gets very verbal too when he gets angry. Well his anger got better but when I was trying to forgive him for that and trying to understand(because he was an abused child)I probably wasnt fulfilling all his needs like he wanted. Mine werent being met either he is very critical and judgemental of every thing I do. I can never do anything right it seems. We also have two children ages 6 and 3.
He refuses to go to marriage counceling,because he is too stingy with money. I always tried talking with him and telling him how I was feeling but he never took my feelings seriously and then later on I find out about him trying to have a fling with my best friend. I know maybe I need to just get out but I also have my kids to think of. Please help! I just dont know what to do.

Hi and welcome to Marriage Builders. <p>There is a welcome package here somewhere. If someone doesn't post it soon, I will do it later (when I get home).<p>I am sorry you are here dealing with these lack of trust issues. Forgiveness is a hard thing to do. Rebuilding trust is also difficult. <p>Love is a word that has lost it's strength and meaning for many of us right now. <p>You are among those who will understand the pain and frustration experienced by both you and your H. <p>For starters click on the concepts section under the MB logo at the top of this page. Then go to the Just Found Out site and look for OneGoing's welcome threads (about 4 of them). <p>Do a lot of reading. There are some good books also: Surviving an affair, his needs/her needs etc. <p>Then come back and ask all the questions you want. <p>take care,
L.

TrappedandSad <p>I am sorry for all that you are going through.<p>I would like to say to you and your husband that you both would really and truely benefit from counselling.I can say that because it is helping my marriage. Anger management is a very serious issue, ask your husband if your marriage is worth the extra expense. Also see if your healh insurance covers mental health, i.e.: depression,anger.<p>Best of luck to you and your marriage.<p>[ March 24, 2002: Message edited by: luv4wwl ]</p>

Hi,<p>Here is that welcome pkg. It tends to be a bit slow on the weekends. <p>There's a lot to raed here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=015609 <p>Let us know what you think.<p>L.

Trapped,
Are you still afraid of your H? Does he control the money, who you can see, where you can go? If so, you are still in an abusive situation. Do you have someone you can talk to..a medical provider, clergyman, woman's shelter? They can often refer you to free or low cost services.<p>Put your physical and emotional safety first. Worry about the marriage second.
T

First of all, thank God that your friend had the sense to tell you. My former best friend pretended not to be interested and ended up having sex with my H, all of the while lying about it and acting like she cared about me. <p>Our marriage did make it, after a 9 mo separation, prayer, lots of counseling, reading, etc. I just found out the truth 8 mos ago, that it was physical. They both lied for 6 years and said it was emotional only. Well, I shouldn't say I've heard from her, the friendship was destroyed.<p>So now I have to start the healing ALL over again. I am VERY resentful. I will tell you that it is almost impossible to heal from this without counseling. As far as him being too stingy, maybe if there were consequences he'd wake up. We have spent over $5000 on counseling thru all of this as our ins. doesn't pay. But let me tell you, it's way cheaper than a divorce.<p>You need to set some boundaries (have you read the book?) and stick to them. The book Torn Asunder really helped me, as did the article "Shattered Vows" at findarticles.com<p>Good luck and keep in touch

P.S. Don't try to forgive and forget. It's not natural to forget this kind of pain. By facing it and remembering it we see that it is possible to forgive, but I really don't think God expects us to forget. that's asking for way too much.