I sure hope that I am posting this in the best place for maximum responses. I really need some opinions!<p>I have the opportunity to take a road trip to Arizona with my kids. My mom lives there and I got a bug up my butt that I needed an adventure and I'd love to see the countryside. My husband is going to be working alot in the next month and would really only be home for a couple hours at night (before bed) and possibly on the weekends. <p>He has no problem with me going, none at all. He never has discouraged me from visiting my mom and taking the kids for 2 1/2 weeks at a time.<p>When this idea first popped into my head, it seemed like a really good idea. The more time that I think about it, the more insecure and fearful I get. <p>First, I am worried about how this will affect our recovery. If we're apart for a month, will we forget all of our progress and what we have learned and the new wonderful habits that we've started for ourselves?<p>He's so encouraging us to go, that I wonder if he's got another plan for himself while we're gone (if ya know what I mean!). I told him that the kids would probably be so sick of the ride there that they wouldn't want to drive back. (we live in Wisconsin) He said that he would fly down to drive us back. hmmmmm.....at first I thought that he was being too accomodating and I got suspicious of his support and ideas to make this easier on me. The more I thought about it, I thought that maybe he just wants to be sure that we're coming back! I'm not sure what his motives are. Not sure that if I asked, he'd tell me.<p>I would hope that he's happy enough in our marriage at this point that cheating again would never enter his mind. Not to mention that the last time he had an affair, the possiblity of pregnancy was an issue. I would think that that would be enough to scare 'it' back into his pants! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So, do I let my fears win out or do I go with my naturally adventurous nature and go on the road trip? I would also be working with my mom occasionally to make some living money so my husband won't be strapped with sending me cash. Is this a time in our lives that I'd be better off doing this at a different time? <p>Dang, I hate being suspicious and fearful. I wish that I could just go with a clear mind and know with all my heart that he wouldn't use this time to be with someone else. <p>Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated!<p>tinlizzy<p>p.s. how do ya all decide which board to post your questions under? why would someone choose General Questions over Recovery or Emotional Needs or Other Topics?

dear tinlizzy-to answer your last question first, about the boards. general questions gets more "traffic" than most of the other boards. usually if you want the most opinions-thats the one.<p>as far as the issue with your fwh-no magic answers here-sorry. i do know how you feel though. my dad was just in the hospital,small minor stroke. i was paralyzed with fear in leaving my wh home alone. it was a terrible situation, so i know how you feel. i did not go-dad got out of hospital in a day or two. i can tell you now, i wish i had gone. my dad has always been there for me,he doesnt know what is going on-no one does really,i just wiah i had gone. regrets are hard to live with. if going to your moms is important-go. dont have regrets.

Just my opinion, I would say no way.<p>How long has the A been over and how long have you been in recovery? Unless it has been a min of six months, I would not risk it. I personally would not risk it at even six months.<p>If you have doubts, I would trust your instincts.

Thanks Nikko and Mr. Bunky.<p>No, I don't want my life to be full of regrets because of what my husband did. I don't want to live in fear and not live my life to the fullest because of those fears.<p>The affair was a one-night stand, maybe 2. It's been almost 5 years that I know of, but I just found out last June.

I would hope that he's happy enough in our marriage
If your marriage is happy, why would you want to leave for a month & not spend time with him?<p>Is this a time in our lives that I'd be better off doing this at a different time?
If you are married, there is no "proper" time to do it. If it is more than a few days, then don't do it.

About the boards..I know people here and also in Recovery..I tend to stay there simply because I know more folks there and the atmosphere is a little more positive...the A's are usually over and people seem to be working in the same direction.<p>About the trip...this is a time to POJA..talk about your fears and plans...maybe he would be able to fly down for a while.<p>He may surprise you..he may have things he would like you and the kids to do..like contacting him, cards..he may be feeling..a little left out.<p>Talk to him!
T

Thanks Chris and Twyla.<p>In response to Chris, it has never been an issue with me traveling to visit with my mom. I figured that since he is going to be working alot,( which is requiring me to take time off from my work), that I would go visit my mom and also work with her to make some money. <p>Twyla, he's very supportive of this, which is great for me and the kids, but I am just a little scared. He promises that he'd never, ever cheat again. He even said that he'd fly down to drive back with us if I wanted.<p>I will talk to him more about this, thanks.<p>t.l.

it has never been an issue with me traveling to visit with my mom.
It doesn't matter if it is an issue with either of you. The point is (with MB philosophy in mind) you should stay around & support (emotionally/mentally) your spouse. You got married to be with him not to take time apart from him. Vacations are to spend time with the one you love & do enjoyable things together to build the love & enable the relationship to grow stronger so things like affairs don't happen.<p>Look at it this way You are "just a little scared" He is going to be under pressure working a lot. You don't even know what happened in the affair. "The affair was a one-night stand, maybe 2. "<p>I say stick around and wait until he can get some time off & join you.<p>He promises that he'd never, ever cheat again.
Didn't he at least imply that when you got married? Not to say you should never trust him again, but at this point why get into any possible situation where you or he may have ANY doubts?<p>[ March 26, 2002: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</p>

Chris, <p>***He promises that he'd never, ever cheat again.
Didn't he at least imply that when you got married? Not to say you should never trust him again, but at this point why get into any possible situation where you or he may have ANY doubts?***<p>Hey, thanks for reminding me of that one. (i think)
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I do know what happened in the affair. One night was 'fooling around' (I didn't care to know the details), the last night was intercourse. I had just had a baby, I wasn't on vacation. Maybe he thought I was.<p>So, are you saying that if my mom were sick and I needed to go care for her, thus leaving my husband alone, that I should not go because I should be with my husband who might be home for 2 hrs before he falls into bed?<p>Wouldn't the POJA really be the deciding factor? <p>People's jobs take them away from their spouse and family for longer than this, what do you think of that? Do you feel that there are acceptable times and unacceptable times to be away from your spouse?<p>What if there never comes a time that I don't have *any* doubts? Would you suggest that I make sure that I stay near my man and that would help? Shoot, there are people who get up for work early, go sleep with their lover before they get to work, go to work and then come home to be with their family. I don't think that me making sure that I'm never away from him for more than a couple days is gonna solve my problem of my insecurities. If he wants to cheat badly enough, I don't think that I have to go out of town for him to do it. Hell, he did it in his parents back yard, so he doesn't have to go far if he chooses to do it again.<p>I do appreciate that you've shared your p.o.v. <p>t.l.