I'm working on plan B and want to give my wife this letter. Before I do I thought I would run it past this forum first for some feedback. thanks for your input.<p>Dear Wife,<p>I feel the need to write this letter before things get too far out of control. I still love you more than anything and need you to know I am here whenever you want to talk. I hurt everyday that we are apart and I’m working hard to understand what you’re going through as well. It is difficult to try something new like open communication, but it has to start so I don’t guess at what you’re really thinking.<p>Some of the pain I’m feeling is from the realization that you don’t want to talk to me about what is bothering you. You talk to your mom, sister, and friends but not to me. You tell me that you’ve told me and that I just don’t want to listen. Well, what I am talking about is the things I do that bother you and you don’t want me to continue doing. If you would open up to me and tell me that you don’t like something, then I won’t do it anymore. I only know what you’re really thinking when you talk to me directly. And that seems to be infrequent. I think it’s because you feel the conversation always goes around and around the same way.<p>You are struggling to hold on to your affair when everyone around you is against it. The one other person who likes it isn’t getting any pressure to end it and thus, doesn’t put pressure on you to end it either. So, you continue to spend time with him because you feel he is the only one who understands you. You refuse to believe anything we’ve told you about him. Maybe it’s because he is the only one you are talking to? Are you the only one he is talking to? <p>You have built up this wall to keep me out because I keep doing things that you don’t like. If I’m invading your privacy and you don’t like it, talk to me about what you feel is off limits so I know. If I’m smothering you with my feelings, talk to me about what’s okay to say and how much. If I’m not listening to what you’re really saying, ask me to repeat it back to you. I understand we didn’t have a very open relationship in terms of communicating our wants and needs with each other. It’s not too late to start. I am struggling to find what’s okay and what’s not and I’m not getting any feedback from you. I don’t know if what I am doing is okay with you unless you tell me. If I keep doing something without knowing it makes you mad or uncomfortable, then it just pushes you away even more. I’m asking you to work with me so I’m not the cause of your pain and unhappiness. That’s where relationships fall apart.<p>I want to work on our marriage so that you are happy and feel you’re getting what you want out of life. Every relationship takes work and I am sorry you feel I wasn’t putting in my share. I want to be the husband you want but I need the input from you as to what you need to be happy.<p>I have asked you in a previous letter to limit our contact to issues surrounding the boys, our house sale, and personal finances. When you have ended your affair and are willing to talk to me about your life, I will listen. Until then, please respect my request of no other contact.<p>With all my love,

I'd say that there's a few places in there that could be misinterpreted as "disrespectful judgments", at least from a WS angle. For example, "You have built up this wall to keep me out because I keep doing things that you don’t like".<p>Although to you and I this seems obvious (and probably IS), she could interpret it as telling her how she's thinking or feeling - a LB.<p>You might want to give it another pass, pretending that you're reading it as her (yes, in all of her foggy-mindedness) - make sure it comes across as a love letter - that's what a Plan B letter needs to be.<p>Others might have some more specific comments.....

I've already given her my plan B letter. This is just some more communication with her. I'm just trying to let her know that I understand it takes open communication and I'm willing to do my part but I need her talk to me as well.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MT in AK:
<strong>I've already given her my plan B letter. This is just some more communication with her. I'm just trying to let her know that I understand it takes open communication and I'm willing to do my part but I need her talk to me as well.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I've never written to you before, that I remember, and perhaps I am misunderstanding... but... if you gave her a Plan B letter, you have NO "Open Communication" with her. Plan B is to preserve the love you have remaining by separating yourself from the WS completely. <p>You must have NO EXPECTATIONS.