Thanks Jo for your concern. Keep checking, OK. I really need all the hammering I can get. And I'm really good at accepting constructive criticism.<p>Lex, Thank you so much for your words and your time. I hear you loud and clear. It's a beautiful sunny day in Toronto and somehow warmer weather makes me miss him more. <p>Hugs to both of you.

Dear BIF, Nice to hear from you. And yours is an incredible success story.<p>Thank-you for adding some positive encouragement.

Terrified,<p>Just wanted to say that having been a WS I too think that your marriage is far from over. I agree with Lexxy, contrary to what he says, it seems that your H doesn&#8217;t think it&#8217;s over yet either. His actions and email confirms that too. Does his family knows about the current situation? Does your child know?<p>He is also hurting , confused and scared. We need a lot of convincing and proof that things will change because in our minds we want to believe that the marriage is over, so we could somehow stop the suffering and move on. Trust me - the begging, pleading ,crying and/or any sorts of emotional blackmail will only push him further away inside. It will make him sick with pain, overridden with guilt and conflict which only reinforces his belief of not wanting to be with you. Like somebody else said on this thread &#8211; nobody likes a victim. I know it doesn&#8217;t matter but people on the outside will think &#8211; &#8216;no wonder he doesn&#8217;t want to be with her&#8217; &#8211; I am sure that crosses their mind sometime. <p>I think if you follow the divorce busting tips (and I mean really do it) , he will start thinking &#8211; &#8216;hey maybe I don&#8217;t really want to leave this&#8217;. The absence of emotional outbursts also creates a stable environment for him to see things more clearly. Not be swayed too much by emotions. Then bit by bit he will start opening up, being nice, giving opportunities for you to get closer to him and etc. Also your friend, the one that send you the email, she will be happy to see the changes. <p>This is just my opinion. Coming from a WS, I hope this will give you some sort of encouragement.

Dear PF, Nice to hear from you too. And it also feels pretty good to know a WS's thinking. My Easter promise to myself to MB...no matter what, I will stop being the victim. <p>Thanks for your encouragement and support.

One thing I did forget to ask...did your WS or you were the WS, did you stop wearing wedding rings, jewellery gifts from wife???

I stopped wearing mine.
And it was a big issue for my H.
I truly did not feel married anymore.
After D-day (both of us revealed affairs) I never wanted to wear it again.
H still wears his.

One thing I did forget to ask...did your WS or you were the WS, did you stop wearing wedding rings, jewellery gifts from wife??? And if so,why?

Hi Lex, Well, that's what my H is now saying. I know I can't worry about H and his behaviour. But how are you and my H different in your certainty? No, he's not rushing to make this legal and practically no one knows of the affair BUT...he has left and IS still talking to overseas OW so...<p>Ok, Lex, I'll stop analysing. Just wanted to tap into the WS psyche while you're still around. <p>Take care and have a good Easter weekend.

&#8220;One thing I did forget to ask...did your WS or you were the WS, did you stop wearing wedding rings, jewellery gifts from wife??? And if so,why? &#8220;<p>I was the WS. I have never really worn my wedding ring or any rings on my finger. Its always been like thins since I got married. I play a lot of sports and it gets in the way. So its not an issue for me or even for her. I still wear the gold chain she and the kids gave me from X&#8217;mas 2 years ago. But I don&#8217;t think it means anything more than &#8211; &#8216;I like the gold chain, its from my kids and wife, I appreciate it so I am wearing it&#8217;. We are in the process of getting a divorce. You shouldn&#8217;t look too deeply into it. <p>&#8220;&#8230;.practically no one knows of the affair&#8221;<p>Another sign that he is still uncertain. Usually WS would prefer not to tell and be open about the separation and/or affair until they are very sure in themselves that this is what they want (for some WS this process could take ages). It is a difficult decision to reach. To come to the point when you don&#8217;t second guess yourself anymore or feel the need to justify your actions, you must have really thought about it long and hard. But before reaching a decision, we do seek to prove our feelings and beliefs wrong (i think this is where you come in). Whether this can be done depends on the quality of your relationship, the dynamics of the affair, presence of OP and many other things. <p>Hope this helps, have a good Easter.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terrified:
<strong> No, he's not rushing to make this legal</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Do you know what it takes to make it 'legal' here in Ontario? I did so... much searching on this topic a year ago, when I was in your shoes (the BS form of waffling).<p>After hearing so much info on here about finding out what it takes to have a legal separation, I figured it must be some great project. Then I found out that it CAN be - in the U.S.!!!<p>Financial matters aside... in order to become 'legally' separated from your spouse, all you need to do is contact Revenue Canada, and ask for 'change in marital status' forms. They mail them out to you, and once you have passed the 90 day mark of living in separate residences, then you mail it back. That's it. No more.<p>Now, what I found out in my searches, that totally blew me away, was that there really isn't any such thing as legal separation, although in order to obtain a D, you must be separated for at least one full year. Of course there are very few exceptions to that rule - abuse being way up there, and infidelity as well - BUT you would have to prove it, which is really hard to do without video surveillance! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] (hehehe).<p>I filled out the forms once my 90 days were up (actually, I had filled them out the day I got them in the mail, and had the 90 day mark x'd off on my calendar - and mailed them out that day). I told my H what I had done (he was CONSTANTLY reminding me that we were separated, and anything he did was none of my business), and all I asked of him was to do his part. To call revenue Canada and have his address changed. He wouldn't. He didn't. And there was SQUAT I could do about it (other than 'return to sender' any and all mail that came to MY house).<p>Sorry about dragging this on here: but here's a drastic 180 suggestion for you: How about if YOU file for this 'legal separation'. Tell your H what you've done (once it's already happened), tell him you have taken these steps to protect yourself (which is so true) and because it is something that HE wants - don't forget to REINFORCE how you want to work on your M, but it takes TWO people to do that.<p>You may as well get some of the benefits of being separated here in Canada too. Are you eligible to receive CTB? (child tax benefit - known to us as 'baby bonus' from when we were kids... hehehe). With the income of both you AND your H, you probably don't get it. But with only YOUR income, you might just be eligible!!! Hey! That's extra money towards your childcare EVERY month (on the 20th) and it's TAX FREE!!!! You can also apply for the child care supplement for working families, and see if you can get some extra money from there. I am NOT implying that you need money, I am suggesting that this is a way you could do a 180 on your H to show him that you can manage on your own.<p>These are only a few suggestions based on what "I" did. Those were things that were right for ME to do FOR ME. If they work for you too, then great. If not, I know you'll find something that does.<p>Karen