I dont know what triggered it but once again i had dream including the XOW ( you may recall she bothered us for about a year )
any how in this dream H and I were at an arport i do not know where we going but we had a few hours to spare so h said lets go to XOW's house and chill there cause she lives close by. of course i didnt want to go there so H dragged me kicking and screaming to her house.
Once inside i attempt to remain nonchalant and sit at the table with a coffe that i bought before we got there. i guess in the dream i was kind of like paralized or something because when they kissed and hugged hello i just stood there like duh? ..huh... anyways after some time of them shooting the bull or whatever it was they were doing inthe other room Ow comes in and sits at the table with me and pulls out a caladar for 2000. thus she proceeded to go through the dates that had all these little heart stickers on them and told me everything thay did on these days........ went to lunch or driving etc..... she looked like she was taking a trip don memory lane the way she was caressing the calander HACK GAG.
then she comes to the date of October 12th. (DDAy) ans tells me this is the day they first made love.( its supposedly was only an EAand after i found out all contact stopped) and that after I found out i was such a ***** that he ran straight to her. she then THANKED ME!!!!! i guess my paralasis wore off cause she was up and running and i was chasing her wanting to pull her hair out. finally H caught up with us and dragged me away....still protecting her to my way of thinking.......... then i woke up<p>a few weeks ago we had a conversation about her and in it he was ONCE AGAIN telling me what arough life she had and how crappy her marraige was and that ahem........ he was a pawn in her game to get revenge onher H.ummm yeah OK then he tells me how sorry he feels for HER..........guess he misses her....ahhh well what can i do.<p>Im ready for indivisual therapy i think i need one on one first before marraige counsiling i need to work on me first. and get over this resentment for H before i can work on us<p>
someone tell me its gets better

It gets better...<p>If your H is an active part in recovery and is sincere and behaving trustworthily.<p>I think your dreams are dealing with your anger & fears. You are normal for a BS.<p>Individual therapy is a good thing. We had a great counselor, very flexible, some sessions he'd see me 15 min, H 15 min, then finish out with us together. The issues of being BS or WS are very different and sometimes do benefit from some one on one time with a C.

It does get better! <p>Ok, now that that is said, let's see if I can offer a few more words to help you pull your head obove that water.<p>I am a WS, and my BH went through many times of bad dreams of me and OM and daytime thoughts, etc. The more you try to forget it all the more it will haunt you. You have to accept that you may (and most likely) never forget it all, but know that it does get easier to deal with. Also, I have said this many times to others, I think that it is important that every BS is given a chance to voice ALL of what they feel ALL AT ONCE. Unfortunately, for this to work you have to wait for the time that the WS is ready to simply sit, listen, and realize this is a cleansing not an attack. I did this for my husband and I truly believe it helped him start his healing. <p>In time, the more you can discuss things calmly, the better you will feel. The pain is there and it is real, accept that and move forward. Don't try to make it go away, simply allow it to heal in time.<p>I hope this helps. What you feel is normal, and difficult. Remember, there will be good days, there will be bad days, there will be really bad days, but there will be good days. Take care.

I know what you are going through, I too was in your shoes. First I want to tell you it does get better and I must say that God in my life was the key to happieness. One thing that helped me to sleep well at night was to listen to some good worship music as I fell asleep. I bought a new alarm clock that plays CD's and it also wakes me up to more worship music. Not only does it help to remove unwanted dreams, I find myself singing praise to God in my mind all through the day and the comfort that praise and worship to our Lord gives ones soul is pricless. I hope this helps and my prayers are with you and your family.<p>SH