When WS does come around and is willing to work on the marriage, how long does it take to completely believe the things they say to you? My H says the sweetest things to me now and I find in the back of my mind I'm wondering if he truely feels as he says or if he just says what he knows I want to hear? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Acme,<p>I have recovered once with H after his first A, approx 10 years ago. When your H's actions consistently match his words is when you'll know you can start to trust what he tells you.<p>JMVHO ....<p>God Bless,<p>Jo<p>p.s. Whenever I see the word "Acme" I think of the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

From where I'm standing right now, I don't think I'll ever believe any of it. I have such tangible proof in the form of cards he gave me during the A, and I could hand you one of those and the most recent one (Valentine's Day for instance), and NO ONE would be able to tell the difference. I posted those back on V-day because the card meant absolutely nothing to me--made me mad, in fact, because there is no way to tell the difference, so I just don't believe anything he says anymore, especially in regard to feelings about me or our M.<p>We obviously don't have the same definition for the word "love", so I just let him say it, but I no longer interpret it to mean anything significant. Ditto the compliments or other "sweet nothings". They're nice and a long time in coming and they would have meant a lot to me a long time ago, but they have no meaning to me anymore. He probably said all the same things to the OW, too. So, I just don't invest in any of that anymore, and what Jo said about actions is right--that is the only thing worth listening to IMO.