My hubby works the night shift at a local fast food resturant. Lately, due to being understaffed nights he'll help clean up. I usually don't sweat it. But tonight... Well tonight H turned into an inconsiderate punk. He left the house saying, I'll be home at 11. C ya then Then on the way out the dooragain states I'll c ya in 4 hours. Well.... 11:00 rolls around, no H.. 12:00 comes and goes still no H or phone call, 1am.. No phone call no H I go to sleep. I wake up at 3:30 he's home says hes been home 45 min. But forgot to pick up the phone, after trying to convince me he
couldn't call me. Well long story short.. He's packing. In my anger I told him I couldn't go on.. That I want him out.. Well, I do want him out, but I don't want him to leave, but I can't go on like this.<p>~*~Okay a brief update~*~<p>Ok, H fell asleep. Giving me a sec to reflect. Him having Narcolepsy does has it's advantages. <p>
In my anger Asked him "who was he banging at work, cuz nobody spends 4 hours cleaning Taco Bell" He said Jennifer told me about the health inspection. Ok, I can deal with that, but why no phone call? He said he couldn't. I'm like "Wait!! they want him to stay BUT he can't call home to let his wife, who's nude in bed [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] , know he's staying late?? WRONG!! He only fessed up that he "forgot" only after I told him I'll ask Jen, his boss, if he even asked to use the phone. Finally he comes clean with I forgot. I told him I couldn't go on like this.. He's still lying, little white lies, but lies nonetheless. He can't see where he lied. That is where I asked him to leave. As long as he's still dishonest it's a dagger picking at the wound. He started packing, I got that empty feeling. Why doesn't he see that he wouldn't react any differently, and especially under these circumstances. He's doing EVERYTHING right, we've come a long ways but the little lies aren't helping! <p>Is there some sort of odd disorder where people think little white lies aren't really lies? I'm noticing he is honest about the big things, money, the affair, us, his feelings, but the little things he lies about. It's like he picks and chooses his lies but he sees himself being honest.<p>Any ideas on this?<p>[ March 27, 2002: Message edited by: hopin2heal61497 ]</p>

Bumping for all to see [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Someone Help, I'm lost on this one!!

Hello there,
As I understand it I think pretty darn common with many WS's. Mine included... little things here and there.. it hurts to no end. I think sometimes they can justify it in their heads as, not really lies, but half truths.<p>What is also common is us BS' reacting baddly sometimes when they DO tell us the truth. It takes a while I think for the WS to know it is OK to tell the truth. We have to make it clear that the lie is whats hurtful without lecturing or blowing up or doing whatever that might make them regret telling us the little truth they did tell us.<p>Good luck I know how it feels to be at the end of your rope. I've pretty much told my WW much the same thing.. I cant go on like that. But we are still trying.<p>good luck!
-HI

no real advice here-just know the situation. husband did something similar to me and his response was "i guess we just look at things differently." my reply "yeah-like our wedding vows!"

Thank you both HangingIn and Nikko for your replys..<p>HangingIn you wrote:
It takes a while I think for the WS to know it is OK to tell the truth. We have to make it clear that the lie is whats hurtful without lecturing or blowing up or doing whatever that might make them regret telling us the little truth they did tell us.<p>My reply:
I'm trying hard not to blow up, actually this is the first time in a while. I think what sent me over the edge was he couldn't see he was wrong and being inconsiderate. He knows I worry especially when hes working late. He knew ahead of time but didn't call. I can't see how you can "forget" for 4 hours ok, 5 hours. When he said I forgot.. I felt unimportant and rejected. All I needed to hear is Your right, I'm sorry.. I should have been more considerate.