I'm still new here, but I've recommended this place to a few people, just to read and get some understanding on things. One of my friends is a newlywed and still in that "lovey dovey the sun rises and sets on his behind" phase, and I think that's wonderful but I figured she should read here for a look at things that can and do happen, even to the best marriages. I recommended the entire forum actually. <p>She doesn't feel that reading a board such as this can help her. She says that it will only make her depressed and suspicious and cause her problems that she doesn't have currently. I think it helps to know about these things - none of us here ever thought we would be here! And honestly, had I known about this place years ago and were able to read it, I may have recognized the signs LONG before I did and saved myself a lot of pain, maybe even headed the first affair off before it happened.<p>What do you think? Is it best for happily married folks to turn a blind ear to horror stories?

Maybe suggest to her to read one of the books that's not overtly about surviving affairs, but about meeting each others' needs. Specifically "His Needs, Her Needs" comes to mind. I've read that one and think it has a lot of positive things in it about relationships, although many of the stories within are about affairs. <p>Maybe others can offer recommendations. I've heard a lot of good things about "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", but I've not read it myself.<p>Good luck. I think that's a great idea. I really, really wish I had done something like that 26 years ago!

Hmmmm...very good question. I think that most newlyweds have NO DESIRE for someone to rain on their parade. But I also think that so many people could save theirselves a TON of stress if they could learn better relationship skills. If she and her new hubby, while in their lovey dovey stage, could explore the things that can happen 5-7 years down the line...then maybe when it pops up they can fall back on that information, rather then getting in over their heads and having to dig out like the rest of us do. Or maybe even help take some preventative measures!! Maybe the forum, however, isn't the answer. Because she is right...this is the really dark side of it...and it's geared towards those who are already in deep. A book would be more analytical, less devestating to read, and you wouldn't have to pick through to find the important information...it would have it layed out chapter by chapter. You know, it's hard to be sympathetic and really understand what it is these people are going through (from ALL SIDES) unless you've been there or know someone who's been there...so for a novice newlywed it might look like a bunch of whiners all gathering to complain in a woe-is-me manner...kind of like most of these posters feel about gloryb. Obviously it's a lot more complicated than that, but to someone who has no experience in it, and especially who wants to negate the fact that this CAN happen to her...it might be overwhelming. She'd probly spend more time sorting out all the ways she and her hubby aren't like anyone here. And it might be hard to find the information that might actually help them...as this forum is mostly geared towards those who are at a far different level in marriage. I'd let her know that the statistics are alarmingly high for infidelity affecting a marriage...and then maybe point out the rest of the site, not necessarily just this forum. There is plenty of good information, without following one particular story.

I see 2long recommended some books, and I got to thinking I should have too. I read some GREAT ones this last year. THe first that comes to mine is A Womans Book of Life by Joan Borysenko....it's an awesome explanation of cycles that we women go through. I had no idea that we go through a major change around 30...so I blamed the feelings of frustration I was having on the marriage. You don't have to read the whole book (I still haven't) since it's broken down by age categories. She can read the chapters that pertain to her age, and the next cycle...so she'll be prepared. The other book I'd highly recommend and she'd LOVE (being a newlywed and all) is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Really good book...quick read (my H even read it!!!) and it's fun. I can think of some other good ones, but it's not like she'll want to check out a whole friggin library. These would both be EXCELLENT and quick and easy to read.<p>[ March 27, 2002: Message edited by: hope4future ]</p>