I've received my divorce papers on Monday. I am dealing with a lot of raw emotions.<p>I just spoke to my 9yo D now and she told me that her Dad wants to take them on holiday next week because he is exhausted and needs a break. He will be phoning me tonight to find out if I will let them go. I have not spoken neither seen my H in three months. <p>I am also angry because since D-Day, he has been on leave from work in August for 3 weeks - stress due to A and in December 01 he took one month annual leave and me O' my God, I had to work through all this trauma. I took off two days in Feb 02 when I had to start my new job. For the next year I will not be able to take leave again.... I am tired, so tired. Lord, please help me.<p>Why is life so unfair??????????????????

Sweet Ginny,<p>Gosh darn Adam and Eve for eating that apple!<p>You are strong. I know what it feels like to be so tired you can't even think. <p>My way of getting thru things has been to constantly remind myself, and have my friends remind me how strong I am. God knows you better than you know yourself, and He would not allow for things to become more than you can handle. <p>When I go over my past two years I can say that God really must trust me, and know that I will be able to do it. It is the running joke of my girlfriends how "If it can happen, it happens to Beth."<p>Think of what a wonderful example of a woman you are giving to your daughter. It may not feel like it now, and she may see you cry, but she can also see that women are smart and strong and capable. You have continued being a good mom and working hard through all of this adversity. Sure, it wasn't even close to easy, and it isn't close to being over, but your daughter is being taught that life has it's twists and turns, and they can be handled gracefully. <p>If you feel comfortable letting the kids go on vacation with him, then away they go! Pretend it is a mini-holiday for you. Plan to do something special each day. Splurge on some fancy coffee - Do you have Starbucks? Get a good book and take some time after work to read. Play some loud music and dance naked in your living room. Buy yourself a beautiful blank book, and start a list of good things. <p>Life is unfair, but for every rotten, stinking thing that happens try to find something of joy. <p>This is the silliest thing, but it really has helped me. I cannot have a dog or cat because of allergies, and I kill fish and plants without even trying, but I have these two little parakeets that bring me a ton of joy.<p>They are easy to take care of, never cry, don't yell at me ever, and are not expensive. They sing to me all day long, and they are a nice little sparkle of happiness.<p>I hope that I have helped a bit.<p>Love,
Elizabeth

GinnyF,<p>Remember our Lord will not give us a burden more than we could handle. Make HIM the center of your marriage and life, make HIM your personal savior then let HIM do the rest. You will find peace and refuge in HIM. Meanwhile pray specificly on what you want and let HIM fills it so that you could glorify HIS name. Pray so that through your lawyer HE protects you financially and legally.<p>What to do ? ... 3 Months living w/ OW is still in honeymoon, hope OW will LB'ed after Dv is served. You could do plan B but it will look like you are trying to revenge on H, no good. It seems that you still could handle plan A. I would make sure that H knows that it is safe to come back home. They are addicted to each other, let them live their fantasy and see if that fantasy will hold. Dv could be cancel anytime until it is finalized.<p>I will share with you so that you could see there is justice and chances even in light of being served. My sit: WW know OM for 6 years but I do beleive they start PA March last year and she start fall in love about July. He start falling in love with her about September last year. They both really in love. It looks like there is no hope and my WW rejects me any possible way. Now 6 months later, I snooped and taped her conversation w/ OM ... guess what ???, their A is falling. OM lied soo much to my WW that he knows that there is no way for him to build a relation w/ her even he is madly in love w/ my WW. OM still married and he just postponed his Dv 'till June, I am coaching OMW to plan A'ng him and it is working bit by bit. My WW is the dumb one, she gave her self up for a rotten eggs and now she starts seeing his true color. They are fighting about "trust" (oxymoron of the fog), OM's son gave my WW a gifts and OM is jealous about it. OM treats my WW bad, OM pound the table and scream at her on the phone and they had also fought in public !. The moment OM lay hand on my WW, their A is over. OM has a history of physical abuse, alcohol, and drug use. However up to now she still put a different front w/ me ... still acting the same way, rejects me. I know sooner or later this A will fails but I might not be able to save my M. In any case ... a lot of BS mistaken that our WS is having the time of their life, it is not true. There is so much about sex or exciment but the rubber has to hit the road ... I know my WW is in 'roller coaster, OM is also in 'roller coaster, OMW is also in it !!!. The most important thing is we, as BS, get our head clear and take a good care of our self, physically and mentally. Brace for the worst and start planning on it.<p>You have come to the point where you could say w/ or w/o your WS you will be fine. When you 've come to that point, you are at equal footing w/ WS.<p>One last thing, I had witness in my own life that when you let God does the revenge, no one could survive HIS wrath. Let yourself be pure at heart and let HIM does the rest, HE would not let you down !. I pray and wait, some time in despair, but HE lifted me up w/ new discovery of the pain that WW & OM going through right now. This is a roller coaster of our life, hang on to it, someone has to call it quit ... could be you, WS or OP ... do your best to hang on to it.<p>God Bless you -RH-