I want to ask you a couple questions and as always you have the choice of whether you wish to answer them or not. I have no hidden agenda only curiosity about someone I perceive as such a strong person whom I really admire. The questions:<p>Have you begun dating since your D was final?<p>Do you still hope for your H to awaken and come back to you?<p>Do you have any desire to marry again?<p>Have you reached a state of feeling fulfilled without needing to have a man?<p>Thanks in advance [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Such good questions, Tiny Dancer.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Have you begun dating since your D was final?<hr></blockquote><p>No, I haven't dated. I've been asked with some persistence, but my plan is not to date until I feel emotionally strong on my own which is Steve Harley's advice to me. I'm still somewhat frightened being out here all by myself and learning to rely on me for everything. I think I'll know when it's a right time for me to begin dating. But Steve says 1.5 - 2 years is the average divorce recovery time. Who knows, by that time all offers to date may diminish. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Do you still hope for your H to awaken and come back to you?<hr></blockquote><p>No, absolutely not. A while back, with help from my MB friends, I accepted that my relationship with my x-H in every aspect is over. Acceptance did not come easy for me, but it was a big step in personal growth, painful but necessary. <p>What I have been fighting is waiting for he and OW to crash and burn. For some crazy, selfish reason I need to see that happen. I've read this is somewhat a common feeling for a BS once divorced due to an affair. I am doing my best to find out why I need that, and hoping I can move forward, forgive and get past waiting for what I think is poetic justice.<p>TD, If you or any others here at MB have suggestions of how to completely let go of my need to see x-H and OW fail in their relationship, please do offer them. I'm very open to help with this.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Do you have any desire to marry again?<hr></blockquote><p>Yikes! What a question. Well, I love the idea of marriage, and surprisingly, I still believe in marriage. In my imagination I can't see myself single indefinitely. But, after being a member of MB my expectations of marriage have profoundly changed, the proverbial BAR has been raised forever for me. I won't say I'll never marry again, but "if" the opportunity presented itself the potential male candidate would need to be an MB graduate with honors and a scholarship. (hee hee)<p>As it is now, I know there are no guarantees infidelity won't intrude and ravage my life again, and the simple fact is that possibility deters me from wanting an intimate relationship. Pretty sad.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Have you reached a state of feeling fulfilled without needing to have a man?<hr></blockquote><p>That is so hard to answer because I was with my H for so long and I never perceived myself "needing" him as much as "wanting" him in my life. I'm not saying I didn't need him, I did, it's just that I've always been quite independent. Simply knowing he was "there" for me was empowering and felt safe which is an EN of mine. I think most would agree the "state" of marriage naturally provides that EN.<p>I guess I would answer "no" I don't feel fullfilled or happy on my own yet. I think a large part of that is I'm still recovering from the whole betrayal thing and all the negative feelings associated with that ... resentment, anger, mistrust are still lightly present and rear their ugly heads now and then. <p>I work with almost all male engineers and architects, 2K at our campus. I could date and probably, with some focus and effort, marry fairly soon if that was a goal of mine (being the goal oriented female that I am lol), but emotionally I don't have anything to offer anyone. I guess I'm emotionally bankrupt right now. And like I mentioned, understandably, I still have those dern trust issues. Wish I didn't.<p>Thank you for asking me this stuff. Typing it out helped me see better that I do have a plan for becoming whole, and not just out here thrashing about with no direction.<p>If you have any other questions, please don't hestitate to ask. And thanks for asking and thinking about me. <p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ March 28, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Thanks for your reply. As I stated I really do admire you and I see my perception of your strength was right. You are truly a remarkable woman [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As far as your need to see your X and OW fail, I don't have any suggestions because like you I would have that same need and I understand why you feel the way you do. Also, I do believe it will happen.<p>My sister was an OW and a WW. She was married and in an affair with a married man. They both left their spouses and married and I watched and waited and sure enough they are slowly crashing. Each knows the other is capable of cheating because they both did it in their first marriages. My sister can't even stop by my house with out her H calling her cell phone repeatedly asking where she is and she does the same. The need to make each other account for every single minute of every day. That to me would be pure hell and I am watching it take it's toll on their marriage. I feel no sympathy for her. Married men were always off limits to me just as betraying my H is and I don't make an exception because she is my sister. I believe people get what they deserve and she and her H both hurt their former spouses and now they live with the truth of what they did and who they are. Fear not, your X will also have no peace.<p>Thanks again for your reply. Stay strong!