Ok, I started that 'trust factor' thread. Now I will share why that topic is important to me. <p>All you BS' out there whose H's bought jewelry for the OW? How about a rock? No not a diamond, just a boulder.....a rock. <p>Here's the story:<p>There were a total of 4 phone calls from the OW who was previously told on several occasions not to call. 3 to H's cell and 1 to our home phone. The call to our home # was done after the 3 to his cell of which he picked up the call and spoke to her once. <p>Now what is so important to generate 4 calls!??!?!? Hm............ Here is the reason I was given. <p>OW wanted to know if H wanted 'the rock' back. From what I understand it is a real boulder rock used for landscape. She has called for other stupid reasons before each time she was told not to call back. I already let H know that her calls to our home phone really really irritate me. He will have to deal with the ones to his cell but now I need to have it stopped permanently or I will change the phone # he has had for over 20 years. H is somewhat attached to that ph#. Sentimental reasons or just mental reasons? Note sure! LOL!!! <p>I asked what other crazy reason will she call for next week? Dirt? Grass? I was highly irritated. I also said that I would remain in this 'highly stressed mode' until her calls permanently stopped. I said that the obligation of all in our household was to care and protect their family members and that I did not feel protected when she contacts any family member of this home. I said that either I call and tell her to stop, file a harrassment compliant, or change our #. Those were my options. <p>So after working until 12:30am last night, highly wound up from work anyway I get to come home to this mess. H talked a bit and answered some of my questions, I finally fell asleep but then had nightmares of seeing OW driving by with her face constantly changing (especially her nose). Why? I don't know but my neck is soo stiff this morning and my disposition is about the same. <p>I need U all to find some humor in this to help me keep my santity! LOL!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Now to the application of the trust factor. It was not until this morning that I got an apology for this stressful OW stuff. I accepted the apology. This is a start, I will be finding out by Friday, exactly what H will do to make the OW stop calling our home. Not a lot of hope in that but those are his words. <p>He appears to be trying to win back my trust. Oh yea, I was suppose to be happy that even though his work took him near her town he did not stop to even call or see her. Well for some crazy reason that info at 1:30am didn't make me feel real good. Hmmmph.........<p>Oh yea, trust factor..... well what I have learned is that accountability and responsibility are important tools in making the trust factor work. <p>So another chapter in this scary novel is written. The next saga could be tonight or tomorrow. Stay tuned...............<p>L.

Orchid,<p> I still have that 2x4. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] No really I do and it is big and heavy. Maybe we could go over to the OW's house and use it on her. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I can kind of understand him being sentimental about something like a photo or something, but a phone number. I think that it is time he really show you have tired he is of her calls. Change the number at the house and the cell phone. Get a phone plan with detailed billing and have it sent to someone near you or in your family that will give it directly to you and not him. That will mean that he must keep his word and you can keep your sanity. Just my two cents.<p>Indy

Hey Indy,<p>Hm.......very tempting..... between you and the LB fairie, I may have a job for both. Like a tag team? LOL!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Oh I have access to check out his phone and do so periodically. His phone is a work phone so I don't have access to the detail billing. I just hate her calls to our home phone. Yep, I have caller id and I told him that removing caller ID is not the answer. See I anticipate these questions and try to head them off at the pass.<p>I said, she is no friend of mine nor our son's. She is NOT a customer or friend, why is she calling? I said if he has 1 ounce of iota for her feelings over ours, then he knows where he can take it. He was silent at that point. <p>But can you imagine if she had something of value to talk about? I mean 4 calls about a rock? <p>Anyway, I asked him if he had any idea why she would call the house phone. He said maybe because she couldn't get him on the cell. I said I think it is more like her letting me know that he spoke to her. I get this feeling that she is a very territorial/controlling person. Whenever she wants to make a show, I get a call. Funny how I can even detect it. <p>My radar is now up in the high stress mode so he'd better watch out. LOL!!! <p>L.

Oh yea, I forget to mention the 'hard place'. <p>Hm......... right now, that's my heart. It is a hard place and a hard place to be. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Orchid,<p>Doesn't he have caller ID on his cell phone? The answer would be for him to not answer her calls and just let them roll over to voicemail. After a while she will give up. He shouldn't ever be talking to her.

Hi Melody,<p>Yes, he does have caller id but when she uses her home phone her # does not show up. Neither does ours. I try to remember to use *82 but sometimes I forget. So sometimes he even doesn't answer my calls.....arrgh.... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>One of the yucky pieces is that the OW's supposed xh's name is the one that shows when she uses her cell. Hm........ [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

HI orchid,
I think you should just stay on track at this point. Don't change the number, call the police or anything else. Make h handle it TOTALLY. It is his problem, give it back to him and let him prove himself?
How long has this been going on? And is the OW an alcohol or drug user?
aloha, cl<p>(still cannot spell or type!)<p>[ March 27, 2002: Message edited by: cl ]</p>

Hi CL,<p>Good to hear from U!! I don't think OW is into drugs. H is not (just seemed like it during the beginning of the A). OW does buy and sell asiaic tea and the police did say some of those oversea teas are potent. <p>You are right about putting the onis on him. I have been trying to do that and have been getting fairly good results. <p>Her calls are at this time about once a week. But you know every time her monthly comes, she gets freaky and calls repeatedly. Now wouldn't you like to be hooked up to a psyco like that? No wonder her H left!!!! LOL! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

I believe its time for OW to be out of your life Orchid.<p>Don't you? Its to the point that you're having nightmares about her. <p>And btw I think you are very astute in believing that the reason she calls your house is to put you on notice that she's talked to your husband. Sick little game she's playing.<p>Its not acceptable that she's calling him once a week. Its not acceptable that she's calling him at all. Why are you accepting this?<p>If you really and truly want this woman out of your life -- maybe he's got to go too. At least until he's totally willing to make consideration for you his top priority.

Orchid, I have some questions,
What does she do when you answer the phone?
I thought it might be funny if you approach it this way:
O: Hello (very normal and nice)
OW: is H there?
O: I'm sorry, who is speaking please?
OW: her name
O: do you have an account with us?
Ow: no (aggitated by now)
O: If you will leave you name and number, and what this pertains to, I will forward the message on to H. BTY, what is your name again, YOu must forgive me for my forgetfullness, but unimportant people just seem to escape my memory.
OW: angry outburst
O: Thank you for your call, I will forward all of the information you have supplied. Have a nice day, and Who are you again?
What do you think? That would give her a game to think about!!
When my sister's exH had his last affair, the OW called into the radio and won tickets to a concert, My sister called to congratulate her, and then asked "Who are you taking, My husband or Yours?" The OW didn't realize it was my sister until she said that, and she was speechless!!
Have always loved that one. Hope things continue to improve, will check in later.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong><p> Here is the reason I was given. <p>OW wanted to know if H wanted 'the rock' back. From what I understand it is a real boulder rock used for landscape. She has called for other stupid reasons before each time she was told not to call back.
I asked what other crazy reason will she call for next week? Dirt? Grass? I was highly irritated. I also said that I would remain in this 'highly stressed mode' until her calls permanently stopped. . <p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>She wants to know if he wanted the rock back! Rolling eyes... That sounds so much like something our xOW would have done. Any reason for contact, no matter how lame, was good for her. I have a friend who is like that too. If a guy dumps her she more or less turns stalker and will find any and all reasons to contact him. One guy left a T-shirt at her house. Just a grungy old T-shirt. He broke up with her and stopped returnign her (many) calls. She became obsessed with this dumb shirt. You would have thought it was a BMW. "Why would he leave it her if he didn't want to see me anymore.' "I'm sure he must want it back." She finally drove 20 miles to his workplace and took it to him! He told her that security would be notified to look for her in the future. The sad thing is that this girl is an OW waiting to happen, I can see it.<p>[ March 28, 2002: Message edited by: fairydust ]</p>

Did I hear my name mentioned. My wings are burning. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>However I do know what to do with that rock. I'll just take it off mrs. pbr's hands & oh no what's that,........ oops it slipped [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] .

I recall from a few months back, that the very next time OW called your house she was going to be charged with harrassment. Wasn't that something you and your H POJA'd? What happened with that idea? (I must have missed something in a thread somewhere). [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Trust and respect have no room to share with OW. Each time she calls, your trust level decreases. This type of crap does not build trust. Is WS desiring to build trust back into your M?<p>We are talking about major fatal attraction here and this one has got serious abandonment issues. She does not seem to know when to let go. Is H giving her any hope? Praying your H takes the appropriate steps to end this contact. No spouse can sit by idly and accept this type of instrusion into their home. I did forcefully make it known to my WS that OW was never to come here or call here. I could never have handled what you have been through. <p>Good thoughts on trust---even though I am no where near the place in my M and may never get there.<p>TW

Orchid,<p>Do you remember the show "Cybil"? I always liked what her and her friend did to the friends XH "Doctor [censored]". I can see them having some fun like sing with a rock that just ooh ooooh oops, slipped.<p>I am sorry that you are still having to deal with OW, But you do do it with some class!!! Good for you!<p>I did like sfm's advice, I'd like some help from her with WH's, OW, just want to rock the boatr some!!!<p>Keep the chin up, you give all of us hope and guidence in how to deal with this sh...stuff!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi, <p>Thanks for your support. <p>
sfmc, in response to your ???s - the OW does not call when I am home. She maybe a psyco rabbit but not a dummy bunny just a dumb bunny. Notice the difference?!??! LOL! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have though about something similar but the wacko OW tapes most of her phone conversations. She has admitted to playing them over and over. So much so that she accused the WS (h) of calling her when he did not (the times she quoted, he was with me - go figure....). ex of OW: she left a message last year that H called her 22 times. But in reality it was that she had played back 22 messages. Hm........how do I know? She admitted it to him. Could be a lie but matches her MO.<p>Topie, about the harrassment thingy. Yep you are right. When I said that the first time, H was not at home. Then he came home and her calls increased so I said I wanted to file. H would not let me. Now he says he will allow it but prefers to find another alternative. I really just need her out of my life. I expect one day to open my door and see her there on my doorstep! YUCK!!! Kinda like that fatal attraction movie. The only thing she has going for her is she is a fraidy cat. Go figure, she is taller than me. 5'4" vs 4'10". Who would you be more afraid of? Oh, maybe it's the lion and the mouse syndrome. LOL!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>By the way Sing? I like your idea. You sure come up with some good ones. LOL!! splat! <p>
L.<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> 5'4" vs 4'10". Who would you be more afraid of? </strong><hr></blockquote><p>To be honest, the 4'10" one. Why? Cuz I'm 5'10" tall and have always been taught to watch out for the little guys. My dad used to refer to the shorts ones as 'twerps'. That being smaller, they could get away with more and not be caught. Hehehehe.... hey O! That sure puts you in the advantage, huh? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Oh Topie, <p>Don't you know that it's suppose to be that 'good things' come in little packages?!?! At my height, I make a bigger impact on the phone!!!! LOL! <p>I remember once when I went on a business trip to visit another division of my company, several of the people I had only spoken with on the phone (never exchanged pix or sent e-mails), thought I was much taller. Hm.......why? because they said I had a way of sounding like I knew what I was talking about and in charge of my group. They said it was a compliment and that they were sure I was this 'big tall lady'. he he he......guess who had the last laugh? All of us. I can take short jokes anytime. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Orchid, Is WS desiring to build trust back into your M? Does he comprehend the importance? Is he giving her any hope? That may be the foundation that needs to be broken in this scenerio.<p>TW

I admire your sense of humor in the face of this CR**.<p>Are you getting what you need in terms of reassurances from H? Is he disclosing the phone calls to you?<p>I'm thinking that must be the case.<p>Otherwise I am sure you would be following through on your words. It becomes very dangerous to outline boundries such as restaining orders for phone calls and then not follow through on them. <p>And you've also been adament about OW being out of YOUR life. Calling YOUR home is not OUT. So is H taking proactive steps to make you know that he is not accepting her calls and reinforcing NO CONTACT?