I've been plan Aing for 5 mos now and a few days ago I heard the words that I have been dreaming about. The 'in love' words.<p>Quick review since I don't post much: My wife had an online EA with a business associate late last year. She stopped the EA but still chats with him online and talks to him from work. He is a supplier to her company and that can not be avoided. I understand and accept the business part, but still have 'issues' with the chatting stuff even though my W has offered to let me read the chats occasionally. My W knows what she did was wrong, but does not see it as all that bad and SWEARS she was never interested in him. She was just enjoying the attention he was showing her because I had become an unattentive drunk. She is right about that one [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Here's my problem. She has made great efforts to get closer to me in last 2 - 3 weeks. But at times I pull away [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] . I think I'm still fearful of being hurt again, fearful of her rejection again, and probably not handling the fact that she still chats with this guy a couple times each week (I know thier chats are completely friendly, not like before).<p>I told my W at the end of Jan. that I cannot ask her to end a friendship. I have no control over her actions. But I have control over my actions and I was choosing to move out so that I would not be put in a situation that showed such great disrespect to me and our marriage. She immediately called the OM and told him that they would never 'be together' and if he chose to try and take their friendship to that level again, she would end the friendship altogether. So, with that I stopped my Plan B move and continued living at home and Plan Aing.<p>Sometimes I think that my anger and pulling away is a result to the male pride thing. The 'nobody hurts me like that and gets away with it' thing. Other times I feel that I am justified in pulling away because of the changes I've made in my life and me (Plan A) and the lack of effort my W has made from Oct.'01 to Mar.'02. Plus I have some very interesting and attractive women telling me how attractive I am and would be a 'good catch'. Hmmmm....as I type this, Am I ripe for my own EA?<p>Help!!! I want my W and my M!<p>Gib<p>[ March 27, 2002: Message edited by: Gibby1 ]<p>[ March 27, 2002: Message edited by: Gibby1 ]</p>

Wow! It sounds to me like your wife is saying and doing all the right things by you now that you are sober! Congratulations, by the way...<p>I guess when you feel resentment trying to creep up on you, just try to remember all the neglectful behavior that she dealt with before you got some help for your addiction problem. Perhaps that will even the score a little bit.<p>I know she didn't have to go out and seek attention from another man, but even Dr.Harley states that the lovebank concept won't work on people who are substance abusers. I say cut your wife a little slack.<p>Have you read Dr.Harley's Q&A on overcoming resentment? Maybe it will help you deal with your irrational fears of another affair. Good luck tho, it sounds like you two are well on your road to recovery to me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Overcoming Resentment

Thanks BtDt- <p>I'll check out that Resentment Q & A this weekend!<p>Any others? Am I overreacting when I feel myself pulling away?<p>Rick<p>[ March 28, 2002: Message edited by: Gibby1 ]</p>