This week I decided to expose the elephant to the light of day. My particular unwanted zoo inhabitant is the fact that WH needs to decide between me and OW. I am grateful in some ways that he is taking his time - I will trust any eventual decision better this way, and I have been given space to grow up, and to be honest, he doesn't exhibit some of the bizarre behaviors I hear about here that I couldn't tolerate - almost a "model WH!"<p>But lately I was afraid Mr. Model WH was turning into ... ta da.. CAKEMAN!!! So I tentatively brought up some test issues that would expose portions of the elephant. And he whipped that cover off of the elephant so fast my brain is whirling and I am catching my breath. He has been inspecting that elephant when I wasn't looking.<p>It's clear from what he said that he is not ready to decide. I am okay with that, I have some work on myself to do that would help the marriage if that is out of the way before recovery. Also, I really think that he doesn't want to say he will give her up unless he is sure he can, and I really would find relapses hard, so I think this is good.<p>He has been considering the consequences and looking at the total package, and I don't care if he just comes back for the kids, once she is totally out of his life and he is out of withdrawal, he won't recognize my account in his love bank, the balance will go so high!<p>I would say that my chances have gone up from say 5% to maybe 40%, and 40% may not be great, but it's a heck of a lot better than 5%. But now I need renewed support from y'all cause I need to not hope too much or I'll start to EXPECT, that bad word. And boy, I think a fine-tuned plan A would maybe tilt things even more my way, but I might have to vent here.<p>Unbelievably, I did the worst LB last night in my whole plan A! Help me stay strong!
