since d-day my dear wh has had some really bad karma-dont click off this topic yet, im not a radical on karma and cosmic things, but this is weird.<p>right after d-day i responded to a post about reveng on ws. i said i could never come up with as good a plan as was happening to him. he went flying-and i mean flying down a flight of steps to a concrete floor. about 20 steps. he managed to hit himself with a 2x4-i swear to god-and almost took his eye out. had a black eye for a week.(his ow must have thought i beat the crap out of him!!!!!good, a healthy dose of fear is a good thing!) since his health is not good-before he might have been sick 4 times in ten years. hes had intestinal problems, the flu, sinus, stomache-you name it. he has also gained weight back that he lost for her and is losing his hair. now he tells me his front tooth is loose and he thinks he might lose it.(I know-you are all wondering why in gods name do i want him back??? im wondering that too [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>now for the question- has anyone else noticed this with their ws's. im wondering if its because he is holding so much back and in. i know that has to be part of this, but its getting out of hand. im starting to truelly worry about him. he has been to doc for blood work for his cholesterol-its fine-oh yeah i forgot he cant move his neck either. hasnt been able to for weeks. <p>im starting to wonder if the universe is giving him a big old cosmic kick in the a$$!! any thoughts?

Despite how nonchalant a WS can seem about things going on all this crud causes stress. Stress is pretty darn powerful. My WW has had chronic neck problems and things since all this started. I think a lot of this comes from her holding a lot of tension in her shoulders.. Lucky for her I give good massages.
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Yep ....<p>Here's a list of what ailments my H experienced when active in his A:<p>

• He (47 years old) cracked his ribs trying to roller blade off a wood ramp with his OCs - boys (7 & 8 years old). Later I found out OW was there so I'm sure he was trying to show off.
• He had constant sinus problems. Never in the 20 years I've been with him did he have sinus problems.
• He had mouth sores and inner nose sores. He had no idea what they were ... it totally grossed me out because I had my suspicions. Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!
• His back was so bad he couldn't get out of bed in the morning. Another ailment I had my suspicions on it's cause. Hmmmph!
• He had constant plumbing problems ..... use your imagination. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

<p>Sorry for TMI on that last one.<p>Basically he was a mess. <p>Jo

thanks for the replies-by the way hangin-when i started abbreviating your name to hangin i never knew [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] (yes i read the other thread!)<p>ok, any ideas if i should bring this up to him and how? im getting a little tired of the poor me husband i got. i want the in shape, fun lovin guy she got!

My H, who could not be dragged to a doctor previously, is now seeing doctors in three different specialties: Orthopedics, gastroenterology, and ENT. And he's seeing them voluntarily!!! AND he's submitting to their invasive tests and exams!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Without complaint!!!!<p>And how about this one: I recently learned that my ex-H has a debilitating terminal disease.

Hey,<p>My H too looks like crap. He is usually very good looking, a fitness freak. His hair is longer and scraggly, he has gained weight-which is unheard of before, his face has a weird color to it--unhealthy looking.<p>He has been sick more times over the last few months....colds, sinus infections, flu. Definitely must miss our home environment.<p>Oh well...he is "happier than he has been in 25 years"--go figure.

now another question- do i say something to him-since he is an avoider of anything to do with affair-and if i say something what and how do i go about it. will this be love busting? i am worried about him-but i think this may really do some damage.

Hey nikko,
Hey no makin me blush here [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Re: Proper care and feeding of Hubby.
I dont think it is a good idea to say something like "hey look what is happening because of what you did."
Rather if you want a healthy happy H, perhaps you can kindly suggest things, or maybe join him in things that might be relieve some stress or help with health for you both? Maybe get a couples massage? Those are fun. Or maybe start going to the gym together to blow off some steam? Or just a nice nature walk together.. that is a good way to relax and get fit. Actually Readers digest said that SF twice a week can reduce the chance of heart attack or stroke by as much as 50%.. or something to that effect. (They said its more the exercise but this is more fun) <p>Just some thoughts!<p>-HI

Nikko,
First of all, the tooth, get him to a dentist. I know I'd want my H to have as many teeth as he should. I'm no expert, but there is likely some treatment, a mouthguard, antibiotics?<p>Hangingin has good suggestions.<p>I'd suspect your H is suffering from mild depression. Any kind of exercise, in sunlight is better, will boost natural serotonin.<p>The weight gain--my H & I have started watching cooking shows on TV, like Emeril, Iron Chef, going to the web site, getting the interesting recipes and preparing them. A little healthier eating, and an activity together.

My XH has lost his job, whether it's directly related to the turmoil in his personal life or not, I'm not sure.<p>OW has a cat, which he's somewhat alergic to, so he's always got a stuffy nose, sneezing, coughing, etc.<p>He had some weird pains and symptoms last Sept. right before and when he came home to "reconcile". He was afraid his cancer was returning. I believe this is one reason he came home - so I could take care of him if his cancer was returning. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He has gained weight, and his face looks terrible every time I've seen him - breakouts, looking tired, etc.<p>He's generally sick more often because I used to pump him full of vitamins.<p>Nothing really disastrous or "cosmic" really though....

thanks for all the replies-i have tried the exercise thing0he's too tired-worked out all the time when he was courting her-also had enough energy to carry on 2 lives. i have the cooking thing under control-i also like watching those shows-however emeril isnt exactly low cal with the lard and pork fat, but thanks.<p>as far as hangin's suggestion of couples massage-this is part of what i do for a living. he gets regular massages and treatment via ME. i also have standing appts for myself with one of my girls. he is very lucky- i can imagine the shape he would be in if i didnt massage him regularly.<p>i also like the sf idea-i wish he was a little more enthusiastic on that one. too tired, neck hurts, etc....i dont really believe all these excuses, i think he thinks im stupid.