We went to marriage counselling tonight - he cried his brains out. He keeps asking me what are chances are of saving the marriage (I lied and said 80% saving - personally I think it's more 80% ending).<p>he cried tonight when I said he doesn't even know his daughter and he has agreed to everything on my list.<p>The counsellor recommended he start pushing her out of the job and he admitted he has been in touch with his HR dept today to try to get things moving along.<p>there are no e-mails tonight from her. Yes, she could be in denial, yes he is probably lying.<p>I'm keeping my distance. I am not going to let him hurt me anymore. I'll watch and wait. I'm sure something will turn up. Next week, I'm having the phone taped.<p>If he wants to save it - he's going to have to work for it.<p>I don't have a really bad feeling about all of it though, I do feel the slightest bit he may be telling the truth but again I will air on caution.<p>the funny thing is he's deleting her e-mails recently but he has kept over 80 in a folder. why delete them now. It can't be because he thinks I know about the account or he would delete the other 80 much more detailed e-mails? Is it he doesn't care? or what?<p>What do all of you think? He is so messed up right now he can't even look at me.

There's probably a more truthful and complete way to answer his question. If 20% is how you really feel, then that's probably what you should have told him, but it is probably also true that you feel that way now because of the way things are right now. Maybe if things were as they should be, with no contact and all the extraordinary precautions and a plan of recovery you are both agreeable to and committed to, then the 80% would be true. Is that right?<p>Definitely keep your emotional guard up, but you can still do marriage-building actions when you don't "feel" like it. The feelings will probably follow when it is safe to have them.