I'm just wondering, curious.<p>How many of us have stopped to take a look at ourselves? Do you look for reasons why your spouse is feeling or has done the things they are doing? Do you try to look at the situation from their side?<p>Believe it or not, YOU did play a part in the break down of your marriage. Either in a big way or small way, BUT, you did play a part.<p>We can blame them as much and as long as we want to. However, when you have done that, has anything changed?<p>Blaming solves absolutely nothing. It is not a solution to your problem, it's not going to do a darn thing for you.<p>Part of the solution is to make some changes to yourself. Everyone can always make room for positive changes in themselves. The benefits of positive change will do far more than blame.<p>How do YOU feel about this, honestly.

Mirror, mirror on the wall...I am my MOTHER after all. That is what my therapist said to me once.<p>My mother drives me nuts. After examining myself, I realize that I have a lot of her same qualities plus others...<p>I am trying to really think and be aware....

I agree wholeheartedly!!!<p>Blame only leads to defensiveness and hurt...<p>Give up your need to be right and work on YOUR half of the relationship. <p>That's all you can do.<p>Cali

There's a big difference between "blame" and "accountability." I do not blame myself for marrying my FWH, I do hold myself accountable for not heeding the red flags. I do not blame myself for my pain and anger, but I do hold myself accountable for dealing with them, and my FOO issues, and my personality quirks, in a healthy and responsible way.<p>I no longer blame my FWH for his part in the A. I do hold him accountable for keeping his word now and for putting his full self into our relationship. As I hold myself accountable in the same way.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Susan:
<strong>Mirror, mirror on the wall...I am my MOTHER after all.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>LOL...That would be my worst nightmare!

Yes, I had to take a good long look inside and ask why am I so angry (hurt). I had to wonder why I was so angry and blaming it on my H all the time. I think the core of the problem was due to my own unreasonable fears. I was driving him away from me when I really just needed a hug most of the time. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I finally realized I was mad at God. Being mad at God prevented me from having any good relationships with anyone! Including myself! At least that is how I resolved this hurdle in my M. I had to quit trying to force my H to "accept me the way I am" and be willing to admit my flaws and change! How did I change? Well, for starters I apologized to God because after all, God made my H the way HE is... Next thing, be grateful and count my blessings. It's amazing how one minor attitude adjustment can change the whole picture!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall<p>Where were you when he started to 'fall'?<p>Did you close your eyes to pain?<p>Did you play the guessing game?<p>When he cried where was your heart?<p>What makes you think you're 'oh-so-smart'?<p>Mirror Mirror on the wall.....<p>I see a woman who might also fall<p>With love to Mr. Pepper ..... my beautiful darling WS who loves me beyond the mirror.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</p>