Those are very common phrases from confused wayward spouses. Often they are confused and overwhelmed by the A or the emotions it stirred up. They try to make sense of everything by comparing the emotions of the affair to a marriage. <p>The Affair based in fantasy: where each only sees the other at the best times. Where each can run away from the problems of everyday stresses and chores, where each are always dressed up for each other or acting on best behavior.
THUS yes the emotions or the infatuation felt at that stage IS pretty strong, and is often mistaken for real love. Compared to a marriage where one has to work things out, take kids to school, cook dinner, clean, and share responsibility, the A wins out often in the mind of a WS who is looking to enforce a "romantic" dream life they think the OP represents.<p>With all this going on in their mind often we see WS' here saying they need time alone. or Time to think.. the I love you but I am not In love with you is as i describe above because of a deluded view of love. The I cant be happy anywhere is perhaps because he sees part of the truth in the following choices.
1) he stays in what he feels a relationship without real love and he looses his chance to be happy. Often we hear.. I will never be happy again or why cant i be happy for once.
Truth: He WILL go through a withdrawl period and it IS painful both getting over OW and fixng the marriage. But you CAN BOTh be happy and you CAN BOTH recover.<p>2) He leaves his family and goes with OW. He may feel he will be happy with his "true love" but know he will feel guilt.
Truth: I believe the stats are 95% or higher of relationships started of affairs fail. A lot of them crash pretty hard. Neither the WS or the Op can ever truely trust the other. How can they? Once they face the reality of life togther they loose the glow. Unfortunatly some OP or WS never learn and continue on to have a serioes of bad failed relationships. Yes he will feel guilt especially when the full reality of how this hits and he sees how it all impacts him, you your kids if you have any, your families, and so on.<p>3) He leaves everything to seek time alone: he feels it might give him some clarity perhaps w/o seeing anyone.
Truth: Perhaps. Most likely not. The reason for an A is needs not being met that the WS thinks are important. Spending time alone never is alone. Often the WS seeks out the OP during this time. <p>Hope this helps. I am not an expert by far but this is what my experiance tells me as well as what I have read in the time here and researched myself.<p>Good luck stay strong the path to recovery hard to find sometimes. it is vey tough but you can do it. Take care of yourself and your children if you have any.<p>
*Hugs*
-HI<p>Work with him and the MB concepts. they can help you understand whats going on give you a better way to take care of yourself and possibly help your husband put his feet back on plant earth.<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>
