Hello, <p>This is my first post here. I'm hoping I can find some encouragement and some way to win back my wifes affection.
My wife and I recently decided to Divorce. I was very depressed about it. It's definately not something I really want to do.
Our long story short runs like this. About 6 months ago my wife changed careers. Now she works in an office with regular hours instead of the odd hours she was working in retail. My wife is in her middle twenties, and I'm in my early thirties.
When we first dated we went out to the clubs and did alot of things together. Over time I didn't want to do that. Her work schedule in retail "helped" me out, because she usually was to tired to go out. When she did go out it was with friends. I figured we both got what we wanted. Her the chance to party, me some alone time.
Well when she changed jobs. She had her nights free. When the friend she used to go out with moved out of town, she began to hang out with her co-workers. Slowly over time she started to hangout with one particular co-worker.
I guess the reason my alarm bells didn't go off right away is because I like the guy. He was helping the both of us with some family problems. (not between my wife and me, but something with her family)
Around December I made what I can only describe as my fatal mistake. I started to spend a lot of time with her sister. While I won't go into details. I will say that I considered my relationship with her sister as only a friendship. I never had sex with her in anyway.
My wife's sister has a lot of problems. and for some reason as yet unkown to me she began to lie about me. She claims I made unwanted advances on her. I know the rule about listening to the victim, that there must be some truth to the matter. But I do assure you that there is not. My wifes sister is a notorius liar, and my wife does know that.
But needless to say this drove my wife even more towards her co-worker.
I have come to realize exactly how much I love my wife, and how important our relationship is. She has told me herself that she does still love me, she is just not In Love with me. She doesn't feel that we can regain the intimacy in our relationship. She cannot get the image of me and her sister out of her mind. My wife has strong feelings for her co-worker. She feels that she needs to resolve her feelings for him to decide how she feels about me.<p>So today we begin our separation. I am heartbroken. I know that I have everything to do with this. I want to work it out. All I want is the chance to prove to her that I was a stupid fool, and that I have learned from my mistake.<p>I know I said that I would make this a short story. I did go a little long. I guess I needed to get this off my chest. My wife has her "boyfriend" to talk to. The only friend I have is getting a divorce himself. So his advice is not what I want to hear. <p>Well I will end this now. I await your feedback.

HAve you read the articles on the homepage here on infidelity? That would be a good start...esp the ones on how affairs start/end.<p>Honestly though, I don't get the feeling you have much time or room for error. If I were you, I would proceed straight to calling for a phone counseling appt.<p>Good luck. Keep posting...weekends are slow, esp. around holidays...don't take it personally!

feelinglost, <p>i'm sorry, as i was out of sorts last night, and could not read or even respond to your post... too much pain here right now to give any good advice... But yes, kathi is right... it is very slow here on the weekends... i have never, never, never ( i do not think [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ) posted on the weekends, but here i am this weekend, if you want someone to talk to... although, i have to admit i am a nutjober right now [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... you probably should wait for the others, seeeeeeeeerrrrrrriously. <p>you see, i am new too, and i am close to moving on and out of my marriage, but i do not have the courage or the means to do so yet.... and although last night i was ready to quit my marriage, quit my job, etc.... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] i am now ready to wait and do things methodically...<p>yes, it sounds *but then again i need some meds, LOL*** like you've both made some mistakes... don't worry, and please talk about it, as many of us on the boards have suffered from the EA thing, some PA things, and combinations you would never think of ordering on the most attractive of combination plates..... <p>your first steps to recovery are great, though... we are here, although sparse on a holiday weekend... do not give up.

ps, i feel guilty for the meltdown of last night, because i could not get out of myself and my own problems enough to look that you really needed some response... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] please let us know, over the weekend if you are here.

kam6318 thank you for posting. I was begining to think that no one would. Thanks for letting me know that the weekends are slow here. I am reading the info on infidelity. I went to my local bookstore looking for Dr. Harleys books, but the didn't have them. I had to order online. They should be here on Monday. My wife has said that she doesn't want counseling. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I think we both need it. But we'll see. I'm willing to play it slow right now.<p>jamie 210-thank you too for your posts. I'm sorry to here about the pain you are in. I'm sorry that you feel your marriage is over. If I can offer any support let me know. I'm not exactly nuts right now [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] , but I'm affraid that I might get that way over time. One question though. You mention EA and PA. I'm guessing the A is for affair. But the E and P? I've read through the many posts here and see lot's of this "code talk" is there a board that lists these? A dictionary so to speak? <p>Thanks again. I'm off to start day one away from home. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Welcome FeelingLost...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Do NOT separate!
Do NOT leave your W!
Do NOT separate!
Do NOT leave your W!
Do NOT separate!
Do NOT leave your W!
Do NOT separate!
Do NOT leave your W!
Do NOT separate!
Do NOT leave your W!
Do NOT separate!
Do NOT leave your W!
and if you missed it...
Do NOT separate!
Do NOT leave your W!<p>My wife (3 years ago... on Easter Sunday night no less) asked for a separation... and it was the beginning of the end!<p>Do all you can do to first save your marriage...
...before entertaining any thoughts of separation or divorce!<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>and oh yes...
...the 'code words' (acronyms) can be found at...
Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

feeling lost, as you can see, jim has much better advice than me. Thanks jim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <p>as far as i can tell though, you've moved out and are on your own today... so would advice be to go back now, jim? <p>CAUTIONARY: PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANY ADVICE FROM ME, IMPLIED OR OTHER [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] like i said, i am not going to give any advice, but can offer names of asylumns that do the pick-ups, or good meds you can try LOL! sorry, you gotta laugh or else i will go as crazy as i seem...<p>please do go over the information jim and kathi talk about, as these boards are based around those concepts of building marriages... i would be willing to try anything to save my marriage for my h, my kids, my house, the whole package deal; unfortunately, i found out, very recently, my h is not - so i am now in plan b mode and am probably transfereing over to the divorcing/divorced for peoople such as i...<p>just a quick note though, this i can tell you,
yes, the A is for affair (ea is emotional affair and pa is physical affair).<p>good luck with you; do everything you can to save your marriage - as it seems you are sooooo willing to try... these people here are gold, and can help... good luck and God bless.<p>[ March 30, 2002: Message edited by: jamie 210 ]</p>

What your W needs is a strong husband!<p>She is too weak to do anything herself!<p>Take the initiative...<p>Tell her you know what must be done...<p>Go back to the house today...
...and say...<p>"Even if you... my bride... don't see it as the right thing to do... my love... my Lord... my conscience... knows what is right....<p>...and to give every effort to save this marriage...
...is what I must do...<p>...join me now or not... I will give what I can to do what is the only right course of action.<p>I love you... and will show you the honest... and true love of a committed husband."<p>BUT....<p>Be prepared for rejection!
Rejection by the WS is all too common!<p>
Pray.. for strength... and fortitude!<p>I'll pray for you.<p>(PS thanks Jamie)<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR (an Easter D-day BS!)

yes, i agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Thanks jim!!!! i would want my h to fight for me and the marriage... (can you come and talk to my h, jim?????????????) <p>uhhhh oooh though, i have to throw one piece of advice that you can take or leave it coming from a lune like me... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>read and understand the info before you talk to your wife.... would not want you to go over and love bust her; you will read about that too...

Jamie's right...<p>Learn about Love Busting first...
...avoid it at all costs!<p>Read... Love Busters!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Thanks Jamie and Jim for your support.
I do want my wife back I do want to prove to her that I want to make amends for my mistakes. Tomorow I should get my copy of His Needs Her Needs. I've read a lot of the info on the net, but my eyes can't take the strain of reading a lot of info on the computer screen anymore. I'm ordering Surviving an Affair right now. I want to have as much info as I can so that I don't make any mistakes (love busters).
After I have armed myself with the info I will talk to her. The good this is that we are on very good speaking terms. We are each others best friends, and I guess we fall back into the "old routine" easily. The difference is that now I really am listening to what she has to say.
I've found a lot of insight from this website. Truth is if I hadn't stumbled across this website I probably would have given up hope completely. Now I see that there is a chance. Even if it is remote.
Thanks again for your support. Jamie I'm sending you a big hug, and I have my fingers crossed that your H will come to his senses. Jim I'm not a big believer in God, but something helped me find this website. I thank you for your prayers.

I'm posting today, because I went home today. I'm here right now. I wanted to tell my W Happy Easter, and to tell her how much I love her, and how much I want us to be together. <p>When I got here her car is here, but she isn't. It doesn't look like she spent the night here. I can't describe the pain I am feeling right now. I keep picturing her in OM arms or worse!! I've been reading alot on this Site and here in the Forums. I'm gaining strength from all of this, but I still feel so lost.<p>It's like a part of me is missing, a part that I can't live without. I'm about to start doing some work around the house. To keep my mind off of this, and in truth to see when/if she comes home. <p>Why does this have to hurt so much? Why was I such a fool that I let her EN's get filled by OM? Her "friend"? <p>I'm sorry for venting. I just don't know what to do right now. If I do "bump" into her I'll make sure not to do any LB.