Hello. Its been about three months since I last wrote. My W and I have been separated since Jan 12 due to an A on her behalf, after a half-hearted attempt at a Plan A (I was just too hurt and confused at the time to do it right). Since that time we have both dated and the A has ended (at least as far as I can tell, three weeks ago). This week, my W and I started talking again in a civilized manner. During these discussions, we quickly realized that we both miss each other and still love one another. Since the A ended just a few weeks ago (its been going on since last summer), my plan is this: Give it another month or two and just see where things go. Continue to do what I am doing until I see a clear indication that things have changed. I also need to find within myself the justification to forgiveness. Will my life be better with her? <p>To add another level to this complex issue, my W has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Its rather untreatable with medication, only through years of therapy and tons of self-regulation can one learn to manage it. I believe (as others) that this is one of the main contributors to the A. Other factors, my depression (past two years, now under treatment) and a dull and uneventful marriage. The marriage most likely suffered from the combination of our joint emotional problems. Both of us are in therapy and antidepressants. [ok, quick blurb about antidepressants. I always felt that they were for the weak and only used as a crutch. But my life as totally reawaken through their powers, anyone going through such a ordeal or trauma should honestly seek out their beneficial effects].<p>OK, back to the problem at hand. There are many issues and factors I know we will have to deal with for any kind of reconciliation. The two main ones are my complete lack of trust and regulating my anger. During the past few months, my anger about having to go through this time has diminished greatly. But I notice at time, when I'm talking to my W, I will say snide comments about the A in a wonderfully brilliant passive aggressive manner. I know this anger must be managed, a topic I'm starting to deal with.<p>So, I'm looking for suggestions to my current plan? Also suggestion on how to start the long trek to mending this broken marriage. I'm going to suggest to my W that we both read "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Surviving an Affair" (have copies of both). I'm also questioning my motives. Do I just want her back because I miss the life I though we would lead?<p>
Thanks
