This may be counterproductive, but I was wondering what your WS seem to like in the OP? Where they younger, thinner, better looking, smarter? What was it that attracted them to the OP? In my case she was 10 years younger, thinner by two sizes and very beautiful. It has made me feel old and unattractive. I guess I just wanted to know if my H fell in the norm?

I think you'll get a wide range of replies, but I think there's probably 2 categories...<p>1. The "physical" stuff, like you describe
2. The "emotional" stuff, like the person pays them more attention, shows more affection, converstation is better, etc.<p>IN GENERAL, WH's probably are attracted by "physical stuff", of which SF is included, mainly because IN GENERAL, these are among most men's top EN's. WW's OTOH are probably generally attracted to "emotional stuff", given that these things are generally women's top EN's.<p>I know this is true of my WW. I've seen OM, and he isn't ultra-attractive or anything. In fact, WW continues to admit how good-looking I am. But the emotional connection affects one's perception of "attractiveness", making "anything possible", so to speak.

I agree with JR.<p>In the case for females, the OM can be very unattractive, but be gorgeous to the WW because her EN's are being met and the "looks" are often overlooked. <p>In some cases, looks are the reason, but not all the time.<p>Like JR said, if needs are ebing met, anythings possible.

Well in my case,the crotch cricket was 2 yrs older then me,and about 65 lbs heaver. I was 48 at the time and 5'3 and weighed 115 lbs. She was 52 and 5'& weighed about 180.Looks have almost nothing to do with it. She $wallowed and that was the attraction however it went on for 15 months.
Almost killed me.

Well in my case the OW was 10 years older, no curves, actually ugly face (looks like a drug addict that hasn't had a fix in weeks), not intelligent, (cannot tie her own shoes), and the queen of LB.<p>My H says he was just crazy and stupid, but I am so sick of hearing it! How can anybody be THAT stupid???
Anybody knows?

husband told me flat out her body!

Speaking as a WW, at the time it was definately my EN! Long story short, H and I had been seperated due to military orders/transfer/kids school schedule. xOM was paying me attention that I hadn't gotten in a very long time! Of course, we have fixed that, and have made it through our current seperation just fine with just a short time till we are together again!<p>Speaking as a BW, most of them were looks, but not age, and the SF was being met for him. We've also worked on that(for my own aversion). I knew 2 of the xOW, and with my poor self image, could easily say they were prettier than me, and definately better "endowed".

She's 7 years older than I am, looks worn out (like a 2-pack a day smoker, although I don't know whether she smokes) tall and large and has big hips. They met on line, and I think she seemed more supportive of him, gave him advice about how to handle the kids (she owned a failed daycare, had been divorced twice, has tax liens-- a great source of life advice, don't you think?).<p>I think it started out as a friendship and progressed at her instigation. My husband says that he thought I didn't care about him. I think that's a self-serving crock.<p>[ March 30, 2002: Message edited by: Charynne ]</p>

The OM was not more attractive physically. He was actually heavier, balding, and has a space between his teeth (I guess it works for David Letterman)...but he was a good conversationalist, caring and giving, very sensitive and warm...well, atleast until the rollercoaster started getting to him. As physically attracted as I am to my husband...he has never turned me on like the OM did...so the physical aspect for me had nothing to do with it.

OM for my WW is CFO of the $350M/year corporation I work for. He is my boss and therefore I know him very well. He is good conversationist, outgoing, and used to being the center of attention. He's also an alchoholic, workaholic, womanizer, lier, cheater, and conceded. He has had multiple A's and perfecting his technique with each one. Usually he goes for women without kids and it's usually a short term fling before he goes on to the next victim. She is so far in the fog that she can't see the real person who is leading her down the path of destruction. My wife is very special and I believe that is why he hasn't let her go yet. <p>My mistake is not showing her all along I thought she was special. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

For me it was the fact that he was an old BF. One who I had always wondered about. But never dreamed of having an A with him. It was easy for the embers to be stirred and before long there was a fire. I was like being transported back to being 18 again. <p>He was also attractive and an attorney also. So he had definitely aged well. I know, I know, no excuse. But that is my honest answer. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
1step

I rarely answer these types of posts, because it's been such a long time since I was the OW... plus it always hurt my spirit to even think about it... but no longer... so, here is what drew me to the OP:

• He thought like I did - laughed at the same things<p>I didn't have to explain or dumb-down what I was saying<p>He was the polar opposite of my (then)H - Hair down to his a$$, Hispanic, vacation mentality... unlike my workaholic clean-cut fanatical Christian H (ignore that he was a hypocrite about his religion, which didn't help)

<p>That's it. My (then)H had good attributes too, but they were lost on me by that time.

I've never seen the OW, but from the way H describes her, I know of these differences:<p>She is older, thinner, of a different ethnic group, and less intelligent than I am.<p>H in response to why he was attracted: "She liked me."<p>H explaining why he chose me instead: "She wasn't very intelligent and couldn't keep up with my sense of humor." "You've always been the best I've ever had [sexually] and still are."<p>I wonder if he ever thinks about how much *I* would have liked him if he had ever treated me even half as nice as he treated her. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] What a waste of a M. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

This is what my H told me during his affair with my former best friend:<p>-she was a good listener
-he had already heard all of my 'stories,' hers were all new
-she didn't judge him
-they were both valedictorians! (My favorite)
-she dressed better than me
-she had a more professional career than me
-she was 'content' with her life (that's why she slept with him 6 mos after her wedding to his best friend!)
-she played up her physical assets better than I did<p>
I don't know for sure what he was really feeling, but that is what he told me

I guess there were two reasons that I can hear from WS<p>---she showed him affection
---she made him feel young (OW 27, WS 56)<p>The fact keeps coming up too that there is no pressure. She accepts him for who he is. (I wonder how long that will last LOL---of course, they don't live together. They are still in fantasyland).

Ok I might as well do this. I'll start by saying I haven't a clue what he saw in her other than she pumped his ego and made him feel special. It's easy to overlook someone's flaws when you aren't living with them,<p>OW is older than me by 7 years - 9 years older than my H
OW is short and dumpy - I am tall and thin
OW is a bottle blonde (yellow not a pretty blonde)short hair - I am a bottle auburn, long hair
OW is quiet and shy - I am outgoing and friendly<p>We are as opposite as you can get and yet obviously he liked the ego boosts she provided. The very idea of him with her is beyond my wildest dreams.<p>I remember that summer, during their EA, when I had no idea it was going on and I stopped in to see my H. OW was wearing a mini skirt and a sleeveless sweater and that night I said to my H "D is trying to dress like a teenager. I bet if she knew how bad those flabby arms peeking out of that sweater and those chubby legs barely covered by that skirt, she'd change fast." H agreed with me, imagine that.

I'll play.<p>H says OW offered him a lifestyle of business, money and travel. Thought they had the same likes (then found out otherwise). He even said (while in the fog) that under better circumstances he probably would have dated her. Now he says no. <p>As for her physical atributes: OW is 6 years older than H, weighs more than H did at the time (OW about 145 to H's 137). Both weighed more than little ol me. Even though OW is 6" taller than me, he says OW is flat in the chest and I am not that well endowed either. LOL!!! OW's looks are not as nice as mine. He even said the s3x wasnt that great but their talk was very s3xual and I know she enjoyed it because that was their prime objective to hook up.<p>Of course, OW thinks she is worldly wise. So wise that she could not tell when she was prego 3 times. Ws kept saying that this Berkely biology grad was too ignorant about her body to know when she was prego. Right..... anyone buying that line? <p>All in all, he says she really didn't have much to offer. Her overbearing personality makes her difficult to live with. Well he got that one right. How do I know? Her H left her for the same reason. DUH!!!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
L.<p>[ March 30, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

According to x-H:<p>~ OW was innocent and virtuous
~ OW had his son (OC)
~ OW is a SEX machine
~ OW admired him, laughed at his jokes

When I first started talking to ow, I thought she
was so sweet,smart,very attractive,we had so much in common,she was such a good parent, we were convinced we were meant to be together.
She listened to me and cared about me.<p> After 2 years or so, the jealously came out,
the insecurity, the *****ing and moaning about
how I didn't call her enough, etc,. She was constantly having to borrow money from her family
and husbands family. She didn't like it because
my kids came first. She can't balance a checkbook, she's lazy too.

The things that are really important to me now that I came out of the fog, she doesn't have .

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OnlyHuman:
When I first started talking to ow, I thought she
was so sweet,smart,very attractive,we had so much in common,she was such a good parent, we were convinced we were meant to be together.
She listened to me and cared about me.<p> After 2 years or so, the jealously came out,
the insecurity, the *****ing and moaning about
how I didn't call her enough, etc,. She was constantly having to borrow money from her family
and husbands family. She didn't like it because
my kids came first. She can't balance a checkbook, she's lazy too.

The things that are really important to me now that I came out of the fog, she doesn't have .<hr></blockquote><p>
Ohhhhh HoooooooRAY!!!!!! <p>Thank you Only Human .... but two years? Why did it take soooooooo long to see her for her true self?