Well going 3 months since D-Day and W is still insisting on D and asks me on a daily basis if I will sign D papers that she has prepared. She has told me that she does not consider herself M anymore, and has her next husband picked out. She says that my adultery has given her the freedom that she wanted. She has also accused me committing adultery since D-Day which is a flat out judgement, she is quick to accuse me of judging as well. She refused to talk to me about anything except D, says that she has tried to reconcile with me for years and does not wish to try any more, I feel that I must let her go if she does not want to be M, no matter how much I Love her, I cant make her love me, and the way it seems it that she never loved me at all, I am really sad this weekend, last year at Easter we took a family picture, and she left one of pictures behind, and cut me and my son out of the picture, that hurts, please pray for me, and W, but I think I will grant her wishes and proceed with signing the D papers.

I am feeling hopeless today!

Hmm... do you really want to sign the divorce papers?? Really?? Doesn't really sound convincing to me... if you don't want to, then why do so??<p>At this stage, IMO, it sounds like your W is a bit "unbalanced" in her rage / feelings. That's just my impression. It's a terrible idea to make huge, life-altering decisions when one isn't working with their heads in full gear. So... Do you think you can stall a bit... Time ALWAYS seems to work in favor of the person who's using their head the most... If you back it up with a plan, such as your own form of "Plan A" for example... just a thought...

I am not going to sign papers because I do not want a D, I am going to continue to pray that W will give a chance at reconciliation, she is totally against it right now, even told me that she does not consider us married and she has brought my past with my exW, the very thing that I slipped and did about a month ago to her, and that was a major LB learned lesson from that. Still have not heard from step daughter if she will go with me to father daughter at church on 4/13/02 said she was going to talk to her mom and get back with me, I dont know if it a good sign or not that I have not anything, saw her at church today, but did not get a chance to speak to her, I will give it some time before I try to find out for sure, in the mean time I will try to stall the D and pray for a softened heart for my W. Last year on easter we took family pictures, what a difference a year makes, I will make it through, I know what I did wrong, and will never make those mistakes again, and I do love my wife, very much, still seems like a dream that I did what I did, what an idiot I was. Thanks for everyones support!

W sent several emails reiterating her intent to D, also let me know that she knew that I went to my best friend play in a club a few weeks ago, I am a musician, and had been encouraged to get out, I was not trying to meet any body, but it was good to get out of the house. She also let me know that it is not adultery if she has a male friend that she knew before we were M, and they did not fornicate, that it was ok to talk and spend time with him. She also started bringing up my last marriage and events that led to that D. I understand that I cannot control anything but my own actions, and because she will not even talk to me except for email and on her terms that I should go on with my life, because I think about her constantly and what I did to her, it is just a matter of time for this M, what is left of it and I am missing her more than ever, and at the same time feel that I do not know her anymore.

Dear Needing, <p>Your W needs to be kept at bay. A long ways from both you and your child for now. She is not healthy association if she can cut you and your child out of a pix. Something is mentally wrong with such a parent/wife. <p>So protect yourself. Give her a hard plan B (get help to muster up the courage). It is not as hard as it sounds. Learn from a few dads here. <p>She appears to be trying to force your hand and make you made at her. Catch her on this and tell her you know what she is up to but don't reveal it to her. Let her guess. U said she doesn't communicate much with you anyway so work towards leaving a question in her mind about any kind of communication you may have. She wants to accuse, let her. It will only be her voice being raised in accusation. If there is no validity to those accusations then you have nothing to be afraid of. Just don't let her set you up to take the fall. <p>Why do I say this? The WS in my life, did the same thing to me. As a major conflict avoider he did all he could to make me angry. He did the same to the OW. Go figure. Dumb or what? She played into his hand and for a while so did I. Once I caught onto his rotten scheme, I blew his cover wide open and that techinique of his lost it's punch. Now he has learned not to bluff me because he might have to eat it!<p>Let me know what you think. <p>L.

Thanks for your input Orchid, I am working hard on Plan b I have not emailed her since last friday, and am getting stronger to not communicate on her terms only. I think she is riding by the house to see if any one is over here and she will be very disappointed because I am waiting on her my W who I still love, I realize that there will be a point to where I move on, but I am trying to be patient and not LB any more than I already have, I still love her very much, and hurt for what I done to her and our family.

W left voice mail for me at my office last night about the taxes and asked me to email and let her know if I can do what she is asking, which is to go to tax office sign returns and give them to her tonight at choir rehearsal, or after rehearsal, I my heart is pounding because of the fact that I will actually see up close again, should I just jump and do it or not? I am simply because I feel like I want to do something to let her know that I Love her in spite of everything that has happened since D-Day. I regret what I did every day several times a day and she does not know it because of the lack of communication. Am I setting myself up for another LB? I have not let her know yet what I am going to do, but am considering including a card with a poem like I did last week when I saw her, I still dont know if she read the other one, but I need to take advantage of opportunities that I get when I see her one on one, I still love her a lot and have not totally given up yet!

I noticed in your footer that your wife has been married 3 times. And she says she has #4 picked out. -You can not make her mature. You can encourage her, but she has set a sort of precedent. If she doesn't become a fulfilled, satisfied etc. person, she's likely to put you through this same hurt again. If she has another A on you after reconciliation, what will your reaction be? Will you be ready to throw in the towel then? Just getting her back in your home and your arms will not be enough to ensure your success in a marriage. SHE has some changing she must do.

Every day that goes by I feel a little more comfortable with the fact that if M does not work out I will be ok, not really looking forward to getting to know someone intimately right now, however, I am beginning to have a hard time handling the desires of my flesh, but so far, have been able to be happy with being with myself at night, I will continue to pray for W, every night before I go to bed, that is what gets me through the night. I still love her, but every day that goes by I feel more and more that I dont know her anymore.

Well don't complicate your life by jumping into a purely (no pun intended) physical relationship right now. Give yourself a time limit of say 6 months to a year to work on improving yourself before you begin to seek out someone new. In that amount of time, you should also be able to see if your WW will ever see the light and begin to work on improving herself. Remember, something attracted you to her in the first place. If it was her "naughty" side, you need to deal with what attracts you to that type of person to help avoid the same type of relationship again.

Well, here is my experience - for what it's worth.<p>I am the BS, but since D-day, my WH has been talking about D. He was very much in the fog and very emotional at that time. Fast forward 7 months to today. WH is still at the same place emotinally, and wants a D. <p>However, the difference in those two dates is that I HAVE CHANGED! <p>I am no longer that hurt, emotional, needy person that I was on D-day. I am now moving to a point where I can see my life and my WH's life much more clearly, while WH is still acting pursely on his emotions - and not making very smart decisions to boot!<p>At 3 months after D-day, I was not ready for a D. And I may still not be totally ready for one- even though mine will be final at end of April, however, I am MUCH MORE prepared emotionally for the prospect.<p>So, my 2 cents are these: You may not be ready to sign the divorce papers now - SO DON'T. Give yourself some time to collect yourself emotionally, to put things into perspective, and give your WW a chance to do the same. It sounds like she really needs some time to cool off.<p>Now she, like my WH, may not change emotionally in the next few months or even a year, but I imagine that you will. You will know when you are ready. <p>Remember - you need to do what is right for YOU and not WS, because WS is being SELFISH right now, and is surely not thinking about your best interest. Take care of yourself right now.<p>Also, remember, and it took me a long time to figure this out - WS is in fog - so when you want to tell them you love them or whatever - don't expect anything in return, or you'll get hurt. You have to just take what they can give, enjoy that without any further expectations until they come around.<p>May God Bless You and Your Son. K

Thanks for the input I just want to make clear that I am the WS I had the affair, however since D_Day it has been a battle to communicate with W, I still love her and am mindful of what attracted me to her and will be careful, however I am very lonely and if I could just talk to her and tell whatever she wants to know and decide from there where to go I could accept it if she wanted to go forward with the D, but right now I will be patient and take care of myself and not let anyone get to close (female that is) and spend quality time with my 11 yr old son who I have joint custody of, and keep praying for her, I still love her, at least today right now!

W just will not give M a chance I am including the last emails that she sent to me and maybe one of you BS can tell if she is just angry or should I just give up on M and move on, I still love her but it is getting harder and harder to get to her she says she hates me and was wanting to get out of the M anyway.
#1 i just finished taking your pictures off my desk.
#2USING SOME OF YOUR E-MAILING LANGUAGE?
I&#8217;M SURE YOUR GETTING LOTS OF PRACTICE, TEL ME
WHAT&#8217;S HER NAME??
#3yeah, say that if you want too, but when you go home tonight and
start
typing, come to the realization when you hit send that i&#8217;m not the
one your
e-mailing, just like when we were married............ you will be
conversing
with another woman and enjoying it. and just like then you lying to yourself if you think love has anything to do with it.
#4so you wont be typing on you computer tonight? communicating with a married christian woman? are any woman for that matter?<p>Let me know what you think.

Jump, Jump!

Needing,<p>Your W is angry. Very angry. Let me share something with U. The BS goes from shock to hurt to frustration to anger. Those are all very strong and painful emotions. They live with this all their waking hours and it penetrates even their hours of rest. <p>You are feeling that also. She is making sure you feel her pain. Acknowledge that she is definitely making you aware of her pain but also that you know she is hurting more than you are. <p>She wants you to hurt as much as she does. That maybe a sign that she still loves you but is like a wounded animal and is in the attack mode. See the BS can act bad also. But her reasons are different from yours. Her's is a reaction to your action. <p>So you can make your actions good and in time her actions should come around. But it will take time. Sometimes a long time. <p>Prepare yourself for that and read up. Get counseling and prepare for the long haul. Your W has it better than most of us. Unless you are giving us a 'snow' job, most WS' give the BS a bad time for a long time. Your W has been spared that portion. <p>If she chances to come here we can show her that. It may make her more appreciative. <p>L.

Thank you Orchid for the advice, I am prepared for the long run, and have done a lot of reading including SAA, and several others, I have not told her in a long time that I know how much she hurts, maybe she forgot, or did not believe me, as far as MB is concerned, she blew a gasket, when she found out number one that I had a computer, because she took ours, and number two, when I told her that I posted on MB she said she went to website and that it was a bunch of losers like me, well, it does seem to me that she has visited several times based on the emails that she has sent me because she thinks that I am trying to meet women on this website, instead using for healing and building up our marriage, you have convinced me that this is not over yet, it has just been 90 days and she has not filed yet, even though we live seperately, as always thanks to everyone for the support.

Jump, Jump!

W came by house today and left a box outside of the garage door in the back of the house with a few articles of clothing and pictures of my son, she did not let me know that she was coming over and she has way more of my personal items than what she left in the box, I am totally perplexed as to how she could determine that she would give me what she gave me, I am still grateful because she has not served D papers, as of today anyway. I still love her and am being careful not to LB, and that means little or no communication and that is killing me, but I have been good. She was off from work on Friday and today so I did not send any emails which means when she gets to work tomorrow there will be no emails from me, not sure if that means anything but I am in the process of the detachment from her, I am starting think of what it would be like M to someone else, however when I had the A, I did not want to be with that person forever, that is so wierd, I love my wife, and still am amazed at why I would do what I did when I love my W like I do, how stupid!!!!!!!

No one cares to reply?????