Hi all---
I honestly read more than I post.....I have had a pretty rough day and I know that I brought it on myself. We seem to be very close to getting the divorce....something that I still don't want. My H has been really supportive of me this past week. I had trouble while buying a new car (we thought they cheated me....and they did)...he paid for my windshield cracking after a rock hit it...yes, this was the brand new car...he came over to the house and did some yard work (chain saw stuff...)this was his idea and not mine. We spent a lot of time together at my son's games on Friday. We talked....walked to get food at halftime...it was nice. I miss it.<p>Just a reminder....he lives and works with OW...she bought a house and they live together with her son.<p>Today...we talked about alot of things at my son's next round of games....I trulely believe that he misses this time....talking about soccer and the kids. The problem started when I told him that I was going to the movies with the boys (two teenagers actually going to be seen with Mom??? Amazing!!!). He said "what movie" because "WE were going to the movies too". Instead of letting it roll off my back....I got upset (it hurt)and asked him when the last time that he took all of us to the movies??? I told him he never wanted to do anything....I always asked and he never wanted to do anything. I guess the way he said WE.... just hurt. I know that I probably shouldn't have said anything....but he then got so hurtful and told me that for 20 yrs I was a b*tch and he can't believe that he didn't leave sooner. Said things about how I didn't like to go to certain restaurants (i'm a picky eater...)and he actually got mad at me because he thinks that I went to a Mexican restaurant (I didn't....I dropped off a friend's son there.<p>I know that I have made mistakes in my marriage...I know what they are and I know that they could have been corrected. I wish more than anything he would have tried to make this work before going to the OW.....no OW...he would be home. I know this...there is no doubt. I know that there is no hope for my marriage. He is too far gone. I don't know what I can do anymore. I am going back to school....and I really have been feeling pretty good....and I have been good with him....I have to come to terms with the fact that this is over and he is gone....and I can't do it...I think it is my competitive nature....I do not want to be the loser. The OW won and I wasn't even in the game. <p>I do know that I have the love and respect of my children.....they were with me at the movies and we had fun....he was with them. <p>THis just hurts and someimes I just can't figure out how to move on.<p>[ March 30, 2002: Message edited by: Feeling So Alone ]</p>

Hi, <p>Is there a glimmer of hope? Yes. You said he misses being with the children and was able to spend some good time doing things for your family around the house? Well that's a good sign. Yet he said "we" when talking about him and OW. This is hurtful and you were right to tell him so. I did. Another hopeful sign is his anger at you. Believe it or not. This can be a sign of guilt on his part. Watch his actions. Does he do this whenever he knows he has hurt you? Crazy as it is it is like reverse logic in the fog. <p>ex: You are driving and someone rear ends you while you are stopped at an intersection, then that person jumps out of their car and accuses you of running into them!!! Does it happen? Yes, it did to my dad. This lady was more afraid that her H would find out, that she wanted to blame my dad. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But I don't want U to get your hopes too high. Just be aware of what looks hopeful and what does not. <p>L.

Feeling So Alone,<p>Our situations are so similar. We have had two weekends like that.<p>Then my H calls yesterday and I answered the phone--he was completely ice cold and stated "Can I talk to Kaitie and Kyle." No hello, how are you nothing.<p>When the kids got on the phone, he was all happy and excited. This is just so hard and so ridiculous. But there is nothing I can do either. I know he misses the family--he just wants to replace me. How sad for all of us. Pat

I dunno, my guess is it might do us best if we can keep them confused and on shaky ground. Not to be mean or anything but most OWs want the WS to just forget about their family. The OWs go to great lengths to remove the W from the pix. So often that is why we get treated worse than dirt!<p>Now to combat that I have tried the confusion attack (my son plays pokemon and they have a psyic confusion attack) LOL!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I tried it and for me it eventually worked. Even babbled back and made him wonder..... that moment of wonder was him thinking about his family. I tried to get him to wonder about us a lot. <p>The BS just has to be creative in the fog. <p>JMHO,
L.

Orchid--
Thanks for the post. My H was on such shaky ground in January. I had him guessing...he wanted yto know if I was dating...I was acting so positive...he said that I was in better shape than him. Then he had a breakdown....yeah...I picked up the pieces.....even told him that I thought the fog was lifting...he nodded his head...agreed that he did this too fast....but said it was "good"....told him that I knew that he still loved me...and then the next day...he was back to "abnormal". I haven't seen that depressed guy since. I really felt like I had the upper hand then....I am in a very different place right now. He is happy. He misses his kids...but not the marriage. I do think he misses our conversations......we agreed on so many things....could finish each others sentences.<p>MnM--Our lives are so similar....yrs married...seniors in HS...soccer! BEcause of our children and sports....we will see a lot of our H's....in the fall....when he was trying to win her over...he missed a lot.....it was a relief to me...yet I was mad because he wasn't their for the kids...he was even the coach for my oldest son's team and he would just miss games. <p>I love him....and I am so darn disappointed....that the dreams that we had together are down the drain....he's doing my things that I like to do with her.....I'd would like to slap him...I guess that's not allowed....huh?<p>It has been almost 9 months....am I supposed to be farther along? Why can't I let go? I go over the what ifs.....it hurts!!<p>THanks for the posts.

FAS,<p>It's been 2 weeks tonight since we spoke last I do believe. I was watching dirty dancing again with teens. <p>I did have a better weekend last weekend, went to a Broadway production of "Male intellect, an Oxymoron" It was hilarous, seen it with a HS girlfriend that I haven't spent much time with lately. Then we sat in a Perkins and drank coffee and talked.<p>Then here we are Saturday night again!! Believe me I do feel your pain. You are so strong you will make it through this. I too have a cracked windshield. UGH!! As oppose to re posting everything and I don't know how to link, please see my thread "The word..." I hope it will help you. My prayers are with you!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Just imagine what the OW is going through when he's spending time with you, rescuing you, doing things around your house, etc.<p>I was long gone emotionally from my ex-H, but one time when I was bringing the younger kids to him for the weekend because I was going out of town, MY windshield was hit by a rock, so I naturally called him to come get the kids since my car was in the shop being fixed and I couldn't complete my trip to drop them off. He invited me to come wait at his place while he went to pick up the older kids at school.<p>While he was gone, I answered the phone, and apparently it was his current girlfriend. When she called again after he got back, she went ballistic asking him who "she" was and got even more upset when he told her "she" was his ex-W--"What's SHE doing there?" To me, it was just hilarious because I was on my way out of town to visit my current H, my fiance at that time, and the last thing I was interested in was anything to do with my ex-H.<p>And he ended up calling me at my current H's family's place (where I was staying) crying on my shoulder and drunk because apparently they continued to fight after I left and ended up breaking up. I remember him telling me how much it hurt to be rejected and all that, and I remember thinking how clueless he was about who he was talking to--the one HE had dumped! I just kept saying, "Yeah, I know." Duh!<p>Anyway, I'm sure any pleasant friendly time spent with the W strikes terror in the hearts of OW or at least irritates the hell out of them.<p>[ March 30, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

DOn't give up, it's not over till the fat lady sings! some people even reconcile after the d, my h even recently told me.. he missed how we knew what each other was thinking without even asking... we have known each other sinc e I was 16 and he 17. so long time.. like you and your h... do not give up... she will never have this on you. Look beautiful and be confident.. do not let him kow you are down... make your self so wonderful he wants you! It will be great... just picture it... you know how men are.. he will wnat you when he thinks he has lost you... go for it@ It is not over yet... <p>Hugs, Lisa

Happy Easter everyone...
HE called about an hour ago to say hi to the kids. Gee.....he didn't wish me a Happy Easter. <p>I am doing better today....thank you so much for your posts. I am trying to figure out what to do next. We left each other not speaking .... and we have to do some of the divorce stuff....should I just wait? The ball is really in "my court"....so to speak. I have to let him know if I agree to a few things. I really need to tell him...because...if he takes it away...I am sunk. As it is...my retirement will be small....at best. I hate that I am now in the situation where I have to talk to him about this stuff.....especially when I am mad at him....and I don't think he is too crazy about me right now either.<p>Enjoy your day!

Feeling So Alone,<p>Our Hs are twins I swear. He called yesterday and asked to talk to the younger kids. Today he calls and again asks to talk to Kaitie and Kyle--no hellos--nothing.<p>He must have been somewhere with her too--it was an out of location number. Sounded good when he was talking to the kids. It is like I don't exist anymore. Strange.<p>The divorce issues talk is tough. Try to do it when you are in control of your emotions. It helps to have legal backup too. I try not to correspond when I get angry anymore--it just escalates things. <p>Don't really have any good advice about it---I guess it is just a necessary evil. Take care of yourself---this is the hardest thing I have gone through in my life. Pat

Okay....I'll keep it short...but basically I told my H he should apologize for saying that I was a b*tch for 22 yrs.....he said that he felt bad about it but that I was the one started it!!! I said that I had to go....and hung up. Why is everything my fault??? I must have missed something!