Does anyone have any experience with this one? I found out husband had PA 3-23-02. He has not left the house, since I think we can only work out our problems if we're talking to one another. Here's my problem. I am still attracted to him AND incredibly angry, hurt, betrayed. What on Earth are these feelings about? I don't feel like I'm competing with OW, but maybe I am and I'm just not aware.....I've experienced every emotion under the sun this last week, but today I can't stop thinking about him sexually. Would it be detrimental to my recovery to have sex with him? Since he would definitely agree to sex, he wants to work on marriage...Should he move out? Need help.....

In my case, right after DDay - H and I started having the most amazing sex again, and often. At the time, he hadn't recommitted to me, was still "in love" with OW, and I had no idea what our future was, but the sex was, and now, two years later, still is. Difference now is he's truly "back" now with his heart and soul.<p>So, not sure if this offers any advice, just what happened to us.

H and I also had better sex after the a... I think we both realized how good it was, and I at least, how much he meant to me... my relaxing to enjoy it, despite anger and resentments towards my h made my sex more enjoyable... his too... but I know it had a lot to do with my wnating it more... now, I do not know if H wanted it more or not.. but def. he sd I was the best lover he ever had... he is still not back home... his short term A is over... lasted about the total of 6 months just like the books say... what a gag... the light of day was sept 15, so I do not really know what happened before the light of day.. he claims it was only a few weeks... so he left me for her?/????? We still have major issues.. and since my H would not committ tio me I cut out the sex... I could not take it anymore... as he did not want to come home.... so now I am givimg him more of me to miss... and also repsecting me more .. and letting him be less of a cakeman... My plan a was not at all perfect, but when H started syaing he liked life like it was.... he getting to see me and kids on part time basis and doing whatever the heck he wanted the rest of the time... constant boys nights out, etc.. while I am always MOmmy at home.. this HOney got tired of giving too many treats ans toys away... so I took the toys away... so let's wait and see how hard it is for him to really be alone???? Sad, I wonder if he will come back... he likes his freedom a lot... sad for two sweet boys who love their daddy to pieces and a mom who thought he hung the moon when she married him... me... and jsut wants him to deal with drinking and responsibility issues.<p>Good luck, my H may rather be a perpetual teeanager than ever grow up... and I need to be married to a man, as fun as he is.<p>Good luck to you, keep posting!
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thanks for the input. at least I know I'm not crazy, or at least not tonight.....

Not at all crzy.. in fact I rather enjoyed all the revived sex.. I just need some revived love... ya know? trust too... anyhow... if this is the beginning , please hold on tight and be prepared , I have been on this roller coaster for over 6 monyhs... and I am just beginning to feel a little like me again... take care of you.. this is hard... read surviving and affair and everything you can on this site... post and post your heart away.. you will get to feeling better, eventually... good he is trying to be with you in some way.. study on emotional needs, and love busters... very good info.<p>hugs, HoNEY [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I had sex once with my H during his A, which he said was EA only, and found out later it was PA. He had sex with her, then with me and then back to her. I not only felt very used, but also sick at the thought of exposure to stds. I think what we crave is intimacy and for me it wasn't possible when he was still in love with her.

Boy...you guys are strong! I can't even think about having sex with my wife. It seems like it will be soooo long before that happens. Maybe I am just to early into all this. I can't help but look and think of her as "dirty". The last thing I want at this point is anything phyiscal! I can't even touch her without feeling sick to my stomach. Will these feelings pass with time? I hope so! I really do love my wife, and I really do want it to work. I just have some major issues to figure out, and her as well.<p>You can check out my story under "Just found out" if you are intrested.<p>thanks,
Jeeper

Jeeper,<p>I don't feel strong that's just it.....Maybe it's weakness. I feel so confused. It would make much more sense to me if I felt the way you did, total disgust, but I don't at least not from the sex angle. That's one of the reasons I am so angry,H's A has turned me into someone I don't know. I never would have thought I would have acted this way if someone had told me.....When is the real me going to come back? I miss her.... [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

The bottom line is that if he wants and needs sex, then it's a good addition to Plan A - winning him back. Like it or not, you ARE competing with the OW right now. If it's not a problem for you, and will likely help the cause, why not? Go for it! Lord knows you deserve some kind of satisfaction, even if it's short-term!

Angel:
I discovered that my WH had an EA 15 months ago. No one can prepare you for the range of emotions that one can feel. I went from anger, hurt, betrayal, grief to Kissie,kissie and SEX-Want it! Looking back on the last year, I would have to say that it was accordding to the books.... I have read everything on this MB Site, as well as DR. H's books, especially Surviving His Affair. Dr. Dobson, also has a book about affairs and applies the Tough Love principles to life in general, titled Love Must be Tough. I just found another book by Carder, Torn Asunder which I have found to be more analytical and list oriented about the effect of an affair on the betrayed spouse's idea of the marriage and how both spouses contribute to the Love Bank deficits or to the marriage spiraling down out of control. All of the books mention the extreme range of feelings that one goes through during the healing process regardless of the final outcome. All make reference to the extremes of wanting sex and hating sex.<p>I know that I did. At times, I did not want my H, and at other times, I wanted him a lot since I was afraid that he was going to leave and I would never get any more again since I do not sleep around OR I just wanted SEX with him to feel close, alive and desired by him.<p>Before the EA, I would never have believed that I would have wanted to work out our marriage problems with him. NOW, I am willing, though, currently, I am exhausted in trying to Plan A. It can be hard to talk things out. It is not easy but as others on the site have said, I have to give it my best shot at saving the marriage for me as well as our children. We have been married 17 years.<p>This has been a learning process for me as well. I have had to address what childhood memories I have brought into the marriage and why I married my H in the first place. I am still learning about me, what my ENs are, and how I missed in actually KNOWING what my H's ENs are as well. In afterthought, I knew what some of his were but did not think that they were important and told him that he was being shallow. I never knew! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Well, my advice, is do not make any decisions until your emotions are more under control (for me about two months). READ, READ, READ! IF at all possible, stay in the same house. You will want to Plan A and really show him that you care about his ENs and that you will create a safe place by not doing LBs. I had a hard time doing this since in my family of origin, we yell and argue. Not good, if you want to talk and connect. The goal is to get to the point that you can talk about the EA or A as though you are a report taking an interview. This takes time.<p>God Bless. You will find strength that you did not know that you had.<p>From the ashes,
FenixWife
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