Hi to you all! I also posted this on his kiss but then thought maybe I should have done it on a seperate topic so sorry 4 any confusion! I have a question don't know if any of u can offer any insite to this... H & I are in the process seperating, we r in seperate rooms & our place has been sold but possesion date not till July. My question is H is adamant that this seperation is going ahead he has told some people & I have told my family he is making plans to move on alone & each time i ask can't we try one more time i get the answer u know it would never work (there is no OP involved here, but some 11yrs ago there was) So then why when he went to the pub does he come home largered & comes up 2 my room & asks me why i am in his bed (his bed room is downstairs) I had just come home from overseas & decided that I would b upstairs, I had been in a seperate room b4 i left) anyway he proceeds 2 tell me that he had taken the sheets off his bed (which he had) & hadnt got them back on, he then proceeds to kiss me passionately & trys to make out with me but because he is so drunk it's impossible, but goes on & on for about an hour about how i'm gagging 4 sex & how he wants 2 please me (this is a guy that is planning a life on his own!) this has happened twice now & because i am not the one that wants out i let this go on, I dont know what my response should be maybe i can't let go & am happy to have this rather than nothing..but the end is drawing near he kisses me just soooo passionately I can't believe it's happening, also he had the perfect opportunity to tell his father about us seperating last week when i was away (he lives a long way away) & instead of telling him he went on a bender for a couple of days & his father didnt know where he was & was worried about him (his father was here 4 a week) I have written him emails asking cant we have one more go but as usual i get the reaponse an emphatic NO! lets move on & get on with our lives has this happened to anyone else out there I am hoping someone can give me some advice???????

He may still want the M, but not be willing to talk.. lots of men hate the talks... wait and see... sometimes couples work things out...a fter a seperation or a d.. it can help... my prayers go out to you...if you are comfortable.. it is ok.. be careful if he is too drunk..it can be unenjoyable...at least to me it is... <p>but he sounds confused... my alcoholic h thinks we can divorce and go on being lovers for life.. hmmm... only thing that does is end him of legal responsibilities for me and the kids... whew ,.. msut be nice, huh, h? If your h has drinking issues.. I bet that is where this lies... you sound like you r not in the us.. where are you? Do they have alanon? support for spouses and friends of alcoholics.. great program.. hugs.../<p>My H definitely wants the sex, and the more of it he gets.. the more he seems to want me... sad but true... it seems to be how lots of men really work....<p>Honey [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Well a couple of things i forgot 2 add, he doesnt have a drinking problem tis just that every now & then he (probably once a month or even less) he goes 2 the pub & rolls in at 3am, anyway i am in aussie but i forgot 2 mention that the other day i asked him why did he want 2 have sex with me when he doesnt love me & hasnt for over 2 yrs but i only just found this out about 5 months ago he said he didnt want to have sex it was stupid of him & he was drunk.....so i then said i bet you cant wait 2 see me drive out that gate when all this is sorted he said ya darn right i can't which hurt but was initated by me so i guess i asked for that didnt i!!! But what i dont get is the being so passionately kissed by him when he wants it then he can act sooooo cold & ready 2 live his own life acting like sorting out all our posessions is an everyday thing unfortunately he is handleing this a lot better than me (or is he maybe it's just a cover up) I don't know the next few weeks r going 2 b soooo hard but nowhere available 2 rent around here yet so am hanging on till something becomes available.

Just because he only drinks periodically, doesn't mean he's not an alchoholic. My father was a "binge" drinker. People assumed for years that he wasn't alchoholic because he could go weeks without a drink and rarely "appeared" drunk. But he definitely had emotional issues that the alchohol prevented him dealing with. It wrecked my parents marriage and left me with some extremely bad "role model" ideas. Just something to consider. It certainly sounds like you H changes significantly after a few rounds...

WrungOut:
I suggest that you read Dr. Dobson's book, Love must be Tough. Do you respect yourself? Do you enjoy being treated this way? Why does he get to sit on the fence and not REALLY make a decision? Is it fair to you? Is it fair to the kids? What does that say as a role model to your children and their futures as adults?<p>IMHO, I think that he is asking what you are made of? Are you made of JELLO? Do you give in when he pushes the boundaries? Are there boundaries? Does he really know what the consequences are or is he testing you! I believe that he wants and needs to know that you know what the boundaries are in your marriage. Do you know in your heart that you can live a satisfying life without him but that you choose to have and want a great marriage with him? Do not ask him to stay in the marriage, allow him to make the choice on his own. You can let him know that you would greatly enjoy his participation in the marriage but that ultimately it is his choice to committ fully to you because he truly wants to not because he feels that "he should or his family thinks that he should". Give him the true freedom to make that choice. Do not nag or remind him; he is an adult and can make the choice. Not easy to let him go since you know what choice it is that you want him to make... but allow him the freedom to make that choice. I had to.<p>This is not easy. EA's, A's or whatever life challenges you with are not easy to stand firm in what you believe is right for you. My H had an EA and my beliefs had never been tested in such a brutal way as now. I have had to continually stand firm in what I believe in ( no third person in our marriage - EA or not) I have had to learn what I truly believe in and have had to learn that I am worth a great marriage that is created by TWO mature adults. My H has said that I was being judgemental, emotional, selfish, when he wanted to keep the OP in our lives - "Even though he never told her and she is innocent".<p>God Bless. I know that you will find that you have strength that you did not know that you had.<p>From the ashes,
FenixWife
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Hi there & thanks to all of you that posted a reply. An update..Well h is now just acting as tho this is a normal everyday thing that is happening to us deciding who should have what & talking about the land he is going 2 buy am trying to hold myself 2gether thru this & am hoping that a house will become available for me to rent in about 8 weeks so that I can cut all contact with him as the rejection that I am feeling is just too painful, I can't see no contact working for us tho as i have just spent the last 10 weeks overseas with my mother who is ill & it didn't bother him at all. He decided 2 yrs ago that it was over for us but sadly didn't tell me so i had no oportunity to try & make things right. Anyway a quick run down on my "history" been married 26yrs, 2 adult sons who live away from home, H had affair 11yrs or so ago became friendly about 3yrs ago with a local woman spending their free time together (same hobby horse riding) as wife i was unhappy about this so caused loads of hassle to the point that all his love for me is now gone no one is gonna hurt him anymore he wants to be on his own...but a few days ago did send me an email admitting that he & this other femail had a talk about 6 months ago & dceided that they were spending too much time in each others company (was this an emotional affair & is he stuck in the fog.. I dont know!) they were both unhappy in their marriages it turned out & decided that they would not spend as much time together, he also said that he really respects her as a friend but i am asking myself is he having withdrawal symptoms from this friendship, i cant help but think i wish we had never met this woman, while i was overseas he & her husband have split up so i dont know whats going on here maybe i am too trusting but i don't think that anything was going on between them but then was it all emotional if they were both not happy.. & how does a grown man go from owning a propery with a large turnover to chucking at all up & buying land to put the horses on with no house & talking of living in a caravan NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE! sorry didnt mean 2 shout!! but this horse business is only a baby & certainly not enough 2 live on.. oh well i have rambled on enough i need 2 get my butt going & look at where my life is going to go from now on with a job & a house p, pretty hard for someone who has always had her own business sorry if none of this is making sense but I am feeling just a bit fed up 2day & needed a rant. Hope some of it makes sense.

Well have calmed down a bit now & raked out all the photo's as have to start packing this lot up & yrs of photos 2 sort thru & give some to the boys & H so looks like i shall be here for a couple of dayz doing this, they are so dusty I am sneezing 4 England!!