I strongly suspect my spouse of having an online affair. He spends many nights late at the computer. He says he is working, but every time I have walked in on him the computer screen shows CNN or some other News site. The history on his browser is always empty and he has installed Yahoo Messenger recently. This is addition to emotional behavior changes, not interested in me or the kids any more, is driving me crazy. Every time I ask him about it he denies it. I need to find out before it is too late. <p>I know it is terrible, butI have heard of some spying software that can record typing and action on a computer. Is this the best way to go? Are there other ways for me to collect information on his computer usage? Does anybody have any reccomendations for specific products? <p>I know nothing will happen until I can confront him with facts. Please, help. Thanks.

Snooper,<p>It is not terrible to investigate when you think something is going on. It would be terrible to put your head in the sand and NOT investigate when you think your marriage might be in trouble.<p>The software that I use and like is called Starr and can be purchased at www.iopus.com. It records all keystrokes and BOTH sides of chat conversations. It costs $40 and you need to be aware that if you download and install the trial version that it will flash a reminder whenever you restart the computer. Your best bet will be to install it and just pay for it then to avoid detection. It is real easy to use.

be careful if you find what you are looking for, yes.. it sounds very suspicious... come here and post and v ent and let us know and let us help you deal with the shock if you are very upset with what you find.. .hopefully, it will be innocent... god bless you... please react calmly if you find something and think about what you will do before you do it... on my confrontation of my h, he left... and has been gone over 6 months... I too got suspicious about the computer, and cell phone, and other wierd ways he was acting... try t o read this site and try to meet hhis emoitional needs, and reduce your love busters... plan a.. this may turn him around before it gets too seriuos... i , if I had it to over again would turn around my actions if I knew early enought... you may have the chance to do this... sad... but we are the betrayed/.... yet, they are the more sick spouse... right now... and we have to help the wayward spouse find their way back home... to the marriage... love and protect yuour marriage... read up on plan a... read his needs , her needs by the harleys...you will be ok... PLEASE think carefully before any letting on that you know... I think if I had done this H would be home... I blew up... and a lot of our last arguements... and now arguements we have to reselve were my irrational and crzed behavior at finding out the unimaginable and biggest betryal of my life.. my h cheating on me... hugs to you... hopefully if anything it is only online,... and not in person... my prayers go toy you. For my h is was a coworker.<p>Hugs, HOney [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

How computer literate are you?
Do you also use your husband's computer on a regular basis?

When the time comes, don't reveal what you know or how you know it. Many of us have done this to our regret, because then they just know how to cover their tracks better, and it drives you even more crazy when they act like they're working on the M when they're still carrying on the A.<p>Don't ask him anything anymore. When you know what you need to know, just say, "I think you are having an affair." and don't say anything else. Just wait for a response. Innocent people will usually just give a simple denial.<p>But since you won't be having this conversation until after you know something solid, he may say something like "Why do you think I'm having an A?", which REALLY means "What do you know so that I can plug that leak and not get caught again." Your answer should be, "I just think so." and remain quiet again. Do not elaborate. Just observe his reactions and decide what you are going to do next based upon what you know.

I emphatically recommend Conqueror's advice to guard your sources. If you are in a recovery phase, it will help the recovery to VERIFY that your WS is being truthful. I don't think I could have ever learned to trust my spouse again without this independent verification. This way I don't have to rely on "hope" and his rather tainted "word." I would probably go crazy wondering without this source. This way, I don't wonder or "hope," I KNOW.<p>[ March 31, 2002: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</p>