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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 11 |
Help, I’m going backwards. I found out about my wife’s affair over a month ago now. We have been going to counseling and reading the web site. She said they only had sex once with a bunch of e mails that I found. I doubt that is the truth. She has only admitted to the one time because it was in writing, there were other times she was missing. She wrote some terrible things about me and good things about him.<p>I love her but I can’t get it out of my mind. It was getting better but today I’m just plain pissed off. My sister in law is visiting and I’m sure my wife is worried her sister will find out what she did. I’m feeling like I want to leave and never come back. Anyone out there have any advice? My wife points out to me how some of the stories on the web site have people in ongoing affairs etc. Like hers wasn’t that bad. If that’s the case why do I feel so bad. We have been together 17years 3 kids. I don’t think I want to go on. However I’m afraid to be alone.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
TheD,<p>Your W is trying to minimize her actions. Is she a conflict avoider by nature? Who are your support people right around U? <p>Get with those as soon as U can to help you keep strong. I didn't get a chance to do some research but what have you read or implemented from the info here at MB?<p>L.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,086
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Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,086 |
You will cycle through all the stages of grief over and over again, and anger is just one of them. There is a post here somewhere about the stages of grief, and that would probably help you understand what's happening. I was recently in an anger phase, and I still cycle through the shock phase, where an image will flash and my mind will say, OMG he really did do this to me!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The anger is completely understandable, ESPECIALLY if your W is minimizing her actions by trying to cast blame elsewhere, saying others are worse by comparison, etc. It's a way of dodging because it doesn't matter a hill of beans what any of the rest of us are going through. HER only concern should be what YOU are going through.<p>Sometimes it helps when the BS recognizes for themself that someone else's situation seems "worse" or less hopeful--helps them to see the glass as half full rather than half empty, but BIG HUGE MISTAKE for a WS to try to point that out to their BS--very insensitive, just pours salt into the wound.<p>Just go with your anger, but keep it LB-free. Eventually you will move on to the next phase of the cycle, none of which are fun, but necessary to do the grieving you need to do.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Hi, <p>Here's that thread called the 5 stages of grieving:<p> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html <p>How are you doing?<p>L.<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 315
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 315 |
Orchid,<p>thanks for the thread, just read it and took notes.<p>I will have to read where you are at now, i dont know much about you accept you give alot of your time on here to help others.<p>Dancer
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 290
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 290 |
I like what someone said about the cycles.<p>Also for me it seemed like I had this container in my head that stored up all the pain at the beginning (call it shock) and only let out a little at a time, so that I could handle it. <p>As I grew stronger by dealing with some of it, more of it would "come out" so then I would deal with that. <p>So you may not really be going backwards at all.
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