Happy Easter everyone. This is a special sacred day in the Christian faith, and so I think the timing was quite appropriate for the experience I had this morning. I believe that God communicated to me today. I want to share my experience and ask for your thoughts and interpretations of the events that happened. First, I need to share a little background. I apologize in advance for being long-winded, but I think the background is important to my story. If you want to skip the background info, just skip ahead to the ' [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] '.<p>For most of my adult life, I have considered myself to be "spiritual, but not religious". I believe in God, and I do talk with Him, but I'm not convinced that organized worship is the best way (for me anyway) to be close to Him. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, but I disagreed with many of the things I was taught in church, and I stopped practicing as a teenager. I haven't regularly attended church since then. But I have tremendous respect for God and His creations, and I do consider myself close to Him. I sometimes ask Him for help, and I've found that He answers my prayers, sometimes in amazingly direct ways. I've been to church a few times with W and enjoyed it, and have considered joining.<p>My W comes from a religious family, and worship is important to her. Unfortunately, she got out of the habit of attending church when she was in college (when our relationship began), and she never started going regularly until a few years ago. But she did join a local church that she really liked. She also joined the choir and became a counselor for the church youth group. I seldom attended with her, and in retrospect, that was a mistake.<p>Last summer W met the OM through the church youth group. The A began while on a week-long mission trip with the kids. When OMW found out, she told the minister and had W removed from the youth group. W couldn't bear to face the minister or other church members who might know of the A, so she stopped going to church. She hasn't been to church regularly since last summer. Before she moved out, I told her that if she wanted to work on the marriage, I wanted to go to church with her from now on. I said I'd like to choose a new church together, and make that an important part of our life together. My offer was sincere, and it still stands.<p>Two weeks ago, W told me that she tried a new church and liked it quite well. She planned on going a few more times, and possibly joining the church. She told me to let her know any Sunday that I wanted to join her, and I agreed. W hasn't given me any indication that she wants to work on our M, but we are friends and I like being with her. I like the idea of attending church with her, whether it helps heal our M or not.<p> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>OK, now I'll describe what I feel have been signs from God, the most recent being today:<p>Usually when I ask God for help, I ask for intangible things like strength, patience, insight (for myself or for others). Very occasionally I ask for something more specific. One of the best examples was last summer, on D-day. I'd become extremely suspicious that W was having an affair, and I started snooping. I'd figured out who OM was from her cell phone bill, but I still had no proof of the A. I'd just gone though her email and found nothing. Then I prayed to God and asked him to help me find concrete evidence if there was any to be found. After praying, I took one last look at her email and found a folder I'd missed before-- in that folder was all the proof I needed. This seemed to me like a very direct response to my prayer.<p>Fast forward to the past month. My mind has decided that a divorce is my best course of action. However, my heart is just not there yet, and so I keep looking for any signs of hope. W and I have been carrying on a friendship (much moreso in the past 2 months), and the A seems to be caving in. It may even be over already, but it's definitely weakened a lot recently. This has given me some new hope. However, this week was a little difficult. We've hardly talked at all in the past week and a half, and I was getting a little frustrated. She was really excited about a new job prospect, and she never called to tell me about her interview (she'd told me that she'd call on Wednesday after the interview). I left her a message on Friday, and still hadn't hadn't heard from her. I even wondered if she left town to spend Easter with her mother.<p>Finally, last night I prayed and again asked God for a little more specific help. I told Him that my hope was beginning to fade again, and I couldn't tell if He wanted me to continue being patient or to move ahead with the D. I asked Him to please give me some sign if there is still any hope left for my M.<p>This morning, I was awoke by my phone ringing at 7:00. I didn't answer, but I thought I heard W's voice leaving a message. I decided to get up a few minutes later and listen to the message. She had called to see if I wanted to attend the Easter service at the new church she'd found. She said the service was a 9:00, and she'd be leaving her apartment around 8:45 to walk over to the church. I decided to go.<p>W seemed very glad to see me when I got to her apartment. She has a new hairstyle, and she looked about as beautiful as I've ever seen her (I didn't tell her that, but I did comment on the hairstyle). The weather was wonderful, and we enjoyed walking to the church together. On the way, she told me all about her job interview-- it apparently went great. The church service was excellent; I liked the minister and his sermon, and I loved the music. W and I shared a hymnal and sang together. At one point, the minister asked everyone to take the hand of someone next to them and pray. W took my hand and gave me the biggest smile I've seen from her since before she left home. We walked back to her apartment and said goodbye. I left feeling great.<p>We didn't talk at all about our M our the state of her A. Actually, I'm glad for that. I truly feel that God answered my prayer and showed me a sign that there is enough hope left for me to hang in there a little longer. Thank you, God!<p>OK, sorry for being so long-winded. If anyone's still reading, I'd like to ask for your opinions. Do you think that God really did speak to me today? Or do I have a fundamental misunderstanding about how God communicates with us? Should I remain hopeful that my M might be saved? If so, any suggestions how I can avoid letting my expectations get too high? Also, should I continue to attend church with W?<p>Thank you so much for reading, and thanks in advance for your input. Again, Happy Easter!<p>BP

Hi be_positive and happy Easter to you too. I think God works in many ways and what happened to you today is most likely a direct result of your prayers. I'm happy for you and I think you should continue to attend church with your wife as long as she wants you there. As far as getting your hopes up, don't count your chicken before they hatch, or so they say. That's probably the best idea right now. Just take things as they come. You and your wife will be in my prayers. Good luck to you [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

If it helps at all...I will keep you in my prayers. I too was raised Roman Catholic....I even used to play the guitar at our 9:00 mass on Sunday mornings. I really haven't been to church much since but I pray everyday. <p>Everything you said sounds so positive! Don't get your hopes too high...and don't push....let her come to you!<p>It does look like God gave you a sign!<p>Good Luck to you!

be_positive.<p>God is absolutely talking to you! <p>When I suspected my H, I too asked God to show me what was going on - the truth and to be able to handle whatever came up. Well the evidence came and it a very unexpected way! <p>Right after Dday, I too was sure that DV was the answer. Then a "co-incidence" happened. I ran into a member of the prayer group I belong to & when he asked how I was, I burst into tears. We prayed and talked. When I left, I felt differenct.<p>God led me to find help and MB was one part. I decided to wait a year before I decided anything.
That decision have proved very wise. I have 2 friends who got DV right away & now regret that.<p>I was not raised Catholic, but that is where i found my spirituality. The first step in my spiritual growth came from taking a LIfe in the Spirit seminar. FANTASTIC!!! changed my life. <p>As for your WW, expect ups and downs. Asking you to go to church is a very big sign. But no one can know the outcome. Just keep asking God to direct your thoughts and actions.<p>A great book is the Power of a praying Husband by Stormiw Omartian. I got the wife's version and have to say that from day one of praying through the book, that something was different.<p>WH & I went to church together today for the first time in a long, long , long time.<p>God Bless [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

TinyDancer, thank you for your prayers-- that means a lot to me, since I believe that God really does answer them. I think you're right that I can't count any chickens yet, and I should just take things as they come.<p>FeelingSoAlone, thank you also for your prayers. You gave me some good advice-- especially this: "don't push... let her come to you". Sometimes that's hard to do, but I think it's essential in my situation. Thanks for helping me to keep that in mind.<p>WillGetThruThis, I'm glad your H went to church with you yesterday-- good for you! Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who God "speaks" to-- somehow that makes it seem more real. Do you really think that W inviting me to church is a very big sign?<p>Does anyone else have similar experiences of having your prayers answered? If so, I'd love to read about them. Also, for those in recovery, did you ever rely on God to show you that there's still hope?<p>Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts and opinions.<p>BP

I do really believe God answers prayers. I never use to feel it firsthand until I found out about my H's A.Ironically H and I had just started going to church regularly when he met OW at work. We had just relocated for his job so I began to attend Bible studies to meet people and further my faith. I had always told H from the time we first married that if he ever was unfaithful that would end our marriage for sure. Yet the day I found out was right after finishing a 6 wk Bible Study topic on forgiveness- coincidence? I think not.H insisted that he was out of love with me, in love with OW and that our marriage was hopeless and he definitely wanted a divorce. I had been told by a friend about the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'martian and bought that. That book was incredible- During the nights when H refused to end his A I would read those prayers and a few times I asked for a sign from the Man Upstairs about if I should continue our marriage. In the morning I would see some sign of hope or confusion from H and hang in there.( H slept on the couch downstairs after spending a few months in OW's condo because he feared losing custody of our 3 kids by moving out again)He was cold to me for months. In my situation,OW tried EVERYTHING to get H to divorce me and marry her- she was very relentless and H was completely emotionally withdrawn from me and not physically intimate with me for 8 months. I truly thought God had forsaken me when H filed for divorce on me at the urging of OW 3 mo after d-day, but God even had a hand in that- H then broke down crying and saying it was the worst mistake of his life and cancelled it and that was the catalyst to get him to start participating in marriage counseling with me and end his A for good. Read Jeremiah 29:11- I found that a true inspiration last year. God has plans for your life. He is in the drivers seat. Trust in Him. We have been in counseling for a year- went for 9 mo to a regular type of counselor and hashed out the affair details and our unresolved conflicts, then we started with a Christian psychologist 2 months ago and we are working on healing and better communication now. Read Stormie O'Martians book Power of a Praying Husband. I am getting that book for my H for our 16th anniversary this year. Take care- lifeismessy

lifeismessy, thanks for sharing your story with me. I'm so happy for you that your H's A is over and that your M is recovering. I really appreciate your experiences with praying for help and seeing signs that your prayers have been answered. I now have all the more inspriation to keep trusting God to help me find the way. I now have 2 recommendations for The Power of a Praying Wife-- I might just have to get that book. Thanks again for your post, and good luck in your recovery!<p>BP

Absolutely!<p>One of the most important things that occurred early on was asking my H to attend a different church on Mother's Day last year...<p>due to a lot of things, we had stopped going to the church we regularly attended, and like you, I have never been a proponent of 'organized' religion--so I resisted my H's desires to find another church... I was sooo busy... it was nice to have another 'free' day...<p>Yes... you can write STUPID on my forehead...<p>to make a long story short... THE MOST important thing that has happened post d-day is that my relationship with God has been strengthened and I, too, can list specific 'answers' to my prayers and the prayers of others.<p>I would like to recommend a book that was pivotal to me just a couple months into this... "Secrets of the Vine." <p>Good luck and continued Blessings,
Cali

I had to write a comment on this. I'm at the very early stages of this process. D-Day was about 3 weeks ago. (Although secretly I suppose I have known about it for longer) <p>Anyway, Like you I'm not a "good Catholic" person. Until recently I wasn't very sure I believed in God. (Although looking back over the course of my life I can lot's of times when He has answered. Like when I found my W in the first place.)<p>After she found out that I had an EA. I found out that she was having and EA (PA? I still don't know) I had ended the my EA on my own. I had realized how wrong it was. (too late of course it should have never happened.) <p>Well the point is that I was in a lot of pain. I had given up. I was ready for D. Then I asked God why this was happening to me, and set out to find out "everything" you need to know about D. I still don't know what I typed in the search engine, but the very first site I found was MB. <p>Then I asked should I get the D? and then I started reading. I've decided that I don't want the D. I want to try to save our marriage. <p>I won't say everything is going smoothly. She is still having the A. I've moved out of our house.<p>I'm trying to start Plan A, but truthfully I'm still "mystified" by it. (I ordered SAA it should be here Wednesday. Maybe I should ask HIM to get it here a little early [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Well I thought I would share my experiences with you. I'm "off" to read more posts and gather more strength.

Hi, yes I also see God answering my prayers- my husband and I spent many years serving God together and so since the affair he has had nothing to do with church. When ever I come to the end of my tether my natural self wants me to get a divorce but I always find God giving me pointers to stick with my marriage and pray for my husband. I have found this site very helpful and also Rejoice ministries. I pray that you and
your wife will work things out Jante

Cali, thanks for sharing your experience with me. I'm glad to hear that your relationship with God has strengthened. Mine has also, and I'm a better person regardless of my M. Would you tell me a little about "Secrets of the Vine"? What is it about, and how did it help you?<p>FeelingLost, I hope God does help your copy of SAA arrive early. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] He certainly did you a favor helping you to find MB. Me too! Thanks for sharing your story, and good luck in your Plan A.<p>jante, thank you so much for your prayers. I will pray for you and your H as well. Your story gives me even more incentive to continue watching for signs from God.<p>I had another good sign today-- not sure that this was an answer to my prayers, but it sure made me feel good! When I got home, I found a message on my answering machine from my MIL. I haven't spoken with her since last summer, but I do love her very much and she has sent me a couple of cards telling me that she still loves and supports me. Anyway, she called to thank me for the friendship and support I've given to W. MIL told me she knows it would be easy for me to turn my back on W, and she's touched and grateful that I haven't. She said I'm a very special person and she's extremely impressed with my strength of character. I don't mind saying that her message made my day.<p>Thanks to all who have shared their experiences with me. Keep them coming, if anyone else would like to share.<p>BP

The book shows you, in the words of the author, "how God works in our lives to bring us from barrenness to fruitfulness for His glory. The book is based on Jesus's teachings in a vineyard the night before He died..."<p>The book also shows the difference between a test of Faith and God's discipline... for example... a crisis is NOT necessarily 'punishment,' but rather a TEST of Faith... to you turn to God or away? Also... sometimes the test is a lesson learned.<p>I recently purchased the 31 day devotional based on the book and the journal... so I am working through it... (also gave a set to my H for Easter).<p>Cali

B_P,<p>I don't know how to say this to you. But, don't QUESTION what you believe. This is not science, it is religion and about believing things we cannot prove, but believe.<p>So my advice to you... don't ask so many questions and listen to what you see and feel happening. <p>I realize it is fashionable to question everything, and being a scientist I do that for a living and because it is my life. BUT, there are things that happen and the power of prayer is one of them, that is just a bit [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] beyond our ability to understand.<p>If your prayers gave you strength, then they were answered. Use it, enjoy it, and make the best of it. <p>Glad your Easter Sunday was so good. Mine was too, but Easter is always special, isn't it??<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Folks,

It's so refreshing to find this thread. Just when I thought that all of MB had turned into ... something rather unhelpful, I check in and find a nice thread like this. May God bless you all.

Something Thanks again folks for an excelent thread. I've got the "praying Husband" book, but haven't even opened it. So, I'll start reading now.

-AD

<small>[ June 30, 2002, 02:09 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

Cali, thanks for your book synopsis. That does sound like a worthwhile read, especially the part about showing the difference between a test of faith and God's discipline. I often think of my most difficult experiences as being tests and/or opportunities for growth. I'll check out that book when I get the chance!<p>JL, I was hoping you'd post on this thread, as I always get so much value from your insight. You make an excellent point about the difference between religion and science. I also am a scientist and I have a tendency to question everything and always look for proof. That just doesn't work with religion, so maybe I should stop asking questions. I really appreciate your position on prayers being answered:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>If your prayers gave you strength, then they were answered.<hr></blockquote><p>What a great way to look at it! Thanks, JL! BTW, I'm glad you had a great Easter.<p>AbandonedDad, I'm so glad that you have enjoyed this thread. I have also gotten pleasure from reading everyone's responses. I love your fortune cookie story! Whether that was God talking to you or not, I'll bet it made both you and your W stop and think. Good luck on your job interview, and please let me know what you think of the book.<p>As I'm sure all of you can tell by reading this thread, I'm feeling good right now. The past couple of days have been great. I think I'm going to bookmark this thread so that I can read it again someday when I'm not feeling so great. Bad days are inevitable, so it's nice to be prepared with some "medicine".<p>Thanks to all of you, and have a great day!<p>BP