While answering another thread I talked about a former fiancee who had been unfaithful. I then read several threads and posts where other BS's had also been cheated on. My question is:<p>Is this the first case of infidelity in your life or have there been other instances of infidelity with former, spouses, girl/boyfriends?

i have been cheated on in the past-with old boyfriends. however looking back-wayyyy back-this happened when i was very young- i dont think we even knew what a commited relationship should have been. we were kids.

You can count my relationships (BFs) on one hand, including my x-H. Not one of those relationships involved infidelity, EXCEPT my marriage to x-H. <p>He cheated on me twice, first time a doozey, fathered two children, two diff women. Second time ended our marriage. <p>This man has really given me quite the schooling in Adultery and all of it's horrible nuances. An education I could have done without. <p>What I want to know is, What didn't I learn the first time that I had to go thru this a second time?<p>Jo

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TinyDancer:
<strong><p>Is this the first case of infidelity in your life or have there been other instances of infidelity with former, spouses, girl/boyfriends?</strong><hr></blockquote><p> Ooh, story time! This is gonna be long! Twice (sort of a 3rd time but we hadn't "specified" that our realtionship was exclusive), but they weren't exactly mature adult relationships lol. One was the summer after high school. I was dating "P" and one night he told me he was going to "Club X" with his friends to see a certain band. Being the good little girlfriend I happily told him to enjoy himself and I made plans with a friend. My friend and I were out and about. We drove by the club, only to notice that the marquee clearly announced a different band playing there that night than the one he claimed to be seeing. Afew minutes later we went past the place that he worked and saw his car in the parking lot. We pulled in and there he sat with his ex girlfriend, smoking pot. We drove away. Found him again later (the ex was no longer with him) He told me he picked her. They broke up a month later.
Number 2. I was 20. I had known "C" for several years, since HS. He was afew years older, we had several mutual good friends. C was very good looking and had been known to cheat on every single girl he'd ever dated. I decided to date him anyways because he convinced me that I was "different and special". He did treat me better than the others and actually managed to stay faithful to me for almost 6 months lol. Then one night he encountered my very slutty supposed "friend" at a bar one night. She ALWAYS slept with guys who had girlfriends. I found out, he defended himself by saying "She's dumb, stupid and ugly, I was just drunk." She defended herself by saying "Well he didn't mention you all evening." I dumped both of them.
Three. I'd been friends with "T" since junior high. We started dating when we were 22. Things seemed to be going along well. I thought we were in an exclusive relationship but apparently he didn't. One night I accidentally ran into him and HIS ex girlfriend out on a date. They got back together and also broke up in about a month.
Now for the funny part. All 3 of those guys, within 2 years of us breaking up, pledged their undying feelings for me and begged for another chance. I laughed in all of their faces. I'm convinced that 98% of the time men come back (women are often much more resolved when they leave a relationship). That doesn't mean that they will stay there, or that things will be any different, just that they do come back. At least for awhile.

As most everyone here knows, my H and I were both the BS in our previous marriages. And this is why we agreed going into our M that should either one of us ever be unsatisfied in the M and interested in someone else, we would let the other one know rather than do the back-stabbing of an A--that we would keep it in the open and deal with it in the open. We would give the other the dignity of reality.<p>So much for that particular POJA-ed item. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] POJA only works when BOTH spouses KEEP the agreement.

My H is the only guy who ever cheated on me. And you know what? I honestly don't know how many times throughout our entire relationship he's done it. Hmmm... let's see... 7, 8 times? (THAT I KNOW ABOUT!!! Who knows if there's more??) The last 3 during our 4 month separation being the only ones AFTER we were actually married.<p>This is why this is the VERY LAST TIME I will go through this crap again. Now I know how to fix it, so there are no excuses anymore.<p>So as far as there being a 'pattern' in my life, it's only with my H. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Never had an unfaithful boyfriend. Didn't have much in the way of serious relationship prior to marriage anyway. (Got married at age 19). WH had EA during my 7th month of pregnancy with our 2nd child. I did not even know what an EA was until the 2nd time he had one. Hopefully we are addressing it more correctly this time (4 years later) and will be able to "fix" our marriage in order to help prevent it in the future.

Yes, it's happened before. By my first true love. It happened the entire time I was in college over 500 miles away and when I came back it continued without my knowledge the entire time. Found out one night, I go fishing a lot, and one time the fish weren't biting and the weather was terrible and I ran out of propane for the ice house. I cam home the night before I was suppose to, got home rather late and tried not making a sound when I got to our apartment. Walked in the bedroom and saw them in the physical act of fornication. Destroyed me then, NOW it destroys me now.<p>THe only two women I ever loved in my life, took my heart and ripped it apart. Sometimes I wonder how much "heart" is left.<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: wrestlingwithlove ]</p>

Conqueror: "So much for that particular POJA-ed item. POJA only works when BOTH spouses KEEP the agreement."<p>All seriousness aside, I realize I shouldn't make jokes about this, but I can't resist: How about a new achronym? POUA - "Policy of Unilateral Agreement"<p>All joking aside: I guess my answer to the question is yes and/or no (how's that for definitive!). Yes, because my WW has had 2 A's with same OM (11 years ago and 1.5 years ago) separated by a "friendship" that she now wants to continue. But if I consider it one A that was PA at beginning and PA at end, with EA the whole time (continuing remotely, but dying currently), then should I "feel better" that it's only been the one A? Geez, I don't know.<p>At least, these days there are some real signs that my WW is really chosing our relationship, which makes me feel pretty warm and fuzzy inside and toward her. Gosh, I love that woman! But at the same time, I still have my limits, and in spite of all the good times we've been having working on our old house after the fire last fall, I may just accept a job offer out of state when it's rebuilt and move myself away, if OM isn't erradicated from the known universe... ...I mean if he isn't out of the picture permanently!<p>persevere