I thought about this post for a while. Wondered if I should write it or not. Then again, why not.<p>I think there is nothing that can be done right by me. Following the lessons of MB - the Plan A the Plan B - the meeting of EN the preventing of LB - the doormat approach. I have read it - I have practiced it. <p>She has no plans to take be back after the four month affair I had. She will not even consider considering such a thing. She says she cannot and will not deal with her pain and the situation. She just wants to move on...whitout me. I feel like Judas...I probably am.<p>Though it's been three months sinch she found out about the affair - via the OW telling her...it could very well be ten thousand years. I have not lived with her since then. Though we remain "friends," talk hold hands hug share flirts, she remains unwilling to even consider a reconciliation - convinced that a relationship could never form again.<p>I do not feel I can even give up on her. I want to know she will be happy...even if I am not. I think that at the end of it - I'm really more concerned about her being happy, even it it shall not be with me.<p>I hope she has not been left alone in good fortune. I hope that she finds a vent for her pain and anger. <p>I hope.<p>Anyone else feel this way too?<p>David<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Esquire ]<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Esquire ]</p>

I'm sorry for your pain. Part of me can understand her unwillingness to let you back in....and I guess it is her right to do so. It does seem a shame, since you seem to want to learn and grow from this.<p>I do not think the Almighty is giving up on you, even if W does. I think He will hold you & grieve with you, if you'll let Him.<p>I wish I had some solid advice to give, but I think the ball is in your W's court...three months is not "forever", though I'm sure it seems like it. She may yet decide to let you back in...<p>Kathi

David,<p>Four months is not a long time, you may feel that things should be happening a lot faster. Her life as she knew it has been devasted, give her sometime to cope with her feelings for that and stop pushing for reconcilation at this time.<p>She is allowing you to be a friend, be happy with that, that is what she is comfortable with, go with that, if you are meant to reconcile, you have to have a starting point and friendship is a good place.<p>See a post a wrote late last week about the word forsaken. Am not sure how to link so look for "The Word...."<p>God's blessings to you, be patient, read everything that you can here and give her time stop rushing her, be the best friend to her that you can be!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

The title of your post caught my eye because my H feels like God forsook him, too. He also feels like I "pushed him out there" to have his A. IMO, this is blame casting, so what I have to say may not feel very nurturing, but I believe it is the truth, and I came to it because of MY adultery (sin) that separated me from God.<p>God will not follow you into sin. If you read the story of the Prodigal Son, it will show you where God is and where you were. He is always looking down the road waiting for us to come home, and he rejoices when we do. If you are now "seeking first the Kingdom", he is showering blessings on you, but that will not necessarily mean that you will not reap what you sowed when you were far from Him.<p>God understands first-hand the pain of betrayal and adultery because those of us who claim to love Him do it to Him all the time. And it is my opinion that it is His empathy for the deep pain involved that led to His allowing divorce--something he HATES--in the case of adultery. That tearing asunder of the oneflesh is so damaging to the M, and sometimes the hemorrhaging is so great that He provides that way of escape.<p>And as always, it boils down to our being created in God's image as creatures with free will. If your W wants to take that door of escape, she may, and He will not count it against her. I can't possibly know what your W is thinking or feeling, but being faced with the same circumstances, I have the same choice of whether to remain in a M tainted by adultery or not.<p>I'm still struggling with it even though we are living together and the rest of the world thinks we're married. I don't FEEL married. I FEEL betrayed and abandoned, and I will not commit to an unsafe R, so maybe I'm living in sin--I don't know. I just feel lost as to where and what I am. I want to forget that last 10 years that were a lie. I want to escape from this hell. But I have children with a man who hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me in my life. I feel trapped between what I want and what my children would want and what God wants.<p>My wedding anniversary will be a day of mourning for me. I will not rejoice because that was the day my life was stolen from me under false pretenses. I could see me staying in this situation for a number of years for my children's sake and never feeling committed to their father. It's hard to imagine ever believing he loves me after what he's done. I'm still young enough to not want to give up the dream of "true love", and I don't see how anything with him could ever be "true" and even if it was, how I'd ever be able to believe it.<p>I, too, spend fun time with my H, even have enjoyable sex with him, cuddling, lots of the things I missed that he withheld from me throughout our M, but so far it's not making up for what was lost. I feel much as I did with the transitional boyfriends I had between marriages--they were fun to spend time with and it was nice to feel valued and cherished, but I knew they weren't marriage material and that it was just a matter of time until I was ready to move on.<p>I don't really have any answers right now, but those may be some of the internal struggles your W is having. But they are a result of your actions, not anything God did or didn't do. If you draw near to Him, He will draw near to you, and He will never forsake you--never has, never will.<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

Remember that even though God is willing and able to forgive sin, he allows the consequences of sin to remain. Your wife leaving was a consequence of your sin. If you continue to remain relationshipless, and I mean not even a casual date, this might help restore her trust in you and her respect for you. Stay available until she permanently moves on (remarries). If you EVER begin dating again, you can probably forget reconciliation after that point. In the meantime, work on growing up.

God will test you.<p>God will discipline you.<p>God will NEVER forsake you. We forsake God. <p>In all things He waits for us to turn to Him. If you let him be #1 in your life, you will see answers EVERYWHERE... maybe not the answers YOU want... but the answers you NEED.<p>Check out a little book called "Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson (also wrote the Jabez Prayer).<p>Peace be with you,
Cali