Hello, all. I posted this prayer request over on the Prayer Requests forum, but I know a lot of my "Praying" friends do not hang out over there. I'll take prayers from anywhere I can get them today!<p>We go to Mediation today at 2:00 EDT, to decide HOW to divide up all our assets (such as they are!) WH's leaving me everything, and doesn't think this meeting is necessary. He thinks this Mediation session is MY idea, and I know he's upset with me. No. It's just part of the process of HIM getting what he wants. <p>He will say he can't afford to pay me anything (is true), and MY atty will say he MUST pay me something (also true) cause he left without notice and left me with ALL the household bills. This could get ugly. I do not want ugly. I do not want his money, however, I never expected to do this all alone when we bought the home I am now living in (moved into it 2 weeks before he left). I'm spinning my wheels and making NO headway. He seems "dug in" and determined to get his Dv.<p>WH will see this Mediation as a manipulation on my part, NOT as part of the process necessary for this thing he started. His first wife tried to take him to the cleaners (I heard about it many times), and I'm sure his mindset is that that is what I am doing. It's not true. I make more money than he does, I DON"T need his money,I don't want this Dv., however, if he's determind to go through with it, then I DO feel, after almost 21 years of M that I am entitled to some benefits (not just the empty dreams of my future) for the time I spent with him. <p>Please pray with me that God will be in control of the Mediation session (of course He will!), and that WH will begin to see the destruction his choices are causing both of us. it's been 10½ months, and I am still amazed to think he wants this, has wanted it all this time, and continues to move in this direction. I had NO idea whatsoever until I came home that day last May and he was GONE.<p>Thank you all for your prayers, and I will update you when I get back home this afternoon.

Praying for you sis. I think about you often. Pray the Lords Prayer over and over... THY will be done. Ask God to guide every action and word from your mouth. <p>Yes, you do deserve something from all of this. I'm so glad my state acknowledges this. Thankfully, my XH and I came to an agreement of what he owes me, but the courts would have backed me up and probably even gotten MORE for me. If we hadn't come to an agreement, I was going to counter-file on the grounds of adultery. <p>YES, you deserve something for being deserted, and please don't feel bad for wanting that.<p>I pray for comfort, peace, wisdom and courage for you today. Keep us posted, k?<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

I will say many prayers for you today. I know that this must be a very difficult time for you, but keep being the strong and loving woman that you want him to see. God has a wonderful plan for your life!

I'm praying for you lupolady. Be strong and know that many people are with you in spirit today. May God bless you.

My prayers are with you today, Lupolady.<p>May God give you the strength and courage you need to make it through.

Lupo- Youre in my thoughts and prayers today. let us know how things went. Take care- lifeismessy

I'm praying for you, Lupo. Stay strong and MB-like during all this. We're very poud of you. <p>Caring thoughts your way,
Jo

Hope everything went ok this afternoon....you will be in my prayers. Pat

B,<p>Be strong and give us update. You know I pray for your M.<p>-RH-

Lupolady---praying for you and can't image how difficult this is for you. The ripping and tearing is coming to completion. It will get better when all is done and God can heal your wounds. Don't forget that Jesus came to "bind up the brokenhearted." (Isa 61:1)<p>I have been doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free and I highly recommend it for every single person on this site (WS and BS and OW). It is POWERFUL!!!!<p>TW

Please let us know how it went. My prayers are ever with you, lupolady... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] We might not know what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future and you have a BRIGHT future in Christ!

My dear Lupo,<p>How are you doing? <p>These hard kind of days make us draw strength from what we have learned. When you are able, let us know how we can help. <p>Hugz,
L.

LupoLady,<p>I just read your post, but will lift you up in my prayers. Let us know what happened 2day.<p>God Bless

My dear Faithful Friends,<p>Thank you all so much for your prayers yesterday. Be assured they were felt!<p>In fact, I told everyone the mediation started at 2:00. In fact, it started at 1:30!!! Soooo, at 1:30, when we arrived, DH was already there. He was in a foul mood, it was obvious. He came there "loaded for bear" and prepared to FIGHT. He immediately started fighting about stuff we were saying. The mediator was very good, but we ended up doing the mediation in separate rooms ( I suspect DH did NOT want to face me, so he "orchestrated" a way that he could do this to me without facing me). I was calm, and I had discussed ahead of time with my atty what needed to happen. By 2:00, things HAD calmed down, so your prayes were being felt. It was all over by 3:30.<p>Well, long story short about the mediation, it worked out fairly well.....both sides GAVE a little, both sides GOT a little......<p>Oh, well, here's an interesting side line: During his atty's opening statements, he said that H had "everything he wanted out of the household, and the rest left in the house was left to me." I interrupted him and said, "No, that's not true. I DO have something he wants." Everyone stops and looks at me (DH was in the room at this time, it was before he started screaming)......I looked him directly in the eye and said, "I found your family heirloom, that was packed away. I know you want it." He got all happy, "Oh, yes!! I want it!! It's a family heirloom, been in MY family almost 100 years.....I'm glad you found it!! I DO want it. Thank you." <p>Of course, I never intended to keep it. He wanted it before he left.....we looked for it (he told me it was because he wanted to display it).....I DID NOT KNOW he wanted it to take with him when he left, but he did!!! Anyway, he said he'd arrange a time to get it. (?) I was a little confused that he didn't want to get it THAT DAY and take it with him. No. He said he make arrangements to get it later.......hmmmmmmm. Curious.<p>Well, the majority of the "good" stuff happened after the mediation, so I will get to that. The mediation just did what mediation is supposed to do. We agreed on some stuff, and as soon as some money changes hands, we will be signing the "final" papers. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] The only good news is that the "money that needs to change hands" has to come from HIM, so I'm not exactly sure how quickly he can get it. Fairly quickly, if he can BORROW it from his family. He probably can, since he's in a BIG HURRY......he said that in the mediation, HE WANTS TO GET OUT OF THE M, QUICKLY. I guess 11 months is starting to get on his nerves....it's been that long.....I was able to string it out that long, and he's aggravated. OK. No problem. I suspect he'll have to get "exactly what he wants" before he finds out that won't solve the problems he's still running away from! ANOTHER M, ANOTHER WOMAN. He'll find out NOTHING changed, just his address!!! He's still living WITH HIM, and THAT IS WHERE THE PROBLEM LIES!!! MLC crisis, big time, too. HE COLORS HIS HAIR NOW!!!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <Good grief><p>OK, so at the end of the session, everyone got paid, and I had asked if there was a way he would talk to me for a few minutes. My atty asked HIS atty to ask him......he agreed. He came into the room I was in and we sat down, FOR THE FIRST TIME AND LOOKED EACH OTHER IN THE EYE AND TALKED. CALMLY. We talked about nothing at first,what was happening in our lives. OH!! He DID tell me I looked nice.....I had worked HARD to make that happen.....found a KILLER outfit, JUST THE RIGHT accessories......He noticed. And commented. GOOD!!! Remember, he lives w/woman who is AT LEAST 100 pounds overweight. I am at perfect weight for my height! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] OK, maybe within 20#. He also called me "Honey" several times during our talk.<p>Then, I told him that I felt like "this was a 1,000 piece puzzle, and all he'll ever give me 500 pieces, so I can't see the whole puzzle.....how can I see what is going on?" He said he didn't have all the pieces, either, so he couldn't give them to me. I disagree, but I didn't tell him that. I said, "well, you know WHERE, and WHEN, and HOW...." He still said that he didn't, and he just knew he didn't want to be married anymore....." (has become his mantra).<p>Well, anyway, more small talk, more talk about HOW we got to where we are......I realized we could continue talking about NOTHING and get NOWHERE fast, so I decided it was time to end it. Oh! He DID agree that we should have COMMUNICATED more....maybe then we wouldn't have got to this point. That the breakdown of communication caused a lot of our problems. I agreed. <p>Anyway, I got up, and said, "You've got a long drive back, so you better get going." He really didn't seem like he was in a hurry to get going. I then asked, "Do you think I could have a hug?" He said sure, and we hugged. And hugged for a long time. I started crying. I was crying and saying, "I'm so sorry I screwed up this marriage. I didn't want this to happen. Please forgive me for not being a good wife to you." HE siad, "It took both of us screwing up. I did MY share, too, and then some." But I said, "I can only ask for forgiveness for my part. It's up to you for what you did. But I didn't want to screw up my marriage. I didn't want to waste 22 years of my life and YOURS." He said it wasn't all wasted, it just got "off track" (YA THINK????)
Then he said, "Besides, if I've got cancer now, I won't be able to take care of ANYONE." (He's got a "thing" they're checking).....I SAID, "Well, that would be MY job, to take care of you if that's the case." HE said, "I don't want anyone taking care of me." I said, "YOU TOOK CARE OF ME when I had cancer surgery....." HE said, "That is a man's JOB....." < [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] ><p>We walked out of the atty's office practically arm-in-arm. I'm sure eveyrone there was TOTALLY confused. We got outside (here comes the BEST PART) and THERE, SITTING IN THE PARKING LOT WAS HIS BRAND, SPANKING NEW 2002 DODGE TRUCK!!!!!!!! HE bought a new truck, and SHE co-signed!!!!!!! NO WONDER he didn't want to give me $.<p>We spent the next 20 minutes out in the parking lot him showing off his new truck. He's gong to send me pictures of it after he gets all the fancy graphics on it (??) It will happen, his son does that....but he's putting WOLVES on it!!!! That's what he joked with me about.....see, ya gotta know the "history" to know why that's significant. HE LEFT HERE because he said he didn't want to have anything to do with the WOLVES any more (we are involved, WERE involved in wolf rescue, raising hybrids, etc.). He says part of his leaving was that he was TIRED OF THAT wanted to get AWAY from the wolves....I found out he IS keeping track of someone we know who is still involved in it. Go figure.<p>Well, so after ANOTHER 20 or so minutes of NOTHING talk, I said again, "Well, you'd better get on the road......" He agreed, AND THEN HE SAYS, "ONE MORE HUG?" So we hugged again, not to long this time (I was carrying a bag, etc. and couldn't hold on too long), and then I said, "Good bye." and turned and walked away without looking back. And he left.<p>I have done a DAMMM GOOOOD Plan A, and now I'm in Full Bore Plan B (in the sense of having NO CONTACT AT ALL). I will NOT contact him again. After that, I expect he'll have to just GO and DO exactly what he WANTS and TO HAVE exactly everything he can have before he comes to the end of this - whatever it is. The bills come due eventually for everything.<p>Those who have been "listening" to me all these months KNOW that I'm trusting God to do a work here. I do not need to use a "plan" to do this. Even if he's far away, God will work!!! OH!! Here's an example.....the new license tag on his new truck? The letters are MY NAME all jumbled up!!!! It took awhile for me to see it, so I'm sure he doesn't see it yet, either, BUT HE WILL!!! When God opens his eyes, he'll see it, and then he'll SEE MY NAME everytime he looks at his new truck!!!!!! <p>So, IF you are still reading, thank you for your prayers. I KNOW God is working, and I am at peace.

Lupo Lady,<p>God does work and you can trust HIM for everything. I'm happy to hear you are in peace.
The Lord has given you a wonderfull gift.<p>I had to laugh when you said he [B]colored his hair[/B. They think they can change their outward appearance that they will feel better about themselves and be a better person. Wrong, it starts with the Lord, and comes from the inside out. MY WH last time he was home, took me to look a toupe's !!! He actually wanted my opinion. MLC all the way.<p>God is with you Lupo Lady. Keep us posted.

Hi LL- thanks for the update on how your mediation went yesterday. I looked for it right away when I signed on here this morning. You have friends here! And you are so right when you said how all bills come due eventually. My H too was full speed for a D and very MLC- going to the gym!, bought expensive new glasses, was reading the muscle mags LOL! One therapist I saw alone during that time told me, "Your H is acting totally like a teenager!" I told her I already HAVE a teen at home who was more responsible than HIM! These guys think that another woman is the ANSWER to their MLC but really it's just a temporary fix. Eventually we all face our own demons. We come into the world alone and go out the same way! take care and I'll keep you in my prayers- lifeismessy

Lupo,<p> I am glad to hear that your strength carried you through your mediation. I think from your discription of the events that took place you handled yourself with grace and dignity. <p>Indy<p>[ April 03, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

well lupo, all things considered you have done your best, and are following your beliefs as you see them, that is all anyone can do....there should be peace and strength in that for you. Good luck, and IMO you would be well-served (at this time) by continued reading, and intospection about what life is all about and how all (relationships) this works....NOT simply waiting...ya know?

lupolady,<p>Praise the LORD, He is our best conselor and refuge. Pray for the seed of plan A that you had planted grow in your H's mind and heart. Amen -RH-

Willgetthroughthis:
Thank you for your thoughts. Well, I've now seen MLC "up close and personal" and it's actually VERY funny!!! They get SOOOO silly.......It's a good thing WOMEN don't get this far out! NOBODY'd be left to hold down the fort!!!<p>Awww. LiM, how sweet!!! Like a Soap Opera, eh? You couldn't wait for the next installment!?!? I feel like that's what my life has become....a series of "soap opera" installments.....sometimes I even wonder what's next?<p>Indy,
Thanks! "Grace and Dignity." Boy, oh, boy. If that's true, that really IS a "work of God." in me!!!!!!! Hahahaha.<p> redhat my brother:
Thank you for your comments and prayers. Yes, the seed is planted....now the TIME, and after that, the harvest!!!<p>SNL
As usual, your answer frustrates and confuses me!!! Yes, I KNOW "how all this works" - and as far as "waiting." I'd like to know???? DO YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE BETTER SERVED TO TAKE ON SOMEONE ELSE'S DISCARDED H AND START ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!? You know me long enough now to know I don't believe that is God's perfect plan for us!!!! One man, one woman, ONE MARRIAGE. For life. Period. That is His perfect plan. That is my plan for my obedience to Him. IF He wants otherwise.....then He will have to TAKE H OUT. <p>Thanks, everyone, for your prayers before the Mediation! Lil sis, Faith, I am coming to appreciate more and more your heartbreak. Thank you for taking the time to pray for ME yesterday!<p>Waiting, I appreciate your telling me God has a plan....I'm trying to "see" it, and am believing Him that He will lead me through to it's completion in HIS TIME.<p>Thank you, Tiny Dancer, TW, Jo, Pat, BIN, and Honey, too, for your prayers yesterday! I know each of your *wonderful* ladies has "been there........." and despite the pain, has taken time to put out energy to pray for ME!!!<p>My dear friend, Orchid, what can I say? I ALWAYS appreciate your friendship, your humor, your level-headed approach. Thank you soooo much.<p>Well, I had added so much more to this, and LOST it (almost) 3 times!!! So now I'm going back the original (which I had BRILLIANTLY saved) before I went to Add Reply, "JUST IN CASE." So I guess I'll jsut stick with my original thoughts, then!!!