OK you asked for it so here it is. I hadn't posted an update because I felt bad after the last one. I keep doing the same things and expecting different results (AA calls that insanity).<p>Anyway, no further contact between wife and OM. He keeps sending her e-mails- she doesn't read them (I read them). Stuff like "Happy Easter. God Bless you and your family. I am always here for you." AND "Long time, no talk. Just wondering if everything is OK. If you need a friend, just call."<p>I feel like sending him my own e-mail. Something like- "Hey $#%$#hole. Don't you get it? It's over. Get lost!"<p>But I won't get involved with OM. I realize now this is about me and my wife- nothing else.<p>Saturday morning I convinced my wife to lay naked with me in bed-with the promise of no sex. It was so wonderful to hold her after 8 1/2 months. I actually cried with joy. Of course, after a few minutes of holding her, I wanted more. She held me to my promise. It was extemely difficult. I have had very erotic dreams since (remember I have been totally abstinent since d-day-4 months).<p>Anyway, last night she actually came over and sat in my lap! (This is big. She has NEVER done this. Yet per their e-mails I discovered that she would sit in OM's lap. Apparently he is a very big guy).<p>My fear and insecurity makes me think there is an ulterior motive. So, last nite, I had myself convinced she had contacted OM and now was being nice to me to cover this up. I still don't trust her very much. And I don't trust the behaviors I actually have prayed for her to show, because they are not her normal behaviors. But I can't tell her because its a LB. Time will heal, I know.<p>Looking real forward to retreat at end of month. I am hoping that my wife will want to have SF. It will be 9 1/2 months at that point.<p>God is faithful. When I take my eyes off Him, it gets hard. When I look to Him, its much easier.<p>Thanks for your concern. I feel like I have taken much from this Forum and not given back enough. I will try to be more responsive to other's posts.<p>God Bless.<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>

huh, I can finally reply with a non-reply, cause it sounds like you are doing ok, and have banished those demons that keep messing you up to some tight box somewhere...just don't lose sight of the path as your circumstances keep changeing...the fears are normal, we all have them, about everything, especially things we can't control but are very important to us. btw I would suggest you stop focusing on sex, it is in most every post, sex is not important in the oversall scheme of things, and when you focus (as an expectation, or goal) on sex it ALWAYS messes up the process, cause now you want something for you, instead of setting your spouse free....it will come or not in due time...if not, cause she does not choose you and you divorce....if so, because she does choose you....and if you want to know your wifes heart for real, you will wait for these outcomes without projecting your needs on her...that's my opinion anyway re sex.... there should never be any expectation, and I do not think it is an EN in the sense harley says, it is something far more serious and not subject to the needs stuff.

Hey! So glad to hear from you... remember that we've all been where you are... we each follow our own unique path along parallel roads....<p>Sounds like you are doing well.
Continued Blessings to you,
Cali

hey boppo
Good to hear from you!
Just curious is your WW's e-mail account a hotmail account or other free account? if it is have you ever considered not checking it? The account will deactivate and go away after 30 days or so if it is one of those free ones.<p>-HI

SnL<p>Thanks for your reply. You are right- I guess I am overly concerned with sex. But for me- it has always been the primary expression of intimacy. I am trying to unlearn that behavior-have read alot about it. I would love to be able to express intimacy and desire for my wife-and accept it from her- in other ways.<p>Cali<p>Thanks for the blessings.<p>Hangin<p>Its an AOL account that she has used in the past to talk to family members. She hardly ever used the PC, though, until the A. That's how it started.<p>By the way-to all- I've discovered that OM is quite the PC lurker. I have watched him in chat rooms (anonymously) as he flirts with and poursues other woman. I am so glad my wife didn't end up with this loser.<p>Now, I have to be a "winner", not just for her, but for me and my kids too.

Boppo...as a WS I can suggest not to be too alarmed if she does something new, that she hasn't done before. She may just be doing things that she wanted to do all along, but didn't feel secure talking about or doing before. She's testing the waters in a way...can I do this and enjoy doing it with Boppo?