Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#990421 04/03/02 01:08 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 36
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 36
Well hubby and I are getting along great but... We went to his parents house for Easter and it was awful! My husband left with his two kids from a former marriage to pick up some groceries and his mom and sister started going on and on about how we weren't doing the right thing by his son for college. My husband thinks that he should pay 1/3, x should pay 1/3 and the son should pay 1/3. They don't think that he should have to work and that we aren't being good parents. Now I told them exactly what my husband had told his ex and said it was his decision. I don't want to get in the middle of this. Well, after we left (of course I am leaving out a lot but they questioned me about it for at least 30 minutes) I told my husband what was said. He was furious. I told him just to drop it but he didn't. This has happened several times before and he droped it. He emailed them after we got home telling them point by point why he had made those decisions and to please stay out of it and if they wanted to talk about it come to him not me. Well, his mom and sister got really mad. They have been emailing us back and forth for 2 days now in all out war. I tried to explain my side of it and all they can do is come up with past stuff to throw in my face. I really don't know what to do about this. I have never had a fight with the in laws and don't know quite what to do. I emailed them trying to explain things then his sister attacked my husband. I sent a email back defending him and it made her and his mother even madder at me. I have not sent anything since. I am letting my husband take it from here. I read him both emails before I sent them and got his OK. My hubby is defending me against them and telling them that they aren't allowed to treat me this way. He told them that he loves me and nothing will ever change that and if they can't treat me well and apologize for there actions there is nothing else to say. I just feel awful about all of this. I am not to blame but they sure are heaping it up on me. I am afraid that when all of this is said and done my husband is going to end up mad at me. I told him I wanted him to make up with them and that I love him and will stand beside him. What do I do? This is an impossible situation!
Someone please tell me what I am supposed to do!

#990422 04/02/02 02:11 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 148
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 148
I have in-law probs as well, only mine are always in my business and no matter what I do it's not good enough. I think it's great that your H stands up for you in situations like this, mine is still scared stiff and feels like a little boy. <p>My opinion to you is to stay out of it completely. Let your H handle it. And in my opinion, really it's none of the in-law's business what H wants to do with son's college $$ and how to pay for it. They are just being controlling and dominant. They need to back off and let things be. It's not their life and if they don't like it , well, they can pay for it all.

#990423 04/02/02 02:35 PM
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 785
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 785
Hi Lorisue!
Its been a while! Im glad things have gotten better with you and your H. <p>About the inlaws.. hmm sorry I dont have any good advice regarding that.. I will defer that to the other MB'ers who have kids.
Just wanted to say Hi and welcome back!<p>-HI

#990424 04/02/02 03:04 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,086
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,086
The way to handle in-laws is always the same--in a nutshell, stay out of it. For future reference, when they start in about something like that, your answer should always be, "You'll need to talk to H about that." Blah, blah, blah. "MmmHmm. As I said, you'll need to talk to H about that." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. "Regardless, you'll need to talk to H about that." etc.<p>So, now you know how to handle it in the future. For where it is now, you can still do the same thing. Don't take any bait. Any Emails they send you, forward them to your H, and send them a copy of the forwarded message along with a short note letting them know that you've forwarded their Email to him for consideration since he is the one they need to communicate with about it.<p>I would just become a brick wall and broken record. Be a support system to your H as he deals with their interference, but let him fight the battles on the front line.<p>And if I was advising your H, I'd encourage him to do the same: "I hear you, mom/sister. Nevertheless, this is the way I'm going to handle it." Blah, blah, blah. "MmmHmm. Regardless, I am going to handle it this way." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. "As I said, I'm going to handle the way I've decided to handle it. Anything else?"<p>And as far as any slandering of you: "Lorisue is my wife. I love her and will not tolerate you being disrespectful of her. If you do so again, this conversation will be over." Well, Lorisue did this and Lorisue did that. "Click."<p>Bottom line, it is none of their business.

#990425 04/02/02 03:49 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,815
G
Member
Member
G Offline
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,815
Lorisue,
Great advice above. You must stay out of it. You do not deserve to be treated this way or put in the middle of it. I gave up many years ago trying to be accepted by my H's family, I do what I need to do to be civil, but that's it. You say that your H is supporting you, good for him! So many men do not realize that when they get married, their wife is their primary family. <p>It is so sad when families decide that for whatever reason, they should get into each other's business. Your H has done the right thing, now you need to step back and see what happens. While I do not want a "relationship" with my in-laws, I will not come between my H and them. It is a very fine line and you don't want to be the reason for any discord. If they become estranged, I will be blamed...<p>Well, just my thoughts... It is not easy to be put in your situation. I had to decide that certain relationships were damaging to me, and simply not pursue them. The most important thing is that you and your H remain a team.<p>Prayers to you, Ladysing

#990426 04/02/02 04:05 PM
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 785
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 785
GREAT advice Conqueror.

#990427 04/02/02 08:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 36
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 36
Thank you for the advice. I have not emailed them since the second letter and I have forwarded all others to my husband. He has taken it on. It was never about his children in my opionion they just used it to start this war. The kids are not even being mentioned anymore it is all about what an awful mother/stepmother I am and things like that. But not out right. You know what I mean. Sarcastic and insinuations and that type of thing. I have told my husband that I want him to make up and do not want to come between them. I told him I wanted him and the kids to have relationships with them and that I would never come between them or make them feel awkard for any relationship they have with them. He has said that if they can't treat me like I should be treated then he doesn't want a relationship with them. I am very glad that he is standing up for me but also scared where this is all going to go.
I guess there is really nothing else to do besides sit and wait and see what happens. I am not sure that even if they apologize that I can be around them. A relationship with them is just not good for me anymore I don't think.
Thank you for your help!


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,035 guests, and 71 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Zion9038xe, renki, Gocroswell, Allen Inverson, Logan bauer
72,026 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by rossini - 07/20/25 10:36 AM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by leemc - 07/18/25 10:58 AM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Spying husband arrested
by coooper - 06/24/25 09:19 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,520
Members72,026
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0