Some of you know my story. I don't post very often, but I do check in pretty regularly. As background WS and I started with a new MC recently. I told WS we either continued counseling or I was filing. WS has a personality disorder, and I've been told by my IC that if we stay together, WS will never meet my needs and never be there for me. WS is not capable of doing that. I went to new MC mainly to see if the diagnosis would be the same and what would be "as good as it gets". In other words, what could new MC do for us....could he help WS to understand what S's behavior was doing to the two of us? Could MC help WS to see that a decision needed to be made to stay or to go; that WS couldn't have both?<p>Well, we met separately and now together. MC told us we cannot bring up anything from the past in our sessions. We've been together for a long time, and there have been a multitude of lies about OW and money, etc., and I am having a very hard time dealing with this. MC said I need to work with IC on this and that any issues I'm having with this are MY issues and I need to deal with him. WE need to work on our marriage. <p>What do you guys think about this? I've been told it will be impossible for my WS to tell me the truth about any A's due to S's PD, but I'm having a really hard time reconciling all this.

Good counselors are hard to find!! We have been to about 12 before we found this one who is really good - she uses Imago Therapy (I'm in Houston if you need a referral). I think you should keep shopping. What kind of personality disorder? Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind" I think personality disorders are rough but there is medication and coping skills someone can learn to function in society. <p>What is the MC reasoning? Maybe you could try his method for a short while and see what happens. My guess is you probably have PLENTY of daily issues to deal with if the point is to not beat your WS over the head with passed issues but there should be a time when you both can talk about it openly. Like agree to not talk about it for 2 or 4 months. The bottom line is the longterm goal would be healing on both your parts - if you can't talk about it that means it is still a deep wound. People who have healed through it are able to talk about it openly.