I spoke with my husband yesterday and told him that I needed some closure and that this has been going on too long. This was after he sent me an email saying hello.
He informed me that he wanted a divorce and he wanted to do it thru mediation. He said the only reason why he hasn't filed is because he has not had the money.<p>He then asked me where was I in the marriage. I advised him that I have been getting counseling and working on myself. I told him I forgive him and that I still loved him. I told him that I wanted our marriage to work out. <p>He told me that he was SURPRISED that I still wanted the marriage because of all that has happened and the fact that we have not spoken in over a month. I told him that did not change my feelings and we have made vows to God. <p>He told me that he is not 100% sure that he wants a divorce but he is definitely leaning that way. <p>What are your thoughts?

It's surprising I guess that someone would think that a month could make that much difference in the span of a long-term relationship.<p>I am in the same boat with my W in that I want to work on it and would like to restore the relationship but it can't be done alone.<p>I guess you need to see what your H's commitment is toward the marriage.<p>In the meantime keep working on you.<p>Good luck <p>E

Thanks Elad! That is exactly what I am doing outside of praying for him.

Morton, <p>I think that sometimes the WS will use the Dv topic to protect themselves. Especially when we take a step (or several) away from them. At first we BSs seem to be so adament that we want to save the marriage. We do everything to get them to see how much we want the marriage, then out of the blue we step away. The first time I put some emotional distance between my WH and myself he waited about 12 days and then called and yelled at me and told me he was going to file. That was 6/6/01. Still no papers. <p>I think that they are afraid we changed our minds and they are throwing that out to get a reaction. You handled things well by letting him know that you still wanted the marriage. This gave him some comfort and then he can tell you he is not 100% sure.<p>I can't say I understand what the WS is doing, but after a year of this I do start to notice when another WS is doing something mine has done.<p>Hang in there.
Sinking

Sinking,<p>See the difference there is that I am ALWAYS the one to run him down and call him to death to reconcile when we argue. However, this time when he left I have not called him or emailed him.<p>He made another statement to me that he thought I was moving on because I would never be home. I said to myself, what in the hell do you want me to do?<p>I sent him an email today reminding him of the good times. I listed each one out. <p>My point is that I am just being totally positive and not saying or doing anything negative. That is killing him because I normally do the opposite. I could tell when I talked to him yesterday, that he did not know how to take me.<p>His sister told him that he better wake up quick or else he will be out of the marriage like he was the first time. By the time he realized he wanted to stay, his ex-wife had moved on.

I also sent him an email about counseling but of course he didn't respond.

I don't know your story but are you in plan A still? I feel like I am in the same position as you are in that I try to tell my WW too often how much I want to save our marriage. Maybe the best thing to do is "act" as you are moving on enjoying life without them. It sounds like you are trying that and maybe your husband is starting to see the changes in you. Keep up your efforts and do something for YOU [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] I started tanning (I live in AK), exercising to get ready for summer activities, and get a massage twice a month!

MT in AK,<p>You are absolutely right. Yesterday was the first time I have spoken to him in over a month. I do not attempt contact with him at all. I know that bothers him because I have done the opposite in the past.

morton, since he's experienced this once before, he may approach it differently this time. He may decide he'd better jump back in there before he's left out in the cold like before. Just remember "we want what we can't have." He's at a point where he thinks he might not can have you anymore.

jamup,<p>I don't think that he wants me. I told him that I wanted to work this out and he is welcome to come home. I dunno. This is my first marriage and first time being in love.