I think I just screwed up. I have been checking on my H and where he has been on the internet. I knew that he was registered on Classmates.com and he knew I was also. I decided to register under a different name and check the message boards for that school. He logged on and he saw my alias name there.
Now he knows that I have been checking.
He did not say anything about knowing, Now what do I do?

I don't know your story. Has your H ever had an affair? If so, as part of the policy of radical honesty and policy of joint agreement...to me...snooping is a given and it helps rebuild trust. My H knows I snoop. I don't trust him because he has been untrustworthy. I don't snoop nearly as much as I once did but I will probably always snoop for the rest of our married life every couple months or so.

Yes, my H had a week long affair with a family friend when he was back home this summer. I have not always been so suspecious and snoopy. I feel really bad, or maybe I feel so bad that now he knows. He probably knew all along. How do I explain to him why?
One time I found a couple of pictures of them together and I told him that I found them. He said what you have been going through my things? I said, you have been cheating what is worse?
At that time it was right after it happened.
I have told him several times that he could leave if he wanted to. I told him recently that if you do not love me, then leave me.
He said the other day that he feels like we have been living like we have been seperated for the past two years.
This time I did not tell him he was wrong. I said said okay those are you feelings, now, what can we do about it?
He did not say anything.
He said one time I love you but I am not in love with you. I do not think that I can be happy here or away.
I am not sure of how to tell him about why I was snooping?

I think you should tell him you are committed to recovering your marriage but that in order to do that trust needs to be rebuilt. Snooping can be a positive thing, you can catch him doing something right. The point is to be honest with him. In order to protect yourself snooping is necessary. Are you two in counseling?

no we are not. He is in the withdrawl stage and he does not know it. I do.

Snooping while in the shock of learning of the A is normal. You are protecting yourself from the unknown. Your H will try to make you out to be the bad guy. <p>When I was accused of this, I reversed the roles and asked what would U do? H said, he would have snooped and kicked me out. Ok, now I knew he knew what he would do, so whatever I chose would have to be acceptable if it wasn't as harsh as his way. Role reversal was just to get him to be less defensive. The WS' do that to divert attention from them. Then they start to babble. <p>Make your apologies as needed but don't take all the blame. My H also said our entire 10 years was a lie. Then he said he said that because that is what the OW told him. The OW never knew me and still doesn't. Is she psycic? No just psyco but he couldn't see that at the beginning. <p>For now, you have some homework. Read all the info here. Find the book his needs/her needs and read it. Get a counseling session or 2 with Jennifer or Steve. See if you and your H can do the emotional needs questionnaire together. <p>L.

azwoman, if you have good reason to distrust him then you should be snooping. It is your responsibility to protect yourself against a spouse who has violated your trust in the past. Don't say anything. But don't stop doing it and don't defend yourself if he accuses you of snooping. <p>Just say, of course I snoop - I would be crazy to trust an untrustworthy person and until you reprove yourself, I will continue to check up on you to make sure you are not doing things to harm me again.<p>You have nothing to feel guilty about - HE DOES for putting you in this position. Just remember, your spouse is not entitled to the privacy to destroy you.

might I suggest a good spy software program that will record every website and every chat and every key stroke and works undetected? It is called starr spy software and you can buy it online for $40 at www.iopus.com. That way you won't have to follow him into forums to check up on him. You could install it without him knowing and this would be a great protection for you. <p>Also, I would be very leery, if I were you, if he objects to your checking up on him. People who have nothing to hide, do not hide.