Returned, back to reality with a thud. H sent sms saying to stop playing games and leave him alone. I don't know what the **** is going on. I haven't done anything. MIL rang me and gave me the third degree.<p>Cairns and diving was a little too good I'm afraid, its changed my life. Tomorrow I'm asking for 6 months or a year leave from work and if I can, I'm off - going walkabout. Going back to Cairns-life is very different there. People are much friendlier. I really want to break free, more than anything I have ever wanted to do, I want to do this. I have to go, I'm busting to go.<p>I've emailed the lawyer to start financial separation. My H will be very angry, and will try to stop me, but I really have to go.<p>I got confirmation he and her had sex. This was while he was having sex with me. He put me at risk, he didn't care. I resent all this, I am hurting again, and I don't want to. I hate feeling like this. I hate that he dosen't love me, or want me, I hate that he was my life, he was all I ever needed and he rejected me for no reason.<p>I don't want to see him again. I'm scared of who he is now and scare of my reactions to him. I'm such a mess right now and its his fault. I really resent that.

Seahorse,
You sound very strong and I think your decisions are reasonable. <p>I think many of us could have used a 6 month walk-about...take it for us...and tell us about it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ?

You sound strong and purposeful.<p>I think you are protecting yourself -- and if its Plan B time, then going "walkabout" is about the best thing you can do for you!<p>Can you tell us more about your plans? Will you travel, relocate, wander?<p>It sounds fun!

Hi Liz - sorry to read the end of your holiday was tarnished.<p>If I was as young as you with no children, I think I'd be doing the same things - taking steps to move on. Heck, I didn't even get married until I was 30.<p>Regardless of where your head is about whether you want to recover your marriage or not, the legal steps seem necessary as well as the "escape." I believe you've communicated all you need to to your H. You may have even done enough Plan A, although its on the short side. But it sounds like you're ready for Plan B and it fits with your desire to escape. <p>I'm convinced that perhaps the best course of action for a BS after they've made clear their willingness to reconcile and demonstrated their self improvements is to find a way to distract themselves while the WSs rearrange their brains. There is absolutely nothing a BS can do - short of murder - to end an affair.<p>So, if you think you're ready, write a Plan B letter and have it ready for when he returns. Give him a day or so to see if he's escaped control of the Mothership and, if not, implement Plan B. It'll help during the legal squabbles.<p>Keep us updated, OK?<p>Dave