I was chatting with a friend online, going on about my new single guy and how great he was. I also kept saying how glad I was that this was real, as opposed to the loser I was involved with (I was OW in an internet affair). And out of the blue this new screen popped up. It was xMM, IMing me. After we both had agreed no contact and had had a pretty bad ending (mostly me bawling, him acting indifferent). He IM's me, saying I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I wanted to say hi. I do not respond. I am stunned. I am in shock. I am shaking. Something in my body tells me that he is bad for me and I am finally listening. I am about to respond "I am not doing this." and then logging off, when he IMs me and says "You don't have to respond, I just wanted to say hi." Then he logs off. I am glad that he is gone and that I didn't even respond to his IM with "go away." I think no response was better. But why did I want to respond with even, "I'm not doing this."??<p>Just wanted to share that sometimes it's the MM who won't leave the OW alone...<p>Peace...

Simple response.....if you really want him out of your life, then change your handle/screen name. End of story.

Shannon~<p>You did great and not responding was correct. At some point he meant a lot to you, so it tugged at your heart. It seemed like he was testing the waters and maybe things are not good at home right now.<p>You deserve better and you have someone in your life that is special. <p>Good luck.<p>[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: bighope ]</p>

Actually dont change your screen name. block his.
If its AOL
right click on buddy list click on preferances->privacy
and add him to the Block list.
It doesnt show you when he comes on and can cannot see when you are on either.<p>Good job though not responding.<p>-HI

Change your screen name- why do you even want to go through that rattled feeling? And changing your screen name sends a message to him. That you're not even interested in getting his IM'd Hi.
It is good that you didn't respond to him.But better yet to not even allow contact.
Think about your new guy. And imagine if you got serious, got married, even had kids. How would you feel if he was IMing someone? And what would you think of the woman that corresponded with him, knowing he was married.
And think also- you're trying to get to know someone else. Who you also got to know over the internet. How would he feel, if on date #3, you said, well there's an xMM of mine still IMing me and I won't change my screen name because ???why??? Change your screen name, people do it all the time.

oops I didn't see HI's response. The block is also a good idea. Anyway, the best way to show him you're not interested is to make it impossible for him to contact you.

I agree with what everyone else has told you. In my case, xOM IM'd when H was "chatting" with a friend. He was quite rude, as we(H and I) supposedly ruined xOM's life when the A became public on D-day. He saw our screen name, IM'd some rude comments and we not only blocked his name, but also changed ours! So, there is no way he can ever contact us, at least on IM ever again! Hopefully he will never try to send any snail mail, and it's been over a yr and a half since the IM incedent with no word, so I'm pretty confident it worked!

Thanks guys. I didn't change my screen name due to the fact that I have a lot of real life friends who know it...I just now put xMM on block...I am now seriously considering changing the screen name because I don't even want to see his username on my block list...<p>Thanks for the advice...am working this through...

Shannon,<p>While changing you user name will be a hassel, it will be well worth it. You just don't need the negativity in your life.<p>One thought that occured to me is that if he ever does contact you again, that would be the time to tell him that you will contact his wife and inform her of the affair if you ever see him or hear from him again. It just might make him understand that you mean business.

zorweb-
I have definitely thought about doing that. I guess I am afraid of being "mean." I am afraid of having this whole thing blow up in my face right before I start my new life and career...<p>by they way, things are going great with single guy!<p>I'm not letting the married loser bring me down!!!!

Shannon-
Sure I will get some flack from other MB'ers about this, BUT....<p>Being the BS in an internet affair I would like to have someone like yourself contact me if my H tried to make contact again. You definitely did the right thing by blowing off this loser, but if possible I would turn him in!<p>That's my thoughts!
Tracie

Tracie -
I have dreamed of blowing his [censored] out of the water. The thing is, she has no idea at all. I don't think it's my place to tell her. Also, I personally wouldn't want any of my friends/family to know...it's best to let sleeping dogs lie...

WOW! Does this sound familiar!! A week ago I found out my husband was doing this exact thing. He started out in chatrooms called Flirt, Flirt with Me, Adult Playground you get the picture. Anyway, while in one he started having a conversation with "Lisa" and she sent him her pic. However, he told he he was not married and had no kids. (We have been married 16 years and have 3 kids and i thought i could trust him) Anyway, he asked if he could add her to his contact list on MSN and then they started chatting for hours almost every night for a couple of weeks until I found out.(He was at work on the computer-and i thought he was actually working)So I got his pw and changed it and kept logging onto his MSN acct and finally she logged on and we started talking, I was pretending to be him (I wanted to see if it was as "innocent" as he said it was - well it wasn't). To make a long story short, I actually started talking to her on my own MSN to find out everything that had went on because she did not want to have nothing to do with him in that sense. I asked her if she would block him and not talk to him and she did. He still tried to contact her with emails but she always told me everything. He was always caught each time. I just thank God that "Lisa" was a decent person and understood the situation and helped me to deal with it by answering questions he was unwilling to answer and cutting off all communication with him. But I know he still would like to talk to her "as just friends" because he asked me if he could. HELLO! I'm not stupid, you have a crush on her and you think it's ok to chat with her I don't think so! I hope I can believe him again and trust again. <p>I think if he trys to contact you more than once then you definitely need to change your username and email. If I was his wife I definitely would want to know about it.