When the sh** started hitting the fan. I thought that I was going crazy. Everything I put the most faith in was being taken away from me. I felt like I lost my security, lover, bestfriend, companion and my soul.
I did not look for help immediately I did not even know that these kinds of sites existed. I went through the weight lose, no sleep and crying all the time. I started drinking and tried to pull back from the situation. None of it of course worked.
I love my H very much. We did not marry each other for the wrong reasons. We had the same values and out look on life. We had personalities that complimented each others. We had similiar likes and dislikes. We bonded with each other. For me I did not fall in love with him I grew into loving him. I wanted to make sure that it was not infatuation. I was not disappointed.
Anyways now I am here today. I have been visiting these boards for awhile and I have posted a couple of questions.
He gave me the excuses like I love you but I am not in love with you. I do not think that I can be happy here or away. Lets just be roomates. The other day he said he felt like we have been living like we are seperated. He said if I would have given him more attention or did X he would not have been so drawn to the OP. I told him that he was wrong, that those were only excuses to make him feel better about what he did.
Now we are at the point to where he does not talk to me about how he feels. I am left wondering what in the hell he feels now. We go out, eat dinner etc. movies. We spend time together but it is like he is not there. We used to go out have a good time laugh and talk etc....
Now he just sits there and does not talk. I guess in a way it is my fault. At first when we would go out I would try to talk to him about what happened. We would end up fighting because he said I was trying to pick a fight. I keep on being up the past.
Now I ask him is there anyting you would like to talk about? He says. no. ETC...
How do I get him to start talking to me again?

Welcome azwoman...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>How do you get you H to talk to you...
...by making a safe non-threatening environment for him...
...and asking for the save form him.<p>You have my prayers.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

I do believe that the affair is ended but I found that he bought a phone card. I know that he has told a friend of ours that he needs to put things to rest with the OP. I do not know if he has done that yet. He talks to our friend more then he talks to me. He told the friend that it was stupid, that there is no way that he could ever be happy with the OP. They are total opposites. One thing did bother me though he did not tell our friend that he did not love the OP. He told the friend that he loves me. Why can't he tell me these things?

Ideally, starting counseling would help alot... especially MB based counseling.<p>He would see your seriousness, if you started the ball moving on this...<p>I would recommend that you have a couple of telephone counseling sessions (~$145US a pop... but well worth it) with Steven W. Harley or Jennifer Harley. Check out the Counseling Center... and for some specifics... Fees for Counseling Services and Scheduling an Appointment (888-639-1639)! Also check out the post looking for a counselor&#8230;..zorweb/K&#8230;..5/11/2001<p>Plan A as much as you can... in the mean time!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

First you need to be pleased that you have someone that is willing to work at saving his marriage. But when his thoughts seem far away, you immediately assume they are on the OW. Maybe he's thinking about the good days before he screwed them up. Maybe he's pining for the way things used to be between the 2 of you. We've all been in situations where we needed to say something, but didn't know exactly how to say it, or weren't sure we should say it. - In years past, how has he coaxed these things out of you? Use his method on him. Ask him what's on his mind, and when he clams up, take him by the hand, hug him, whatever. Show him that you notice his turmoil and that you care. Then you might add in a sweet wifey way that communication is the key to fixing things. Best wishes to you.