I need to post this to let you all know where I am and to show me too.<p>My wife and I sold our house in the country and moved. Me into town and her outside off town but in same school district. The kids' schools did not change. <p>Before the move my wife was going through withdrawl and was so uncertain what she wanted. OM's sister called W and told her OM had girlfriend and they werre talking about getting married already. This all trough wife for a loop. She said for the longest time if he walked through the door she would want to go with him. (is this to keep him from girlfriend?). I have been able to do fairly well being supportive of her and she has talked to me finally about how she feels,not the way I would like her feel at first, but I won't argue with her about how she feels.<p>She asked if we could separate, that she didn't know what she wanted. I said I could support that with a few conditions. First we would each live alone, plus each have the kids 1/2 of each week. I needed to know every time OM calls her and if she ever calls him. He called her 3 times since September. She was told by him he was moving to CO to live with hes sister, he moved instead to PA to be with a girlfriend. She said she isn't going to call him and will tell me if he calls her. Told me "you must be happy now that he dumped me and ran away" I told her I am never happy to see her hurt, but I can only be careful of what I do I can't control what others do.
Before we moved we were sleeping in the same bed, no relations but talking and keeping each other company. We stayed up late some nights with a glass, or 2, or 3, of wine. We wee talking better than we had in a long time.
She has repeatedly questioned if selling the house was the right thing to do an I have told her we need to sell it, too much work and money and not enough time for us.
Moving was to let us find the "people we were before and find out who we are. My wife made it clear she needs to do things for herself and feel good about herself again.
Since the move she cameto the conclusion she needs help, I told her if she wants my help I will help if asked. I have been putting up shelves, venting dryer, and misc other things. She has done my laundry, cut my hair/trimmed mustache, and had me over for meals.
She asked if I would help her pick out wall valets for her bathrooms.
I have backed off most physical contact with her. Last week on day I said "I just wish I could hug you" she said go ahead. We had a 2 minute hug,what a feeling. I kiss her good bye most times I leave, and she seems to be waiting for the kiss. we are getting closer and boy do I want to rush but need to hold back. <p>Is there anyone who has gone through this type of thing and has gotten back together and what helped the most?<p>I know this is long but is good for me to get it out. Thanks
D

Daniel---I am not where you are at so I don't understand how long this process takes but it sounds like many positive things are happening. You are working in the best interest of your
children so that deserves a contragulations. The least amount of changes for them the better. Also the fact that you can provide equal time with the kids is very stabilizing for them in a time of such uncertainty. <p>No one knows what choices another will make but I think whatever way things go, you will feel good about yourself and what you have done to support your marriage vows and keep your kids healthy. <p>I think we all have to learn that another person does not make us complete and I know that is a lesson I am trying to get clearer on.<p>So God bless you and keep doing positive things without pressure....you can only benefit from that.<p>TW

Hi Daniel,
It sounds like you are doing a tremendous job with Plan A. You are sincere and loving but with boundaries. GREAT JOB!! IMHO the fact that your wife recognizes the fact she needs help is a very positive sign. No matter what happens, you will know that you have done the best that you could do without pressure or guilt. You are a strong, loving man and I really believe your wife will see what she is throwing away. My thoughts and prayers are with you! God bless and good luck!
BH

tossedwave, I do try my best to keep the kids in mind. I think they are probably unsure what to think, and are afraid to complain. My wife forgot to call the taxi on wed. to pick up son at school, he walked up to taxi and they didn't have him on list but took him home. Then thurs. I forgot about early release day at son's school. teacher called taxi to pick him up. I called taxi and they said "Oh he's being taken home now. Son told me "I wish you and mom would grow up You act like kids sometimes" then he said "I shouldn't have said that." I told him I need to know what is on his mind or I can only guess what he needs. I have to be patient with them too.
Brokenhearted, I can see she is very torn. One minute she says she needs to be independant and is capable of doing things herself, then she gets down on herself for having to have me do things for her. I told her we all have our strengths.
She showed me the curtains and bedspreads she got in the kids rooms, and the bathroom stuff. I was there to put up the wall valets I helped pick out the night before. When I was leaving, I told her I was proud of her. I see how close we can be.<p>Thanks for your kind words.<p>D