Bear with me - this will take a few minutes to get to the question.<p>My son, au pair (nanny, Taz), and I recently drove from the US D.C. area to central Florida and back to visit my Dad and go fishing for spring break (the fishing was terrific, but the catching was just OK [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ). We also took in a day at Disney for Taz, since she goes back to Australia in early June.<p>We drove 15 hours down and back to save the expense of flying and also to give Taz a look at a big swatch of the east coast. (I did veto stopping at South of the Border [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Along those open stretches of I-95 in North and South Carolina, where the speed limit is 70 mph for miles and miles of flat, straight, smooth highway, the following situation frequently comes up: You come upon a car in the right lane going just a little slower than most others and a single file parade forms in the left lane to get around it. Sometimes the parade gets long, but for us, the traffic wasn't so bad, and usually only about four or five cars ended up single file to get around the slow car. But, invariably, some jerk comes right up behind the slow car and wants to juke his way into the line instead of waiting his turn - usually nosing in without even asking permission with his turn signal.<p>I don't know about you, but this really irks me, and not just for the unsafeness of it. <p>These people seem to believe they don't have to consider others and are entitled to put their needs at the "front" of the line. They don't "have" to follow the rules. They're special. I guess their "jerk gene" is dominant. My wife's OM has this dominant gene. His sense of entitlement always irked me - long before he became OM.<p>Looking back to an occasion during my Plan A, I recall a similar situation that came up when my wife was driving us to her sister's home for Thanksgiving. We came upon a line of cars merging into a ramp to get on an interstate highway - you know, where everyone lines up in the ramp lane but some realize before its too late that they should have gotten in line a ways back and end up trying to fit in. Well, my wife, very uncharacteristically, intentionally didn't get in line and passed all of them on the left, looking, I thought, for a spot to squeeze in. But, she passed several open spaces, opting instead to get further toward the front of the line. I was so embarrassed that I ducked down so no one could see me.<p>She said, "Well, if you're gonna cheat - cheat good!"<p> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I vividly recall my reaction, "Wow - she picked this up from OM." Of course, I didn't say anything.<p>So, what personality trait is this? Arrogance? Entitlement? Pushy? Or just being a jerk?<p>Secondly, have any of you identified specific, new character traits in your WS that they maybe acquired from OP? Or were these characteristics always present, just suppressed for some reason - like due to rationality or the dominance of the right-vs-wrong gene?

my spouse is now into darts and drinking way more than before he met this woman from hell... of poor moral character... but I think he feels bad deep down.... maybe? in some ways because he lies about things still.... <p>he is still lying about things he does that he knows are wrong... so yesterday I read something...<p>people will lie about what they know is wrong that they are doing... <p>well, your ws is not lying here... but new personality ideas... bad ones.... <p>i think the moral slumming kind of goes with the whole idea of an A.... so this is where ws has been... hopefully they will come back to pre a personality... I have heard .... a leopard does not change it's spots... you can pick up bad habits from "friends" as well as good ones... that is why it is better to assoc. up and with good then down with the badd... they will pull you into the gutter.. .my mom always sd... you pull people up do not let them pull you down... think about that one...<p>I hope your ws goes back to preA lifestyle and personality it just may take a little time after slumming in the gutter... and literaly lying down in the gutter... sorry to be so blunt... <p>but that is how my mil put it...a bout my h... if he wants to lie in the gutter than let him... eventually he will tire of it because what he has always had is nice, and that included you..<p>On a diff. note... I have really been wanting an au pair... how and what agency or arragnement did you use... this would be a god send with my single mom hood... which is killing me... please let me know if you have any info you could help me with lbarfield@houston.rr.com thanks a million and good luck, HONEY [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

well this om gets in line, and I hate people that do what you just described......I do appreciate that on occassion time is of the essence, so I try to assume someone needs to get somewhere (I do that instead of ramming their car [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] )...and if I do, then I go to the head of line, but I turn on turn signal and wait for some kind soul to let me in.....just as I would them.

Hi,<p>My H was always in the heavy metal rock music, now he listens to oldies and has started driving very slow. He used to say I drove too slow, now he says I have a lead foot!<p>Also, the OW is very religious (pretty hypocritical if I say so myself), so now my H doesn't swear like he used to and doesn't seem as interested in looking at things like the Victoria's Secret catalogs or those not too nice movies on Cinemax (completely different for him). She apparently considers all that terrible. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 05, 2002: Message edited by: hurtandafraid ]</p>

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[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]
[img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ok, WAT, since I tend to do this sometimes, I call it being "smart", and trying to beat the "system". I don't think I'm being un-safe or rude when I do it, so I may NOT be one of those that you are referring to - that irk you. But there's one or two of those ramp spots here, that I come around the side and say, "oops! I forgot I'm supposed to get off here! soooo sorry!!!" I simply don't like to sit and wait in line, especially if the people up front are sitting there picking their nose and leaving gaps in the line that I could easily slip into, without hurting or inconveniencing anyone. I hate to miss a green light cuz someone's taking their time. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] But I don't hop right over and cause someone to slam on their brakes or swerve over. I turn on my signal, and merge in gently.<p>Just a different perspective maybe. Maybe that is my "jerk gene" itching to the surface. I prefer to think it's just being in a hurry, and trying to outsmart everyone else. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <sorry><p>On to the other question: My XH has exhibited "new" traits since the A. I believe most of them were suppressed - as I remember some of them from long ago - the college days. I thought he had "out-grown" some of them, or suppressed them or gotten rid of some of them to become a better man. Drinking, partying, griping, complaining, cursing, irresponsible with his money, etc. The last time we attempted a date before he left for good, I ordered a drink, and he said, "I don't drink anymore". 2 weekends later (out of the house now, and living with OW), I talked to him on a Sunday afternoon, and he was complaining of a hangover!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 05, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

WAT, odd that you should bring this topic up. My H and I were discussing this very topic this morning.<p>We will be leaving our little town and traveling to the "big city" next week for a doctor's appointment. We were talking about what time we need to leave, road conditions, traffic etc. I said to my H "there's a bit of construction going on so we should leave early". H replied, "yeah it's pretty bad I hear. I'll have to bogart my way in". I asked him if that gave him a feeling of power or if it was just done to terrorize me. He replied, "hey when you're a C (our last name) you get special privileges in the world". I rolled my eyes and walked away.<p>Thinking back he has used that line many, many times so I think it must be, as you say, a feeling of entitlement coupled with a bit of arrogance. This is similar to what I think of people who have A's also. They feel they are entitled to more than they have and their arrogance allows them to believe that it's their right.<p>
That's not to say that every arrogant person will have an A nor does it mean every person who "steals" a lane change is arrogant. Just my thoughts on this [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I&#8217;ll play &#8230;<p>Being from the renown &#8220;Merged-Challenged&#8221; State of WA, I have to contribute.<p>I never take frontsies unless absolutely necessary, but it&#8217;s so very tempting knowing 99.9% of the drivers here appear brain-dead when it comes to negotiating an on-ramp, or off-ramp for that matter. Ooooooo, I&#8217;m being such a meanie!<p>Anyhooo, as far as monumental characteristic changes in the WS &#8230;. Uh huh, my ex-H exhibited several. And here they are:<p>~ Started eating Pork (for 20+ years we only ate sea food / poultry)
~ Started regularly cursing and swearing
~ Became a fast food junkie (was Mr. Tofu and Soy)
~ Became a South Park & Ren and Stempy fan (he use to say they were disrespectful, and use to watch things like Law and Order & the Practice)
~ Started lying to save $$ (Auto Ins., IRS, College, etc.)<p>Good thread, Dave. Thanks!<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ April 05, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hey Dave - <p>I'll play and then I'll tell you what this reminds me of. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I don't know about the "aquired" part. I think there is a certain nervous energy that happens when someone is having an affair. He/she is breaking the rules and getting away with it for the most part. It feels good. Bending the moral rules, so to speak. Why not bend other rules? It's part of that whole attitude change. <p>Ok. If I didn't totally make you scratch your head on that one...... This thread reminds me of the good ol' days when you used to analyze and reanalyze EVERYTHING. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Yep, cleo, you're still right and I still adore you!<p>Still ANALyzing,
Dave

Hmmmm..Now that you mention it.........<p>I've noticed that H has alot more "road rage" than pre chat line. Maybe b'cuz he had to rush around to meet the on line girls, and still get home on time to not make me think anything was going on. <p>Also I've noticed that he is listening to "young" music alot lately, Bittany Spears etc., he never liked that music before...always been into the agressive music....A complete turn around...maybe b'cuz his chat line little girls (average age 20 yrs) find this music appealing....or all of a sudden he finds Brittney Spears "talented"..... Ha Ha...that girl has no talent...only big boobs and a good Marketing Manager.

Yep Dave,<p>You are on to something. I didn't really take notice until it was too late, but, the X wanted to buy a pick up truck after she crashed the Stealth. Um.., a pick up? for what? Well her response was that just in case we needed to carry something large that wouldn't fit in my car. Crips, I had a Z-28, nothing fits in there. I reminded her that I believe that a company called U-Haul rents such vehicles to carry large loads.<p>I also noticed that she started listening to country music. She never listened to that stuff. Um... what is up with this? No offence, but, my thought... If it ain't metal, it's crap!!!<p>I later learned that [gee, guess what?] the OM has a pick up truck and listens to country. Shock of all shocks!!!<p>I also noticed her using catch phrases that were not familiar with her personality. Kind of dumbed down verbage that would not normally come out of her mouth.<p>Well, like my license plate on my D present states... "XWS LOSS"<p>I was too emotionally involved at the time to see the changes she exhibited, now I can see clearly. I should write a song like that!

Oops, I'm the one who goes to the front of the line if I can [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] I hate line-ups, will avoid them if at all possible. WH is usually a bit more patient than I am.<p>WH has acquired some different characteristics or habits, at least things I never noticed before. For the longest time he spent a lot of time in seedy bars playing the VLT's, another aspect of his emerging addictive behaviors. Fortunately that's stopped. He listens to different music. He's really into the movie industry (OW went to acting school, she's half his age). For a while he was interested in the Wiccan way, and he also looked into joining some cult she belonged to, some Golden Temple thing. He's gradually returning to the man I knew though, only better, much more loving. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

All I have to say is that I thought you were so awesome, then you write you vetoed South of the Border?<p>I dunno bout you anymore. I lived in South Carolina for a few years, and the most amazing thing I have ever seen (and I have traveled all over the world) is South of the Border.<p>I'm gonna have to think bout this for a while.<p>I can't even reply to your questions now. This is so upsetting.<p>Elizabeth

Well, wat,
since you picked up on the attitude your ex-wife exhibited as something she obviously gleaned from her OM, my guess is that her unwillingness to YIELD spilled over into other areas of her life. Rules do not apply, forget about other people's feelings, what I want matters most, step on toes with no second thoughts... This is what it sounded like to me...<p>NOT that I'm the most yielded person on the road. Ya gotta be a little bit aggressive out there, esp. here in southern CA where traffic is never lacking! The only problem is that someone in CA may pull a gun on you out of road rage, so we have to be extremely careful who WE decide to tick off! Unlucky drivers have actually been shot on the freeways here due to road rage!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] & you heard about the sad story of the lady's doggie who was tossed out into traffic! YIKES!

Does a sudden interest in the Thai food and language count? sawadeeeeeeeee!<p>He's taken up: excessive drinking (which really is a worry)
Buying butt-ugly palm leaved shirts<p>Other than this I don't know what else is from her.

The STBX there are too many changes to count but to quote OS, Dad never makes us do anything any more.

Ok, you caught me. <p>I'll confess.<p>I'm one of those push into line ahead of everyone else kinda folks when driving.<p>I learned this really bad behavior by living in NJ! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Now, when I'm not in a big hurry, I don't mind yielding, and usually, I'm annoyed by people who won't just allow every other car to merge when things are jammed tight. Not yielding just slows everything down.<p>But that being said, let me tell you - I just went back to work after years of working out of my home while raising my kids. I have what would be a 30 minute commute if there was no traffic.<p>But, there's only 2 ways to get to work, and both are completely jammed coming and going - everyone doing the 9 to 5 slog. And so ... the first few days I was pretty nice, waited my turn...was almost late for work a couple times, but I made it by leaving an hour and a half before work.<p>Then I tried being a real nasty pushy shovy kinda gal. I hit that long lane of traffic for my exit - stopped 1.5 miles back...and said, NOWAY!<p>I zoomed past all that traffic and zipped into a tiny opening up at the front. And then I did that off the next highway too! And I got to work in 50 minutes instead of 90...<p>This is all coming from a nice little old fashioned Colorado girl who used to be terrified of NYC traffic. Now I know how to get in there and push with the best of them!<p>I have to say I found it very funny Dave that you were complaining about the drivers in the Carolinas after living so darn close to DC! Only worse drivers than DC are in Boston! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

OK, I want to warn all you "cutters" that if you try to CUT in front of ME while we're waiting all patiently in line for hours and hours, I WILL NOT LET YOU IN!!! I HATE DRIVERS THAT DO THAT!!! <p>Now, on to the other matter of this thread. Um, just before he left, WH had started making the bed. I know that seems like a "good thing" and it would have been, had his motives been "pure." Apparently not. Apparently that was something he had picked up from "her." See, the arrangement was that the last one out of the bed woudl be the one to make it every morning, but since that was usually HIM, it hardly ever got done! NOW? All of a sudden, he's a bed-maker! I thought it was because we had just moved in our new (dream) home, and he wanted a "fresh start," and to make it more neat and clean than we normally would have....our standards were pretty lax, for wont of a better word! Oh, I found out! He wanted a "fresh start" all right, but not with me!!!<p>Point #2: As far as "acquired habits" now? Well, with him still gone, I don't see him much, so I'm almost afraid to find out what else is different.........BUT,I do know he has rage. Lots and lots of rage. Anger. He's angry at everyone, every situation, every thing that doesn't go his way.....not a happy, "new life," methinks?