Even though I read all these posts about how affairs are devestating, I find that I want one with this woman I am obsessed with. It seems exciting and secretive and romantic. I love my wife, but we have been married so long and something is missing. Maybe for her, too<p>How do you get over the blahs and not be drawn to someone else. We talk at home, have a good sexual relationship and are friends. But nothing compares to the racing heart when I am with this other woman<p>Can any of you relate?

You need to bring that excitement to your own marriage!!<p> Get the book 101 nights of GRRReat Sex by Laura Corn. Try it. I wish my H was around to do the fantastic things I have found in this book. It requires you to build and have trust and be willing to do things you may have not thought of or tried before. But I can definately see how doing some of the things would add an electrifying element to your current relationship. It would bring out other facets to your personalities. Very interesting. Very exciting. It gives ideas for a years worth of sex twice a week. Through reading it I have come up with at least 50 more on my own. It gets the creative juices flowing.<p> You may be like my H and I who had a fantastic marriage but the right circumstances arose and he had an A. (Due to him being away at school). We were so comfortable with each other. Being with someone new is exciting but it is infatuaton. It's not as good as you think it will be because you have NO IDEA what it is! You have a good thing now don't be greedy or immature and throw it away.<p> You be the one to initiate some spice in your own life with your wife. Don't go looking somewhere else. You will ruin many lives in the process. Some lives may even be lost. I've seen it happen.
Forgiver

well, if you call breaking the heart of your wife and kids and losing their respect, possibly loosing your home, having to explain to your wife how you managed to give her gonorrhea or chlamydia, lying and sneaking, always watching out the curtains of wherever you are, never being fully trusted again by your wife after she finds out excitement, well, then I guess an affair would fit the bill.<p>If you think your marriage is boring, wait til your wife finds about an affair. There will be tears, fireworks and explosions. Peace will evade your home for a long, long time. You can forget boring nights of restful sleep. You can spend your evenings in cold silence or in screaming matches. You can spend your nights laying like a slug as your wife cries silently in bed next to you---if she lets you sleep in the bed, that is. (btw-'secretive' is just another word for lying).<p>If your marriage has 'lost the spark', then get off your lazy can and get it back. Make a list of what attracted you to your wife and what it is that you admire about her now. Plan a romantice surprise evening for her. Tell her you love her for no reason. Pat her on the butt, make eye contact, sit next to her while you watch tv and make out under a blanket.
How do you get over the blahs and not be drawn to someone else. We talk at home, have a good sexual relationship and are friends. But nothing compares to the racing heart when I am with this other woman Your heart races because you are getting your little ego stroked by someone who isn't supposed to be stroking it. You get over the blahs by making a decision every day to be the kind of husband you want your wife to have and making a decision to cherish your marriage. You resist being drawn to someone else by closing the doors. You have no business talking to other women about personal things...that's what your wife is for. You have no business being alone with women other than your wife. Muslims say that when a man and woman are alone, the third person there is the Devil...think about it. It does make sense.<p>Yes, affairs can be exciting...it's exciting to have to wonder every time you walk in the door if your wife has somehow found out (and they almost always do)and whether you will have a home and family this time next year.<p>Please read over this site very carefully. I think very little time will pass before you see the heart ache and havoc and the toll that affairs exact on spouses and families. Mosey over to the Divorced board...check out Catamounts post about xspouses moving away with their children. You will see how exciting it is to have your children taken and moved far away so you only see them every now and then.<p>I'm sorry to preach but I, we-as I'm sure everyone here agrees on this particular subject-will say anything I can to try to shake some sense into you BEFORE you destroy your family. <p>The decision is yours...I pray that you make the right one.<p>[ April 06, 2002: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

Have you thought about sitting your wife down and explaining EXACTLY how you are feeling? For god's sake man, do you have a mouth? Go read some of the stuff on this site about honesty and needs, etc, then tell your wife you and her need to have a serious discussion!!! <p>If there's something missing from your marriage and you know DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I didn't, and look what happened. If you feel like having an affair, maybe she is thinking the same thing. Maybe she is already!!!! You've found MB, now put your money where your mouth is.<p>Go and read some of the posts under "just found out" - say mine or Forgivers, or anyother bs who has posted here, if the raw emotion you read there does not put you off having an affair, if you can still betray your wife to stroke your ego, then you probably don't deserve her anyway. Betrayal really really really hurts big time mate!<p>I'm a thread away from ditching my H, your wife will be there too if you do this to her. Do you really want to loose her? I often ask my friends if I will find another man like my husband (he was wonderful once), they reply "I hope not". It's all turning over in my brain, I'm realising he's not the bees-knees. <p>Having an affair is an escape from reality, I can sure understand why my H did it, I could have easily chosen that path too. I'm obviously a stronger person than him, I chose our marriage and I chose to work on myself. He is stuck in his own bull**** now, and I'll bet my gorgeous little [censored] (thanks to infidelity diet) that he dosen't know how to get himself out of this one!! Don't do it, you'll regret it.<p>Talk to you wife, give it a go before you do this. Its won't just be painful for her, it will be for you too.
I'll pray to all the god's for you.
Liz<p>[ April 07, 2002: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</p>