well we had our date-husband and i went to yankees opening day at home, from there we went to the car show, saw the lights at ground zero, and went to little italy for dinner. we were gone almost 24 hours. it was wonderful. held hands, he constantly was concerned if i was ok-did i need anything etc. i felt like it was the man i dated years ago- kind, compassionate and gentle. i have missed him.<p>while at dinner, i asked how was i doing with meeting his emotional needs.(for those of you that dont know-the sf fell off the map and i was really concerned.) he said that everything was wonderful-and i said oh come on- i know ive been in a funk. then we actually talked about my depression. i almost fell off the chair. he said when he asks whats wrong?-i never answer him. i told him i didnt think he was emotionally ready to deal with the stuff im dealing with, so i dont want to hurt him. he was amazed that with all the hurt and pain i have im thinking of HIS well being. i told him thats what people who love each other do. i also told him that he needs to get emotionally stronger to deal with this. he said he knows i have the depression because of what he did and the hurt he caused. i told him yes and i am dealing with it everyday. i am also getting through it and getting stronger everyday. i told him he cant avoid the fact that he caused this. i know he did, he knows he did- so deal with it. confront the pain and go through it- i will be here always to help. he was amazed.<p>now onto the sf-he also said i could be more aggressive-meaning he wants me to always jump him. which i did since d-day. but then my mind started thinking, maybe hes only participating because i initiated. does he not find me attractive enough to touch me on his own? so i pulled back. sf fell off the map. i became concerned. so when i heard him say he wanted me to initiate i said i thought you werent interested? he explained that with all the emotions i am dealing with and the depression he is afraid to push me- so he figured i would start if i wanted it. im thinking he doesnt want me and hes thinking i dont want to hurt her. we can be idiots sometimes. needless to say we have solved that problem.<p>im sorry this is so long-i am just so excited. i feel as if there is hope again. we can talk about little things, slowly. i think we are gonna make it.

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
Gooooo nikko!<p>Im happy for you two!

Same here Nikko! You are a strong and wonderful person! You deserve this breakthrough. Maybe that's part of your psychological jumble. Having a safe haven is helpful when dealing with D. Keep holding on. I think this will help boost you some.<p>Hoping

thanks guys- seeing the glimpse of the man i fell in love with and married has given me a new strength. i know he is in there-i just have to bring him out again. i miss him. we are having a great weekend-lots of time together, house projects and cooking! great food always helps.<p>talk to ya'll later. thanks for the encouragement. i needed it-and will probably need it again.<p>byr the way hangin-how is everything for you?? update me. i havent been on too much lately.

Nikko, <p>Good to hear great news... or great to hear good news!!!! LOL!!! Either way you made me smile. <p>I am glad things are looking up. But remember keep your eyes ahead of you and not just looking up at the sky. As long as your H is willing to work with his family, then good things can keep coming. <p>Now, I have been meaning to ask for you for some good veggie recipes. I need to be a better cook even though I am not home much. Got any cooking hints? I learned that Ginger and mint are good spices for preventing cancer and that cinnamon is good for diabetetes. Now I need some veggie recipes to help my family eat their veggies more. <p>Thanks,
L.

Chef Nikko!
Like you, things are getting better I think. My Wife is giving more of an effort when she can between school and things and Im getting OUT a bit on my own. Went killed myself playing football outside today and it feels good to get out all that mental stuffieness with some exercise. Plus it was nice that my wife was a sympathetic and caring with all my scrapes, aches and pains.<p>
On a food note!
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Just ate the pulled pork from the recipie you gave me, it was good, my wife loved it too. It was supposed to be for lunch but we had it for dinner anyway.<p>Hey have any idea what to do with the leftover water soupy stuff from boiling the pork? I dunno maybe a soup of some sort, seems a shame to dump it.<p>*hugs!*<p>-HI

dear orchid and hangin- thanks so much, you guys are always here to support me.<p>orchid-i have some bad news..... i suck at veggies. my family HATES veggies. only have a few limited recipes on them. stuffed artichokes, stuffed mushrooms, fried veggies tempura,stuffed baked potatoes-can hide some veggies in stuffing.
i can find you some good recipes if you let me know what kind of veggies you guys like. we do mostly salads. let me know....<p>hangin-so good to hear you and your wife are ok too. she is a very lucky woman. glad to hear you got out and played football. the sun and air does us all good. i felt wonderful being outside at the baseball game all day- it was great. anyway glad to hear you are making progress.<p>about that liquid-i know exactly how you feel. i felt the same way. what i usually do is when i am cooking the pulled pork i re-use the same liquid for spareribs and such. has to be done within 24-36 hours. im not sure about stock-try it. take some out of pot and reduce it down, see how it tastes. and about eating the pork for dinner-im lucky if i ever get any left for sandwiches. between the kids wanting to "help" and taste too see if its ready, and me picking-we only have 1/2 left by dinner. glad you enjoyed it.

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Nikko---<p>It's always good to hear some positive news. <p>Isn't it amazing that once we start talking and communicating what we "think" isn't necessarily the way things "are?"<p>You are very strong and obviously have a good understanding of what you and your H will need to make it.<p>It sucks, but the BS needs so much strength. I love seeing it in the people here. It's always a bit of a surprise to the WS to see it form their own BS. <p>It just proves you don't know what you can do until you have to do it.<p>Good luck<p> [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E

dear elad- good to hear from you. how are you doing?? ive been thinking about you.<p>i always knew i was strong- i just never thought i would find out how strong in this way. i know i will make it. husband seems much happier after this weekend. we have to just try to keep talking. its hard-i dont want to push him. we will figure it out though. thanks for the encouragement.

nikko--<p>Thanks for asking.<p>I am OK---not good, not bad just OK.<p>It's interesting. I am in in plan B and as a result have not called or talked to my WW. I had a pretty lousy weekend (I thought she might be with OM).<p>My WW surprised me this morning by stopping at my office with some stuff for me. She could have sent it I suppose or just dropped it off in my car but she actually came into my office. Somehwere she hasn't been in a long time (we work about 15 miles apart).<p>Anyway we talked...(just catch up stuff no real R talk).<p>She was on the verge of tears several times...I remained friendly but not emotional [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She said she had had a miserable weekend ( she was not with OM BTW). Very lonely...<p>Also said she didn't know what she was doing---she's been saying that for over a year now. But she said she admired my strength and admired my commitment and appreciated me "hanging in there."<p>Her sayingthat doesn't really mean much I don't think, but I told her it was nice to be admired and appreciated. We left it at that.<p>Anyway it was nice to see her and talk to her... <p>Keep up the good work with your H... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care <p>E

nikko, great news!!! I am happy for both of you! b

dear e- i think its great, a step in the right direction anyway. keep up the good work. always look for the brighter tomorrow!<p>dear b- how was vacation??? hopefully wonderfull. thanks for the reply. hopefully hubby and i can keep it going. glad your back.

That's good news! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]