Hi all,<p>It's been about a week, so I thought I'd post a quick update...<p>Well, WW is certainly on the down-spiral right now... she came home tonight, treated me reasonably well, but seemed down. As she was getting into bed, one of our cats freaked out for some reason and scratched her hands really badly. This triggered WW into a fit of sobbing that was rather severe. Trust me - the pain of the scratches was NOT to blame... I comforted her, helped her put some ointment on, got her kleenexes, gave her a couple of hugs, etc... Then she admitted that she'd had a really tough day...<p>My guess... has something to do with OM. Things are not rosy in OM-ville - this much seems obvious. Yes, my talk with OM (caution: not for everyone to try!!) has been a catalyst... and a small part of me does regret it, knowing the pain she's now going through. But... if it wasn't that, it would have had to be something else out there in big, bad reality that would have shattered things... she would only have gotten more attached, and the fall would be just that much harder......<p>Yeah... I don't know what's going on here yet. I've debated merits of Plan B, etc... but right now... I think I need to "be there for her." I was her friend before I was her husband... and right now she needs me as a friend. First things first... I think there's a real possibility that I'm witnessing the end of her A. A natural death? Mostly... My involvement was to only bring out the worst of OM, is my guess. That's reality too.

Yea, J.R., tread softly, but carry a big heart.<p>Kid gloves time. Be there but don't be square. Round corners, no sharp edges.<p>I never witnessed it and maybe never will, but withdrawal - if this is part of it - is usually described as a rocky road for BOTH WS and BS. Hopefully you'll get some first hand advice from those more knowledgable than I.<p>WAT

J.R. This is exactly what my W told me last night. <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Then she admitted that she'd had a really tough day...
<hr></blockquote><p>She was showing the same symptoms of affection toward me. We had a nice lunch and I suspect that OM and her had some type of falling out. HOPE SO.<p>Good Luck

This must be like watching a slow-motion car wreck .... and you are not able to take control of the wheel.<p>Hang in there ... you're doing the right thing.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] ~~((BIG HUG))~~

J.R.,<p>Just gotta second Wat's recommendation. Your W seems so much more expressive of her feelings than most other WSes - she's not hiding them totally inside. I keep thinking that must be a good thing.<p>Jeffers

JR<p>Hang in there Buddy. You are doing just what your wife needs right now, and it is selfless, and it may be hard to do, but it is the right thing. I admire your ability to put her needs first right now, after everything you've been thru.<p>I pray this is the end of the A for your WW.

A good sign...yet...be cautious of being too sypathetic. DO NOT become an enabler or a crutch. The best thing in the world for me was to HAVE to deal with the consequences of my actions...to HAVE to be responsible and DO something to fix myself and my situation. If she's allowed to run to a "safe" place every time things get tough...she'll never learn how to quit running.

WAT, I do suspect it's a degree of withdrawal. Even if they're still together, I don't think things will ever be the same between them now... so there's grief over "what was" or "what could have been" maybe. I think that's the worst-case scenario. The best case scenario is that OM is being the immature little kid he really is, and is pressuring her - when I talked to him, he said he wanted WW to "decide quickly." If that's the case, I know WW, and she rarely takes cr@p from anyone - so to think she'd take it from him - I can't see it, but who knows.<p>I Spy, yeah those types of things are so great... of course, no expectations - yet.<p>Pepperband, that's a great way to describe it... it's been a slow-motion car wreck for months now. But the door is open to stop it - and she knows it!<p>Jeffers, I think her being at home has been telling... the two times she kind of made the effort to tell me she was leaving - failed miserably! I know for a fact that if I'd taken to LB'ing anywhere along the way, things would be much bleaker.<p>Boppo, I think I'm on the right path too. I think Heartpain said a while ago something to the effect, "you need to know your WS [in deciding how to approach things]." And right now, she's way too fragile to up and walk out... we'll see how it goes.<p>H4F, yes, I think I've built up a good "environment" - where she sees me very capable of living without her - and so she's got to know that she won't always be able to keep "running back". The only thing that might hammer that home more is being apart - but I think that would crush her right now.<p>Another sign that things are not rosy in OM-ville... when she got home last night, she called her parents, just to chat. And in doing so, she was happy to use "us" and "we" a lot... past experience has shown that to mean things are not good with OM. Combined with the fit of crying... huh. I'm in no rush here - I'll keep watching.<p>[ April 09, 2002: Message edited by: J.R. ]</p>